


California Son

by Ultra



Series: California Son [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Conversations, California, College, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Reunions, Friendship/Love, High School, Kissing, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, Reunions, Romance, Step-parents, Step-siblings, Surprises, Travel, Vacation, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-05-25 14:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 69,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: Jess Mariano never met his mother. He grew up with only his dad, Jimmy, travelling all over the country, before finally landing in Venice Beach, CA, where they had been for five years now. This Summer seems much like any other, until one day when a blue-eyed beauty walks into a bookstore on the boardwalk, changing Jess' life forever.





	1. Chapter 1

It seemed like something from a badly written romantic comedy, the kind Lil liked to watch on TV when she thought nobody was around or they were just weren’t paying attention. Jess looked up at the exact same moment as this girl and their eyes met over a sea of paperbacks. He wasn’t even sure he registered the rest of her face, never mind her body or the clothes she wore. Those eyes were like nothing he’d ever seen before, a shade of blue the sea and sky had never found, even there in California.

In that split second, Jess saw more than a colour, beautiful as it was, in those eyes. He saw life, intelligence, ambition, and fun, even if it ought to be impossible.

The next thing he knew, she was gone. Jess came back to reality with a bump when a fellow customer mistook him for a store employee and asked for help. He only failed to correct the mistake because he actually knew the way to the section the kid wanted. The young had to be encouraged in their pursuit of literature. Jess believed that more than most.

His mind was still on blue eyes as he went back to scanning the latest additions to Small World Books. He moved aside volumes he already owned or knew he didn’t care for to get to others but handled each volume with care. All books were precious, even if they were not to your taste. His father taught him that. You wouldn’t think so to look at the two of them, but Jess knew he was a second generation literary nut. Jimmy just loved to read and then to go out into the world in the hopes of finding the thrill of adventure conjured up in the pages of Mark Twain, Jules Verne, and so many more.

Jess was the same. Though he was happy enough with the life they’d built here with Sasha and Lily, his feet itched sometimes, like Laura Ingalls and her Pa or Jack Kerouac. Jess liked to be moving, preferably forward and into the unknown. Maybe someday.

Reaching out a hand for a title he didn’t recognise, Jess suddenly found he hadn’t made contact with paper, but with soft skin. The owner of the foreign hand made a startled sound and he glanced up to meet her blue eyes.

“Hi,” he said, more bowled over now than before as he took her in as a whole person, not just eyes.

“Hi,” she replied, seemingly realising all of a sudden that her hand was still trapped - she pulled it away. “Er, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” asked Jess, smirking a little. “You got there first,” he told her, picking up the book and holding it out to her.

She looked from Jess to the book and then back, like she was genuinely not sure what to do. Jess wondered if he really did see intelligence in those eyes. Maybe she didn’t understand much English.

“Uh... Yo hablo Espanol?” he tried. “’Cause honestly? That’s all I’ve got.”

“No, I... I speak English. How would I read the book if I didn’t?” she asked then.

“Touche,” said Jess, pushing said book towards her hand. “Take it, it’s yours.”

“Thank you,” she replied, nodding her head.

“Jess,” he supplied, not at all offended or concerned by her confusion. “My name is Jess,” he clarified.

“Rory,” she said, her free hand on her chest. “Well, Lorelai, technically, but I was named for my mom, and she’s Lorelai, so I’m Rory.”

Jess just nodded, trying not to find her quite as funny as she actually was. She was also adorable and cute when she rambled. Jess had a feeling he could add hot to that list also if he let himself think about it much.

“Pleasure to meet you, Rory,” he told her eventually. “Enjoy your book.”

He was smiling when he moved to walk away. Unfortunately, his stylish exit was foiled by a couple of rather large and selectively deaf and blind people stepping into his path. After three ‘excuse mes’ that increased in volume, Jess gave up.

“Tourists,” he muttered crossly.

“Don’t tar us all with the same brush,” Rory urged him, trying not to smile too much. “I respond pretty well to a polite ‘excuse me’.”

Jess smiled even when she tried to keep her own amusement at bay. Of course she was a tourist. He would have noticed her before if she was from around her. Eyes like hers didn’t pass by without catching his attention.

“Always good to hear,” he said thoughtfully.

Rory blushed a pretty shade, turned her face away, and tucked her hair behind her ear. Jess was hypnotised and he couldn’t say for sure exactly what it was about her that was drawing him in, except maybe it was just everything.

“So, you live here?” she asked.

“Not far,” Jess shrugged. “You?”

“Connecticut.”

Jess’ eyes widened at that, though it explained a lot. Rory was way too pale for any of the sunnier states, no noticeable Southern drawl or other accent that he could place. New England would be just about right, he supposed.

“That’s a long way to come for a book.”

Rory looked momentarily lost and then seemed to realise he was looking at the volume in her hand and making a joke. Jess wondered if it was a lack of intelligence that was really her problem, or just an acute bout of nerves at having a guy talking to her.

“I was just looking around, killing time,” she explained, “Letting my mom and step-dad have a little alone time.”

Jess’ head tipped to one side as he listened to her. She wasn’t pushed out by her parents, he was pretty sure on that. She smiled when she talked about giving them some time alone, like it was her idea. Happy family, even if it wasn’t purely biological. Jess knew how that went.

“And you chose a book store over the beach?” he noted then. “Not a typical teen girl response.”

“Well, I guess I’m not a typical teen girl.” Rory smiled, and Jess was pretty sure his heart stopped for a second. “Books are kind of my passion.”

As if she didn’t have his attention before, the way she said ‘passion’ with her eyes practically on fire, it did things to Jess that were not at all appropriate in a public place. He managed to recover a moment before she spoke again.

“Er, do you read much?”

“Some, not much,” he told her.

Jess was never without an air of mystery. He learnt long ago, in all his travelling around as a kid, constantly starting over at new schools, being a mystery could be a disaster or a real bonus, if played right.

“How about you?”

Rory sighed.

“If there’s one thing I miss on this trip, it’s my books. It just wasn’t practical to bring more than the bare minimum.”

If he wasn’t interested before, Jess realised she had his whole attention now. She couldn’t fail to after such a confession on top of everything else.

“What made the cut?”

“Er, The Mencken Chrestomathy, Anna Karenina, Oliver Twist, Ginsberg’s Howl, Franny and Zoey, and The Fountainhead,” she listed, and Jess knew he was frowning by the end, when she did the same and said; “You think I’m a freak.”

Immediately, he shook his head in the negative. 

“I think Ayn Rand was a political nut, but the rest of the list I respect.”

Rory smiled again and he attempted to breathe through the moment. She was dazzling, apparently as much in her literary taste as in her looks.

“What do you read?” she asked, clearly curious now, or maybe just to even up the score, who’s to say?

“Name it and I probably tried it,” he confessed, gesturing around the store, practically daring her to find something he didn’t know at least a little about. “Everything from Bukowski to Bronte and Hemingway to Austen.”

Rory looked as if she was caught somewhere between confusion and hilarity. Mixed emotions never looked better on anyone.

“You said you didn’t read much.”

“Well, what is much?” Jess smirked, mostly because it was impossible not to.

He was within a hair’s breadth of asking if she wanted to go someplace else, get a soda, walk along the boardwalk. It really didn’t matter where or what, so long as they were side by side and she brought those eyes along. Unfortunately, the fates had other plans. His cell buzzed in his pocket and when Jess read the text from Sasha he knew he had to leave, there was no choice.

“Damn it,” he muttered regardless, typing back that he would be there in five. “I gotta go,” he said, as he hit send and pushed the phone back into his pocket. “It was nice talking to you, Rory,” he told her with what he knew Sash would call one of his rare smiles.

It proved to be worth the effort when she returned the look.

“You too, Jess,” she said, giving an odd little wave as he backed away a few steps.

Jess knew when he had to turn, else crash into shelving. Rory was gone from his sight and there was every chance he would never see again. Still, he knew, he was never going to forget her, not for a thousand years.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess sat at the desk, tapping his pencil against the legal pad. Usually he had no problem with English assignments. He didn’t always enjoy them, but they’d never been difficult for him. Words were his life. Books were practically his best friends. Any normal day, he could write a thousand words in less time than it took most to write a hundred, but today, it just wasn’t happening.

The Summer break was twelve weeks long. Jess had sat down on the first day of his freedom, determined to bust out this essay and be done so he could forget about it. Unfortunately, it hadn’t happened that day, or in the days and weeks that followed. Now here he was well into week nine and still nothing.

Miss Stein decided she wanted her upcoming twelfth grade class to write about either their earliest memory or just something meaningful from their childhood. Jess wasn’t sure where to begin. He wasn’t absolutely certain what his earliest memory was, but he had a feeling it was standing on a cold train station platform, just outside of Minneapolis, listening to his dad yell at some guy for not being able to get them a cab into town at whatever ungodly hour it was.

Jess had another story in mind from when they lived in Maine and Jimmy worked on a lobster boat, but somehow a tale about how much his father stank when he worked that job probably wasn’t quite what Miss Stein had in mind. Jess smirked and shook his head. He had to think of something better.

There were plenty of happy stories from his childhood, and a bunch of unhappy ones too. He guessed any of the tales in his mind right now would make a interesting essay, but Jess wasn’t exactly the kind to share his personal life with anyone, least of all his English teacher. Plus there was the chance she would make any number of them read their essay aloud to the class. Jess really didn’t want to do that.

Throwing down his pencil, he got up and paced his bedroom. There wasn’t much room for the pacing between so many piles of books, records and CDs, and that was just the overspill from the shelves that lined three of his walls. If Jess didn’t need to have a bed in here, he could easily fill the fourth wall in similar fashion. There was no room for posters like some seventeen year olds would have, no rock bands, no pin ups. Jess had never been that guy. He was Jimmy Mariano’s son in more ways than it was possible to count, and his room had looked very much like this ever since they moved into the house when Jess was twelve.

Walking around the room, his finger ran along this shelf and then that one. His mind wandered, but not to where it should. Blue eyes haunted him every time he closed his eyes to do more than blink. Laughter like a bell rang in his ears, and the smile that played at his lips was nothing compared to the one in his mind’s eye. Jess would love to show Rory his room, and not at all for the reasons that a teenage boy would usually want to get a girl in such close proximity to their bed. Not that Jess was a stranger to those feelings in the least, but right now, it wasn’t his first thought.

Heading back to his desk, he moved around it and hung out of the window, breathing deeply the salty air, letting the sun beat down on his face. He kind of loved this place, even though it was quite literally thousands of miles away from where he thought he belonged.

New York born, but not raised, Jess still couldn’t shake the feeling that he ought to be on the east coast, in the grey drizzle, down by the East River, within spitting distance of CBGBs. Amongst the hustle and bustle of the city that never slept, that was where Jess often thought he ought to be. Venice Beach was literally on the other side of the country, just about as far from New York as a person could get without leaving the continental US. It had been home for more than five years now, this particular house for over four. He liked it. Jess would go so far to say as he loved it, if he was the kind to drop four letter words into random conversation, which he was not. Strange to think that Rory lived so close to what ought to be his hometown. The irony wasn’t lost on him that she would be the one going home there soon, maybe that same day. It had been three days since they met at the bookstore and though he had been back there on each of the days since, Jess hadn’t seen her again. Clearly he was right the f  
irst time, assuming she was a one time deal. For all Jess knew, Rory was a figment of his imagination. She may as well had been.

The knock on the door startled Jess from his thoughts.

“Come in,” he called without even thinking about it. His eyes were on the view from the window a while longer until he realised Lily was stood in the now open doorway, looking sad. “Hey, munchkin. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, though she was clearly far from it.

“You sure about that?” Jess frowned, turning to face her. “Hey, c’mere,” he gestured for her and she ran into his arms for a hug. “What’s up, Lil?” he asked, smoothing her hair.

“Beth died,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

Jess’ eyes closed as he hugged her. He really should’ve seen this coming.

“I knew she was sick,” Lily continued, “and back then they didn’t had the medicine they have now. I was pretty sure it was going to happen but still... now she’s gone, and everybody is so upset. I don’t know how they’ll get over it.”

He could hear the tears in her voice and dreaded seeing her crying when she pulled away. It always broke him to see the girl who had so easily taken the role of little sister in his life be anything but happy. Jess never thought much about loving people until he met Sasha and Lily, now he didn’t know how to do anything but love them like family. They all should’ve known that Lily, for all her grown up ways sometimes, was just too young to handle Little Women yet. There had a sensitive soul inside of her, and a very big heart.

“Hey, how ‘bout we go out and get some pizza for dinner?” he offered, gently wiping a stray tear from her cheek with his hand. “Maybe we could even swing by the bookstore on the way and find you something new. Something happier?”

Lily’s smile returned like the sun on a cloudy day. It made Jess smile too.

“That’d be cool,” she said happily.

“Go on, go put on your shoes,” he urged her, happy to see her happy.

She could run to her mom or Jimmy when she had a problem, and sometimes she did, but Jess was her go to guy for most things and happy to be so. Big brother wasn’t a role he ever thought to have as a kid, but now it was one of his favourite things to be. Not that he told anybody stuff like that, not even Lil.

Shoving his pad and pencil in the desk drawer, Jess made sure he had his wallet, keys, and cell before leaving the house. The essay wasn’t getting done today, and Jess was hungry, so he may as well go out and get food with Lily. Besides, he could take her to the bookstore, find her something happier to read, as promised, and maybe pick up a new book or two for himself also. There was a vague chance he might run across a familiar face there too. It was unlikely that familiar face would belong to a girl named Rory, but that didn’t stop Jess from hoping. He would never admit to that either.

* * *

“Who are you looking for?”

Lily had always been a switched on kid. If she were anything else, Jess wasn’t sure he could love her quite as easily as he did. Teenage boys rarely buddied up with girls her age, but she was definitely smarter than the average ten year old, and had always been way more observant than she ought to be.

“No-one,” he told her, an abject lie and they both knew it - the look on her face spoke volumes. “I thought maybe I’d see someone I met the other day, that’s all.”

“Is it a girl?” Lily asked, face aglow with wonder.

She liked a good romance, even though she was way too young to know anything about dating. She had read all the fairy tales, the kinds of love stories that were suitable for her age, and a few that probably weren’t. Since she was far away from her own dating days, she hoped to live vicariously through Jess and had told him so already. Jess didn’t date much, not because he couldn’t get a girl to go out with him, moreover because he had met very few girls that he would want to spend that much time with.

“She was female, as far as I could tell,” he said, deliberately cryptic and smirking because he couldn’t help it, “but she’s probably long gone by now.”

“Don’t say that,” Lily argued. “Maybe you’re supposed to see her again. Maybe she’s your destiny, the one you’ve been waiting for.”

“Maybe you should spend more time looking for a book and less writing me a love story I didn’t ask for,” he told her, ruffling her hair.

Lily pushed his hand away but she was smiling as she went back to perusing the shalves. Jess checked his watch. They would be out of there in the next ten minutes, then they could hit the pizza parlour and be home by seven, just like he promised Sasha. Even if he had run across Rory here, he wouldn’t have had time to really talk to her. Somehow that didn’t matter, somehow he was still disappointed.

“This one,” Lily suddenly said, pulling on his sleeve when he didn’t pay immediate attention. “Please?”

Jess nodded his head, walking up to the counter to buy the book she selected without even really looking at it. His mind was wandering and everything was on automatic until they got outside. Then across the boardwalk he saw her. Lily hadn’t noticed, she was too busy talking about her new book and how much she loved Jess for buying it for her, though she was determined to finish Little Women in time. Jess only saw her, the blue eyed girl named Rory. She was not alone this time. Walking and talking with another woman, maybe an older sister or a really young mom. The resemblance was too much to be coincidence, they had to be related. Jess missed the turning to the pizza place and Lilly called to him, looking at him like a science project when he paid attention again.

“What’s wrong?” she checked, a smile breaking out on her face in the next moment. “Did you see her? The girl from before?”

She hurried to look in all directions, as if she would know Rory if she did see her, which of course she wouldn’t. Jess turned, thinking he may as well point her out, but she was already gone, lost in the crowd.

“C’mon,” he told his sister, reaching for her arm and tugging her onward. “Pizza’s this way.”

She went because pizza was one of her favourite things in the whole world, and Jess knew it. He got her talking about that, ranking the toppings in order of preference and such. It kept her from asking more questions about Rory that he probably couldn’t answer anyway.

The romantic in Jess wanted to believe that Lily was right, that this angelic being who knew books as well as he did might be his destiny in some way, but the more practical side was sure that was way too fairy-tale to be true. She would probably be gone by tomorrow and he would never see her again, but then he thought that a few days ago and once again she had crossed his path.

It was weird how she was on his mind so much. No girl ever really caught his attention like that before. Jess had dated, kind of. He had been out with girls, and he had stayed in with girls. Jimmy said the Mariano charm never failed, and Jess had to agree it did come pretty easy to get in the good books of women of any age actually, but it was something rare for a girl to really get his attention, to stick in his head like Rory had these past few days.

“Jess!” Lily called, shoving him enough to make him look.

He shook his head to clear it and gave the guy behind the counter his order.

“You’re not going to say anything about Rory in front of the parents, okay, munchkin?” he warned her. “Promise?”

“Promise,” she agreed, offering him her pinky finger.

“Thank you,” he said seriously as they shook on it in such a ridiculous way.

He couldn’t have Jimmy and Sasha asking him about some girl he barely knew, making a big deal when the chances were he would never see her again. Jess really hoped he was wrong about that, and yet, he didn’t really know what he was going to do if he was.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, you doin’ okay, man?” asked Jimmy as he and Jess headed towards Dante’s Inferno together.

“Sure, fine,” Jess replied, nodding his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, you seem quiet the last few days, or quieter than usual,” his father noted.

Jess was not exactly a loud person. Opinionated and stubborn, sure, but he stuck to the fewest possible words when he talked and was much more one of life’s listeners than a conversationalist. Jimmy had no problem with that, he knew how smart Jess was, from his writing if nothing else, but just lately he was extra quiet, like something was on his mind. That did bother him.

“It’s nothing, really,” Jess insisted, looking out to the ocean as they walked along together. “I just... I met this girl.”

“A girl, huh?” said Jimmy with a smile he was unable to hold in. “What kind of girl?”

“The female kind,” Jess told him with a smirk, evading when his father faked knocking him upside his head. “See, this is why I wasn’t saying anything, because I knew you’d get that dumb grin on your face, and then you’d tell Sasha, and before we know it, I’m being married off to some girl that you don’t even know.”

“Hey, it would not be like that,” Jimmy insisted, then off Jess’ unconvinced look, he continued. “Okay, so maybe it might be a little bit like that, but I can be cool.”

“Sure you can.” Jess rolled his eyes. “Look, it’s not even a big deal. I met her once, at the book store. All I know is her name is Rory, she lives in Connecticut, she’s got a thing for literature, and she’s here on vacation, or she was anyway. Chances are she’s long gone by now.”

He knew he sounded bitter when he said that last part and Jess hated that. Aloof and detached was better. That attitude had served him well his whole life, at least until he and Jimmy landed in Venice and started to build a life with Sasha and Lilly. Up to that point, they had always been on the move. Making friends only to up and leave them six months, a year, maybe two down the line, it was just easier not to get too involved. Unfortunately, Jess felt attached to Rory after just one brief meeting, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was supposed to know her better.

“Huh,” said Jimmy, looking thoughtful. “One conversation in a bookstore and you’re this hooked? Sounds like love to me.”

“C’mon!” Jess scoffed. “This is real life, not some romance novel.”

“Hey, you know how it was with me and Sash,” he reminded his son. “Man, I thought I could never love a woman the way I loved the beach and the ocean, but that day when we ran into Sasha on the boardwalk,” he said, shaking his head, “that was something else.”

Jess knew the story well, not least because he had been there at the first meeting of his father and Sasha. The way Jimmy described it, meeting his ‘true love’ was like being hit by lightning and not even caring if you burned. Jess didn’t feel like that exactly when he met Rory or when he thought of her. It was more like being haunted, except less scary and more frustrating, because he knew yearning for a girl like her was completely redundant.

“Like I said, she’s probably long gone by now.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Jimmy considered. “You try going back to the book store, see if she’s around?”

Jess looked away, knowing he was giving the answer without saying a word.

“How many times?” Jimmy prodded.

“Seven or eight,” Jess admitted. “Hey, it’s not like I don’t like the place just fine even when she’s not there,” he said, defending himself quickly.

“Hey, I never said a word,” Jimmy told him, hands held up in mock surrender.

Jess laughed, he couldn’t help it. As fathers went, Jimmy was pretty cool. He didn’t judge, he wasn’t big on discipline, it was kind of like having a big brother rather than a dad much of the time. They shared a love of good books, music, and movies, and neither was expecting life to hand them the world. Two of a kind in so many ways, they were equally as stubborn as each other and butted heads at times over the dumbest things. Sasha was a good equaliser when those moments came, though she wasn’t needed much in that capacity, truth be told.

Jess was at least grateful that talk of Rory was suspended as he and Jimmy arrived at the hot dog stand and got to work. The boardwalk got packed with people pretty fast on any given day in the Summer and it was all hands to the pumps, serving all the hungry customers. Jess tried to remember to smile and make eye contact as he handed over food and then change, but when he was run off his feet it was easy to forget all that customer service crap. When he heard the last customer mutter something about his rudeness, he rolled his eyes, but then made a point of looking right at the next person in line in what was supposed to be a friendly way. Jess almost forgot where he was when he realised just who he was looking at.

“Rory, hi,” he greeted her after a moment’s stunned silence.

“Oh, hey, Jess,” she replied, blushing furiously, he noticed.

He wondered what had her so flustered for a moment before he realised she wasn’t alone. The supposed sister he had seen with her before was hovering nearby and looking amused.

“This is Jess?” she asked. “Wow. The famous Jess.”

“I’m famous?” he checked. “Huh.”

“Well, not famous exactly, but I’ve heard so much about you I feel like you should be.”

Rory looked mortified by those words, a pained expression on her face as she turned away.

“Mom!” she complained, giving Jess a second shock.

He really had thought these two must be sisters, and though it had crossed his mind that the older woman might be a really young mom, it seemed like a stretch. Apparently, it wasn’t impossible.

“So, Jess,” she said then. “I’m Rory’s mom, Lorelai, and we would like two of your biggest hotdogs with everything on them, plus a couple of extra-large Cokes, please.”

“Coming right up,” said Jess on automatic, his eyes still on Rory even as he spoke to Lorelai.

Making himself concentrate on the task at hand, he made up the hot dogs and called for someone to pour the drinks at the same time. It was hard not to keep sneaking looks at Rory and trying to hear the muttered conversation between her and her mom. Jess really had thought he would never see her again and yet here she was. Again he wondered how much longer she would be around, hating the not knowing, hating more that she could be leaving as soon as tonight or tomorrow.

“Here you go,” he said at last, handing them their food and drinks.

“Thanks,” said Lorelai, reaching for her wallet. “How much?”

“On the house,” said Jess with a smile aimed mostly at Rory.

“Wow!” Lorelai reacted with surprise and a huge grin of her own. “That’s really sweet of you, Jess. Isn’t that nice, Rory?” she urged her, shoving her daughter with her elbow.

“Thanks,” she told Jess, grabbing her mom’s arm and practically dragging her away.

He watched them walk off until they got lost in the crowd and other people in the line started demanding service. A quick check of the clock told Jess his shift wasn’t over for another hour or more. Too bad they hadn’t come by a little later, he would have loved to be able to ask Rory to hang out. Maybe she would have said no, with her mom there and everything, but Jess would’ve liked the chance to ask. He really had no luck with this girl.

Since he had nowhere to be, after the next hour passed, Jess stayed a couple more. Jimmy said he could leave, no problem, but there didn’t seem to be much point. There was nothing Jess had planned to do, except chase after a girl who seemed embarrassed as anything to be seen talking to him. He hoped it was just because her mom was there, but it kind of hurt that she was so quick to get away.

“Don’t you still have that essay to write for school?” asked Jimmy as he walked by Jess again.

“It’ll wait,” he told his father, making a big deal of cleaning down all the surfaces. “Besides, I thought you were always grateful for an extra pair of hands?”

“You know I am,” Jimmy agreed. “It’s just... Well, I think maybe you’re about to get a better offer,” he said, suddenly grinning as he nodded towards the counter.

Jess didn’t know that Jimmy had been paying attention when Rory and Lorelai came by before, but clearly he was wrong. Parents saw and knew everything, so Sasha said. Apparently, she wasn’t entirely wrong.

Washing his hands and drying them fast, Jess walked up to the counter to see Rory waiting on the other side, by herself this time around.

“Hey,” he greeted her.

“Hi,” she replied, shifting in place. “I, er... I’m sorry about earlier. If my mom embarrassed you-”

“It’s fine,” he assured her. “I think her plan was actually to embarrass you.”

“She does that sometimes. Parental right, I guess.”

“Apparently.” Jess nodded, glancing over his shoulder to see Jimmy smiling too wide, giving him the thumbs up sign and practically pushing him forward to ask Rory out or similar. “That’s Jimmy, my dad. This is his place,” Jess explained.

“Oh, owner’s son. Fancy,” she said with a smile. “So, I was just... Um, I was wondering if you were done working, because I was going back to the book store, and I thought if you were going there, maybe you’d want to go together. Unless you weren’t going there at all. It’s just you said you’re there a lot-”

“I’m going,” he cut in fast. “I’ll go, with you,” he corrected, in case that wasn’t clear.

Rory smiled some more and nodded her head.

“Great.”

Jess heartily agreed with that sentiment as he took off his apron and rushed out of the hut to meet her on the boardwalk. On the way, he told Jimmy he’d be home before curfew, knowing that would be good enough, and trying not to feel weird about the high five his father gave him. This was strange and Jess wasn’t even sure why. He went out with girls before, it was no big deal, or rather it shouldn’t be. Somehow, Rory was different to any other girl he ever met, he just couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Let’s go,” he said, arriving at Rory’s side.

They headed towards the bookstore in silence at first, weaving in and out of benches, stalls, and a lot of other people still milling around the boardwalk. Eventually, Jess decided he just had to ask the one question that had been on his mind since he met her.

“So, how’s the vacation going?” he asked, trying to be casual. “You here much longer?”

“Two more weeks,” she confirmed. “I know three weeks seems like a really long time to be on vacation, but it’s such a long way to come and we didn’t want to miss anything. Besides, we came into a little money recently so it kind of made sense, and you did not ask for all this information, I’m sorry,” she apologised fast, looking away with a pinkness coming to her cheeks again.

She was adorable. It was impossible for Jess not to think so. Not that she wasn’t also beautiful and intelligent and interesting, but yeah, the rambling thing and blushing at the drop of a hat, that was adorable.

“It’s cool,” he promised her. “I have a kid sister that talks almost as fast as you so I can keep up.”

“Sometimes I think it would be cool to have a sister, or a brother, maybe, but it’s just me, so far,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Well, technically, Lil’s not my sister. Since Jimmy and Sasha never have gotten as far as making it official, she’s not even really my step-sister yet, but she may as well be.”

“That’s nice,” said Rory, giving him a winning smile.

Jess thought even the sun couldn’t measure up to her face when it lit up like that. She had the most amazing eyes and the greatest smile. Maybe he was falling in love like a dumb romance novel, much like Jimmy had suggested earlier. Jess suspected that meant he had also gone crazy, but he couldn’t be sure yet.

Arriving at the book store, he held the door for Rory like a gentleman then followed her inside. Neither of them were there with a specific title or even genre in mind, so they started on the sale rack and then moved in and out of the shelves, seeing what they could find that was of interest.

On the way, both Rory and Jess pulled out books they knew as well as those they found interesting but had yet to read. They shared opinions, agreeing sometimes, bickering at others and finding the disagreements were actually more fun than when they agreed. Whilst Jess extolled the virtues of the great Ernest Hemingway which Rory just couldn’t understand, she gave The Fountainhead all possible praise for its forty page monologues, watching Jess make faces as he dismissed Ayn Rand as a political nut. They quoted Ginsberg’s Howl and discussed the highlights of Dickens’ Oliver Twist. Hours passed without them hardly noticing, and it came as quite a surprise when an assistant passed by and told them it was only ten more minutes until they closed for the night.

“Oh my God!” Rory gasped, checking her watch. “Mom and Luke are going to be waiting on me,” she said, scrambling to her feet.

“I’m sorry” Jess apologised like a reflex. “I honestly didn’t know how late it was.”

“It’s not your fault.” Rory shook her head. “I blame the books. They’re very distracting.”

“They’re not the only thing here that is,” said Jess, unsure why he hadn’t kept that inside of his head.

He realised it was actually worth saying it out loud to see her go so bashful one more time. Rory was so passionate, intelligent, and downright forceful when she was giving her opinion on books and authors, but give her a compliment in even the smallest of ways and she looked ready to retreat just as quickly as possible. He loved that about her. Jess realised with a jolt that he loved so very much about her already. That was kind of terrifying actually, but at the same time, he wanted more.

“I’ll walk you to your hotel,” he said, hurrying to pick up the books they had spread on the floor and shoving them back on the shelves, as close to the right places as he could.

They didn’t seem to have found anything they actually wanted to buy, they had been so distracted by each other and their debates, but that was okay.

“I can go by myself, if you need to get home,” said Rory as they hurried towards the door. “I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Hey,” Jess said, catching her by the shoulder when she looked ready to bolt. “I’d get in worse trouble with my dad for letting a girl walk home alone in the dark than for being late for curfew.”

Rory nodded her understanding and acceptance it seemed, then suddenly shivered. Once the sun went down, it got a little chilly out on the boardwalk and it didn’t seem that she had brought anything extra to wear when that happened. Jess supposed she had expected to be back long before it got this late.

“Here,” he said, putting his jacket around her shoulders.

“Thank you, Jess” she said, smiling in the light of the lamps along the boardwalks edge. “And not just for the jacket. This was fun.” 

“It really was,” he agreed, meeting her gaze.

For a moment he just couldn’t look away, even though her blue eyes seemed to be cutting through him somehow. It was like looking into the sun, knowing you were going to lose your retinas if you didn’t stop soon and yet not caring if you went blind, because somehow it was worth it.

Only when someone else came out of the bookstore, bumping into Jess and throwing him closer to Rory did the moment break, and then only momentarily. He cussed at the guy who bumped him but the second he turned back he found Rory so very temptingly close. His hands were on her arms where he tried not to knock her flying, and she wasn’t exactly trying to get away.

“I, er... We should get you back to your hotel.”

Rory nodded dumbly in response and Jess wondered if he imagined the disappointment in her eyes when he let go of her and they set off walking. Maybe he should’ve kissed her. It wasn’t like the thought hadn’t occurred to him, or as if he never kissed a girl before. It was just that Rory was so different, so special in a way he couldn’t possibly describe. He barely knew her, though after just a few hours spent together today he felt as if he had known her for years, maybe forever.

They didn’t say much on the walk back, and then suddenly she stopped, telling him this was the place she was staying. Facing each other on the sidewalk, it was time to say goodbye, at least for now.

“So, er, are you working again tomorrow?” she asked him, handing his jacket over.

“No, not tomorrow” he told her. “I actually promised Lilly I’d spend some time with her. She wants to go to Pacific Park again! Sasha has too much going on, so I volunteered... but you could come, if you want.”

Jess wanted to smack himself in the head as soon as he said it. As if Rory would want to hang out at a theme park with him and his kid sister. It was such a stupid suggestion.

“I’d love to,” she said suddenly, surprising the heck out of Jess. “I mean, if you’re sure your sister wouldn’t mind.”

“Are you kidding? The more people she can drag into her plans and talk at for hours, the happier the kid gets.” Jess rolled his eyes. “Er, we can come by to get you in the morning. Around ten?”

“Sounds great.” Rory smiled, glancing up at the hotel.

She had to go and they both knew it. He ought to be running for home too, and yet here they stood, waiting, wondering.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Jess.

“Ten o’clock,” Rory confirmed nodding her head.

Still neither of them moved at all, and then suddenly they were both in motion, but towards each other rather than apart. Their arms wrapped around each other and then their lips met, all at once, electricity seeming to spark in every place their bodies touched. For maybe a minute it was like literal fireworks were going off between them and then suddenly it was over. Jess saw Rory running up the steps into the hotel, and fought in vain to get his bearings.

“Did that just happen?” he asked himself when she was gone, and then he smiled, because he knew it definitely had.


	4. Chapter 4

“But we always ride our bikes to the park,” Lilly whined. “Why do we have to get the stupid bus today?”

Jess winced at the tone to her voice and ushered her towards the door.

“Because, today is different,” he told her quietly and through mostly gritted teeth. “Because I have a surprise for you, but you’re not getting it if you don’t quit complaining.”

The realisation that she was getting some kind of perceived gift perked Lilly right up and certainly put paid to her whining. That was a good thing because Jess could really use Jimmy not waking up and asking what was going on. Sasha already went out to run errands, leaving Jess some cash to treat Lil with at Pacific Park, and nobody had mentioned anything about Rory this morning.

It had been bad enough last night when he got home from his impromptu date to a barrage of questions from both parents. Lilly was in bed by then, with no idea that Rory had even come back into Jess’ life. He chose not to tell her, or the parents, about today’s arrangements, and honestly, Jess wasn’t sure why he was covering everything up. Jimmy and Sasha were kind of cool about him dating. He didn’t get lectures on safe sex or the correct way to treat women. They trusted him, Jess was glad about that, but this was different. He really, really liked Rory, and until he figured out all that these feelings he was having really meant, he didn’t want anybody else’s opinion on the whole thing. Keeping secrets was going to be impossible now Lilly was involved, but for today at least, he might get away without too much fuss.

“Come on, let’s get going,” he urged her, hurrying her out the door.

“When do I get my surprise?” she asked, bouncing up and down like a bug on a hotplate. “Before the park? Or do we have to be in the park for me to have it?”

“Geez, and this is before you have any sugar,” Jess complained, rolling his eyes, though it was impossible not to smile too.

As kid sisters went, Lil was pretty cool. He wouldn’t be without her, that was for sure, and usually she only got this pumped over books and sometimes movies. Pacific Park was a weird anomaly, one of few places beyond the walls of their home that really appealed to her. She loved that park, especially the Ferris wheel. Jess was just mildly concerned that she would consider her trip with him spoiled if Rory came along. He hoped that wouldn’t prove to be true.

“I’m gonna tell you a secret, okay? And when I tell you, you have to promise you’re not going to go crazy and make one of those high-pitched little girl noises that deafens me.”

“Please! I have way more class than that,” said Lilly, folding her arms across her chest like a little version of Jess himself in a lot of ways,

“Sure you do. Okay, so the thing is, I saw Rory again yesterday.”

“I know that.” Lilly rolled her eyes. “I heard Jimmy tell mom when he got home from work.”

“Yeah, well, what you don’t know is that I spendta lot of time with her last night, and, er... I like her,” Jess explained awkwardly. “I like her enough that I asked her if she wanted to go out again, today, to Pacific Park.”

He winced when he said it, Jess couldn’t help it. He really wasn’t sure whether to expect joy or anger from Lilly when he told her about the invitation he extended to Rory, but he had a feeling that either option was going to be freakishly loud and obnoxious.

“Oh my God!” Lilly suddenly gasped. “I get to meet Rory? That’s so cool!”

Jess let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Joy was good. Relatively quiet joy was even better. Honestly, he didn’t really think Lil would have any other reaction to his bringing a date to their day out. She liked to meet people, and she seemed to really love the idea of Jess dating someone in a serious way. If he could hang out with Rory and keep Lilly happy too, Jess considered that a win-win. All he had to do now was gain a little insurance that he wasn’t going to come out of this day looking a fool.

“Look, this is the deal,” he told his sister. “You can meet Rory, we can all hang out, and I will pay for you to do anything you want at the park, but you have to promise me, no embarrassing stories, nicknames, or anything like that in front of Rory, okay?”

“Why would I even want to do that to you?” asked Lilly, almost looking hurt at the accusation, at least until she saw the look on Jess’ face. “Okay, why would I do that to you when you just offered to pay for everything?”

“Good answer.” Jess smirked, ruffling her hair as they continued on walking towards the hotel.

When they got there, Rory was sat on the steps waiting for them, even though they were early yet. She was only wearing jeans and a top, nothing fancy, but the sight of her knocked all the air out of Jess. Somehow he had started to think he must have imagined how beautiful she was, but apparently not, and that was with those amazing blue eyes of hers hidden behind sunglasses.

“Hey,” she greeted them happily.

“Hi,” Jess replied. “Er, Rory, this is Lilly. Lil, Rory,” he introduced them in as few words as possible.

“Hey, Rory,” said Lilly with a cheery wave, and a grin that was too much. “Do you like Ferris wheels?”

“Er, yeah, I do,” Rory agreed, a little startled by the sudden question. “I’m guessing you do too?”

“Oh yeah. The Ferris wheel is the best thing about Pacific Park. It’s huge!”

“Great.”

Rory was smiling when she said it and yet something told Jess she wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as she implied. Maybe she was regretting this trip already, now she saw Jess in daylight and was confronted with his rambunctious little sister. He hoped that wasn’t the case, but didn’t really want to call her on it just in case he was right.

“Come on! Let’s go!” Lilly urged him, grabbing his hand and pulling hard.

Jess lurched forward ungracefully, almost bumping into Rory, who laughed at the spectacle.

“You ready?” he asked, holding out his free hand for her to take then.

“Yes.” Rory nodded, putting her hand into his without hesitation. “Let’s go.”

* * *

When they hit the park, Jess struggled to keep a hold of Lilly who, as usual, wanted to go everywhere, ride everything, and eat all of the food. What surprised him the most perhaps was that Rory was up for most of the rides, even the kiddie-sized ones, and more than that, all of the food.

For hours they ran around the park, riding coasters, eating cotton candy, and taking a turn at the games. Lilly was having the time of her life, as always, and didn’t seem to mind walking a pace ahead of the teens that were taking care of her so they got to talk a little without her interference. It made Jess more than happy that he agreed to buy her anything she wanted today. She really was a good kid.

“Lilly!” a voice suddenly called from across the way.

“Tessa!” she yelled back, waving wildly.

“Friend from school,” Jess explained to Rory, the two of them moving quickly to keep up with his sister, as she in turn hurried to reach her friend. “Pretty sure she’s been away most of the Summer visiting with the grandparents or something.”

“It’s tough to be parted from the BFF.” Rory nodded in understanding. “I miss mine and I’ve only been here a week so far.”

When they paid attention to Lilly again, she and Tessa were talking a mile a minute, as the other little girl’s mother looked on in amusement.

“You’d think they hadn’t seen in each other for a year,” she said, smiling but rolling her eyes at the same time.

The next thing Jess knew Mrs Cortez was eyeing Rory with interest and he just knew he was going to have to explain who she was. It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t find out by proxy anyway. Oddly enough when he opened his mouth to make introductions, he found himself completely cut off my Mrs Cortez herself.

“You know, if you’d like, Lilly could stay with me and Tessa a while?” she suggested kindly. “The girls clearly want to catch up, and it would give you and your friend,” she said pointedly, “a little alone time.”

Jess glanced at Rory and saw she was blushing furiously. He felt like he would probably be doing the same if he had any less self-control. Not that he hated the idea of spending some time alone with his date, and it seemed like a fair bet that Lil wouldn’t mind. Of course, it would help if she were listening.

“Hey, munchkin!” he called for her attention, crouching down to her height so she could hear him better in the crowd. “Are you cool hanging out with Tessa and her mom for a while?” he asked seriously. “I’m okay if you do or if you don’t,” he advised her, wanting her to know he really didn’t mean to get rid of her at all, if she didn’t want to go.

“I wanna hang out with Tessa,” she said after a moment’s pause. “If that’s okay?”

“It’s fine. Just call me when you’re ready to go and we’ll find a spot to meet up,” he told her, not even minding when Lilly threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

What surprised him was the part where she whispered in his ear; “Win her a prize then take her on the Ferris wheel. You can’t lose.”

She had let go and run off with her friend and Mrs Cortez before Jess had a chance to fully process what Lil was suggesting. Ten years old and she had him pegged exactly. Maybe they let her read too many grown-up books. He really needed to talk to Sasha and Jimmy about that later.

“You okay?” asked Rory as he got to his feet and stood beside her.

“Sure, yeah. So, anything in particular you wanna do?”

“Hmm,” Rory considered, looking all around. “My hand-eye co-ordination leaves a lot to be desired, but I’ll try if you will?” she said of the games a few feet away. “I figure if we both play enough, at least one of us has to win a bear, right?”

“Sound logic,” Jess agreed, taking a hold of her hand again as they weaved through the crowd.

It made him wonder if Rory had heard what Lilly said. Either way, he didn’t mind much. He had been playing these games on a semi-regular basis for years now, since Lilly liked to come here pretty often. Jess had learnt all the tricks from Jimmy, how to throw the ball just so, or toss the dart at the right angle. When Rory chose the water in the clown’s mouth game for her first choice, Jess knew he was on a winner.

“You know the trick to this one?” he asked her.

“Other than take your best shot?” Rory asked with an amused smile.

Moving in close to her to impart his secrets, Jess put his hands over hers on the water gun and spoke softly in her ear.

“Aim high, then the water arcs down. More pressure, makes the marker go up until...”

He stopped talking as the bell rang, signalling a prize had been won. Rory laughed happily, turning in Jess’ arms to hug him. Though it seemed like kind of an over-reaction to winning a toy that was barely worth the cost of a turn in the game, Jess wasn’t objecting at all.

“Wow,” he said, completely dead-pan, as Rory was presented with the sad looking little bear.

“I think he’s cute,” she declared happily. “I think I’ll call him... Jess.”

He didn’t really get a chance to react to that before she set off walking towards the next attraction she wanted to see. Jess figured she wasn’t great about giving compliments any more than taking them and probably wanted to hide the fact she was blushing again. That was fine with him. She had a hold of his hand and was dragging him towards wherever she wanted to go next, and Jess knew he would happily go anywhere she wanted to take him.

They wandered around for a while, playing the games, taking a turn on a couple of rides, and eating. Jess was a little in awe of how much food Rory could put away. With Lilly, he felt the need to keep reminding her to slow down so she wasn’t sick as she asked for cotton candy, ice cream, popcorn, and a hotdog all at once. Rory seemed happy to buy herself all these things and pretty much eat continuously. In the end, it got the better of Jess and he had to ask about it.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you can really eat a lot,” he told her. “Do they not feed you at home?”

Rory laughed at that, which was a good thing. Whilst he was pretty sure she wasn’t the type to be offended by a comment like that, he really didn’t know her all that well yet. The last thing Jess wanted to do was screw up with this girl.

“Me and my mom are kind of known for our ability to eat junk, drink coffee, and never gain weight. We’re the envy of Stars Hollow,” she said proudly.

“I’ll bet you are,” Jess agreed, wondering if she had any idea how many ways he meant that. “So, what do say to hitting the famous Ferris wheel?”

Suddenly Rory wasn’t so much smiling anymore and Jess was just a little concerned.

“Um, yeah. I guess we should do that,” she said, nodding her head. “I just... You’re going to think this is so lame, but I’m a little nervous about the whole height thing. I mean, rollercoasters are fine, which I know is ironic, but it’s moving so fast I kind of don’t notice how high it’s going, but the Ferris wheel practically stops up there and... and you think I’m pathetic.”

“Not pathetic,” Jess promised her. “And if you don’t wanna go up, it’s fine. It’s just that the view is pretty spectacular, and I didn’t think you’d wanna miss it.”

Rory looked torn as Jess watched her glance from him to the Ferris wheel and back. She was clearly weighing up her options, and eventually, with a deep breath, she seemed to come to a decision.

“Okay,” she said, nodding he head. “I guess if you’re with me, I won’t be so scared.”

Jess couldn’t explain the feelings those words gave him, or more so the shiver that ran through him when Rory looked at him just like that. Maybe Jimmy and Sasha were right. Maybe he really had fallen in love the second he laid eyes on Rory Gilmore.

“This is going to end badly,” he said to himself, as he and Rory headed for the Ferris wheel, hand in hand.

She was going to leave. She already told him that two weeks from now she would be gone, and Jess knew he would probably never see her again. After all, it wasn’t as if she was even from the same state, the same coast. She was a New England girl and he had so easily become a California boy. It was hopeless and pointless to pretend anything could come of the two of them running around together, but for as long as it lasted, Jess was already so certain he couldn’t stop himself from going with it.

They sat down in the Ferris wheel gondola together, as the safety bar came down and the wheel began to move again. Rory was fine until they really gained some height. Not far from the top of the arc, her hand gripped Jess’ a little tighter and she scooched as close as she could get on the seat.

“Relax, you’re fine,” he promised her. “I’ve ridden this thing a hundred times, and I’m still here.”

“I know. I’m okay,” Rory told him, though Jess had a feeling she was telling herself as much as anyone.

“Hey,” he called for her attention, and the moment he had it, Jess put his hand to her face, guiding her closer and kissing her lips.

Rory didn’t seem to mind at all, in fact she got very into the moment. They parted just as their gondola hit the highest point of the Ferris wheel.

“Wow,” Rory gasped.

“Was that for the kiss or the view?” asked Jess, trying not to smirk.

“Both,” Rory admitted, looking past him at the buildings, the boardwalk, and the ocean in all its glory. “This is amazing!” she declared happily.

As they began to slowly descend again, Rory caught Jess staring at her and looked a little wary.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he told her. “Just admiring the view.”

She blushed again, curling into his side as they headed back down towards the ground. It was getting late into the afternoon now, and no doubt Lil would be calling to say she was ready to go before long. Jess hated that this day had to be over, and more so that he didn’t know how many more chances he would get to spend time with Rory before she was gone from his life. Two occasions that barely counted as dates in some ways, and he was already hooked on this girl. It would not be a stretch to say he was in love with her, and that had to mean he was doomed.

“Y’know the view up there is even more impressive at night, with all the lights and everything,” he said, nonchalant as he could manage as they stepped off the Ferris wheel onto the ground again.

“I’d love to see that,” said Rory, smiling brighter than any neon lights could ever be to Jess.

Yeah, he was definitely doomed.


	5. Chapter 5

When they got back from the park, Lil was full of tales to tell to her mom and Jimmy. That worked out just fine for Jess since he was able to slip off to his room without anyone really paying any mind. He knew he was smiling like an idiot and would not be good for any kind of conversation right now. His mind was elsewhere, still back on the Ferris wheel with Rory for the most part. She was honestly like no other girl he ever met and it both thrilled him and saddened him to have met her like this.

For as long as she was around, they were pretty much guaranteed to have the best time. They had an awful lot in common, both obsessed with books, classic movies, and good music, and yet they were different enough as to make things interesting. Honestly, it was almost more fun to disagree than to get along. Not that Jess was objecting at all to the moments when they wanted the same thing, especially when that thing was his lips on hers.

Though he managed to get to bed without anyone questioning him about the giddy look on his face or similar, Jess knew his luck wouldn’t hold forever. He got a promise out of Lilly before not to mention Rory in front of the parentals, but he knew that couldn’t last too long. It wouldn’t be fair to expect her not to slip up eventually, especially after their day at the park together. Rory’s name was going to come up again before long, and questions were going to be asked.

Thankfully, when the moment came, it was fairly painless. Jimmy left for work right after breakfast and Lilly was in her room, deep into a book, as she often was. Jess was taking his turn washing dishes whilst Sasha talked of spending a little time on her canvas this morning. She headed for her room but returned a minute or two later, fastening a headscarf over her hair, presumably to keep the paint off. Jess barely glanced up until she spoke.

“So, Rory, huh?” she said with a smile he could hear. “Don’t blame Lil. She really didn’t mean to say anything, she felt just awful about it.”

“It’s fine.” Jess shrugged, keeping his eyes on the dish he was washing. “You were gonna find out some time anyway.”

He looked over at Sasha leaning on the door jamb, saw the smile on her face and rolled his eyes. She was thinking exactly what he expected her to think, that it was just adorable to see him in love or something. Anybody who knew Sash would never suspect she was the fairy-tale princess type. Truth was she was pretty realistic about love, life, and everything else, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be as romantic and mushy as any other woman when she put her mind to it.

“She’s a tourist, right?” she asked then. “Rory, she’s just here for vacation?”

“From Connecticut, yeah.” Jess nodded, shutting off the water now the dishes were done.

“Wow. New England girl. She a blue blood?”

Jess’ eyes narrowed at the question and he frowned. Sasha didn’t judge people, not at all, so he wondered at her trying to categorise Rory this way. She must have read him right because she immediately explained herself.

“I just... I don’t want you to get hurt,” she told him quickly. “Some girls, women, they have their life all laid out for them, especially the upper class types. So they rebel. They pick some nice guy to... to go wild with for the summer or something, and then they go back to their life and forget all about them. I don’t want that for you,” she said, shaking her head.

“Rory’s not that girl,” Jess insisted. “Even if she was, I don’t think it’d matter,” he admitted with a sigh.

Sasha watched him drying off the cups and plates, and realised all too quickly what he meant. Poor Jess, he really had it bad. Even if this girl was some kind of user, he would happily be used just to be with her for a while. Love at first sight. It was no fallacy, Sasha knew that for sure. It had happened to her at least three times, though only this last one had really stuck. Love could be as fleeting as it was sudden. Somehow where Jess was concerned she had a feeling it was going to be a much more permanent state of being. That could be dangerous, and yet she couldn’t warn him off this girl, not when she could already see how Rory had affected him.

“Do we get to meet her?” 

Jess looked a little startled by the question, but only for a second.

“Maybe,” he considered. “You do get that I’ve only been out with her twice, right? I only met her four days ago.”

“You wanna give me the hours and the minutes too? Because I’ll bet you could.” Sasha smiled, coming further into the room.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” said Jess, trying to be pissed about it but failing miserably when he smiled back at her.

“I am not unhappy to see you feeling this way,” she admitted, her hand on his shoulder. “Everybody needs love in their life, Jess, and you deserve way more than you’ve had so far.”

She didn’t feel sorry for him as such, Jess knew, but Sasha had a lot of empathy for people. She understood what it was to be screwed over. Her own beginnings in life hadn’t been so great, and then things hadn’t worked out with Lil’s dad. Her first really stable family situation was with him and Jimmy, as there’s was with her and Lilly. None of them had really caught the greatest breaks until they found each other, they just didn’t talk about it much, mostly because Jess didn’t like to think of his make-shift family as the down-sized Brady Bunch.

“You don’t think I’m an idiot?” he checked then. “I mean, she’s going home in a couple of weeks, to just about the farthest point in the country from here. If I ever see her again after that it’ll be a miracle.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Sasha considered, “but don’t waste the time you have by worrying about what might happen later,” she advised, patting him on the back. “Just be happy, Jess. It’s all we want for you.”

“Thanks, Sash,” he said, still smiling as he allowed her a rare hug. “I think I’ll head out, see who’s around.”

“Enjoy,” she said as Jess grabbed his keys, cell, and wallet and left the house.

He didn’t have much use for the phone most of the time. It was really for emergencies and such, when Jimmy needed him at work or Sasha hoped he would come home to watch Lil for a while. Still, he had exchanged numbers with Rory so they could text when they wanted to meet up next or whatever. Switching it on this morning, the phone configured and immediately bleeped with a new message. Jess smiled when he saw it was from Rory and fought to read the screen in the bright sunlight.

‘Mom + Luke have plans for me today, sorry. How about 2moro night for the park?’

Jess couldn’t say he wasn’t disapponted to realise Rory wouldn’t be around today, but at least she was asking about seeing him tomorrow. He had suggested she see the view from the Ferris wheel at night and she was quick to agree to a date for just that very thing, though she wasn’t sure when at the time. Now tomorrow night seemed definite. Jess text back to confirm and told her he hoped she had fun with her folks today. When he was done, he closed up the phone and switched it for the paperback in his back pocket. Apparently he was spending the day without Rory or his little sister for company. Time to catch up with Franny and Zooey then.

* * *

“Hey, what held you up?” asked Jimmy as his son came crashing into the back of Dante’s Inferno. “Or should I say who?” he tried with a look.

Jess rolled his eyes.

“I was not with Rory,” he insisted. “I just got caught up is all,” he explained, waving his paperback in Jimmy’s face.

“Huh. Franny and Zooey, a classic. Not that you’d know it,” he said, eyeing the screwed up copy in his hand with distaste. “You may as well have cleaned the floor with this Jess. I taught you more respect for books than that!”

“That’s my travelling copy,” Jess told him, tying on his apron to begin working. “I have the hardback at home. Totally pristine.”

“That’s my boy,” said Jimmy with a smile, ruffling his son’s hair.

“Seriously?” Jess complained, fixing the mess his dad had made before getting to work.

It was tough not to smile. Jimmy was kind of a great father. The two of them weren’t much for hugs or ‘I love you’s but Jess never doubted for a second that Jimmy would do anything for him, that he always had his best interest at heart. He wouldn’t be here if that weren’t true. The other thing they rarely said was anything at all about Jess’ mother.

Jess knew very little about Liz, save for the fact she had problems of the alcohol and drugs variety. She got in a pretty bad way, so bad that Jimmy meant to leave her before, but then she was pregnant and there was no way to walk away from that sort of responsibility. Even with a baby to think of, Liz couldn’t kick her habits, and so the day Jess was born Jimmy had done the only thing that made sense to him, he picked up his son and ran.

Jess had the story relayed to him only when he was old enough to hear it and really understand. It hurt. Knowing his mother thought more highly of herself and her dirty habits than of him, but he didn’t doubt what Jimmy said was true. It made too much sense to be lies, and Jimmy didn’t pull any punches with his kid. Jess knew his father was no saint, that he made his own mistakes too. It wasn't as if he never had a drink, never partied with Liz, popped the pills, smoked the dope, but when it came to the crunch, he cleaned up his act. He knew he had to.

“Maybe I should’ve stayed. Maybe she would’ve changed for you, eventually, but I couldn’t take that chance,” he had said in explanation. “Liz wasn’t getting better, she was getting worse, and... I needed to get out, and I couldn’t just leave you, no matter how freaked out I was about being a single father.”

They made it work. Jess knew Jimmy was his dad, but quite honestly, he acted more like a buddy, an older brother maybe. Maybe that wasn’t the right way for them to be, but it worked. Besides, from the way Rory talked about her mom, the two of them were much the same, practically like sisters and definitely best friends rather than mother and daughter most of the time.

Thinking of Rory again made Jess smile all the more. It kind of sucked not getting to see her today, but there was always tomorrow. Sure, inside of two weeks she would be gone back to the east coast. Ironically, she was from the same kind of area where Jess himself might be now if his parents had stayed together. Life was funny that way sometimes.

“What can I get you?” he asked the next customer, shaking himself out of a daze.

He didn't really need to concentrate on his work, it came so automatically after all this time, but still it was better for Jess to keep his mind on the present. The past certainly wasn't his friend and further into the future wasn't necessarily so bright either. Maybe he would just think about tomorrow. Jess had a feeling that was going to be a good day.


	6. Chapter 6

Sasha insisted on Jimmy taking the day to get the books in order for Dante’s and then help her figure out some bill-related stuff at home. He had enough cover for the hot dog stand so it was fine, until Danny called in sick (literally) and then so did Marie (with reasons that neither Jess nor Jimmy wanted to hear about). Then Jimmy started talking about changing plans and Sasha got mad at him for being flaky. It took all of a minute for Jess to volunteer to put in a shift at Dante’s.

“I thought you were seeing Rory today,” Sasha countered.

“I’m not meeting her ‘til six. I can work until at least four thirty,” Jess assured her. “Problem solved.”

It really didn’t bother Jess to have to work today. In fact, it was probably a good thing since it stopped him thinking about Rory all of the time. That worked for the most part, but in the quiet moments it was tough not to let his mind wander, and then his thumbs followed, hammering out a text to see how she was doing. She seemed happy to text back and they volleyed quips back and forth on and off throughout the day. The clock was closing in on four when Jess took a moment to send his next reply, asking where Rory was right now. She replied within a heartbeat and Jess frowned as he read the screen.

‘Look up.’

On instinct, he followed the instruction, and there was Rory, smiling like her face would split in two.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he replied. “I thought I was meeting you later, at your hotel?”

“You were,” she assured him, nodding her head as she came closer to the window. “But Mom was having a shoe crisis and wanted to head back early. We were really close by so I thought I’d surprise you.”

“I’m surprised,” Jess confirmed, wiping his hands on his apron uncomfortably. “It’s great that you’re here.”

“You might wanna tell your face that,” Rory pointed out, biting her lip.

He wasn’t sure if she was trying not to laugh at him or feeling embarrassed by his lack of enthusiasm. Either way, Jess wasn’t altogether happy about it. Telling Joe, his fellow server, that he’d be back in five, he exited the stand and came around to where Rory waited on the boardwalk.

“I’m sorry,” he told her immediately. “I’m glad you’re here. Honestly, it’s been the longest day waiting for six o’clock. I just wanted to go home, wash the grease off, put on some clothes that don’t smell like hotdogs, before I saw you,” he explained. “But since you’re here already, if you don’t mind waiting a little while, you could join me... in coming to my house,” he clarified fast, realising what an idiot he was being right now. “Oh, geez,” he muttered to himself, though it was clear Rory heard because she giggled.

She was also blushing that pretty pink shade that looked so good on her. Not that Jess thought there was anything that wouldn’t look good on Rory. She was beautiful, inside and out. He knew it already, despite only knowing her a few days. As much as he liked her, he really hadn’t meant to invite her to shower with him. Not that he would exactly hate that idea, but Rory was so not that girl, and actually, he was pretty sure he liked her all the more because of that. Go figure.

“So,” he said then, starting over now the words were straight in his head, “in a half hour, you wanna come to my house? Meet the rest of my crazy family?”

“Sure,” said Rory, nodding and smiling. “Sounds great.”

* * *

Hand in hand with Rory, Jess realised just a few yards from home that he never did this before. He dated a little, but nothing serious, and that was why this would be the first time he ever brought a girl home to meet his family. Of course, Rory already knew Lil, and she had at least seen Jimmy at Dante’s. Sasha wasn’t really all that embarrassing as mother figures went, so Jess couldn’t really explain why his heart was thumping a mile a minute by the time they reached the front door and headed inside.

“Rory!” Lilly reacted just as soon as the door opened and she saw the other girl.

Her yelling brought the parents out from the next room, as Lilly barrelled into Rory and hugged her tight.

“Wow, okay,” she said, smiling. “Hi, Lilly. Great to see you again.”

“Sorry about that,” Jess apologised, even though she looked fairly unphased. “So, you remember Lilly. This is Sasha and Jimmy. Guys, Rory,” he said, making quick introductions, then shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

This felt just about as weird as he figured on it feeling. It was kind of like worlds colliding, the one where he and Rory were all but in love, and the one he had shared with his make-shift family these past few years. Honestly, Jess wasn’t sure how he expected this to go, but he was hoping for well. He really wanted the people who mattered in his life to just get along. It would make things so much easier.

“So, the famous Rory,” said Sasha, reaching to shake her hand.

“I’m famous?” she replied, looking surprised as she moved on to shaking hands with Jimmy next. “Well, I guess that’s better than infamous.”

“I promise we have only heard good things about you,” Sasha insisted.

“Same here, about you guys, I mean,” Rory assured her. “You have a lovely home” she said then, looking around at the shelves full of books and tchotchkes.

It was a weird set up, Jess knew, but from what Rory had told him about her own house back east, she ought to be at home amongst the library-like conditions and random clutter. Seemed like she and her mom lived much the same way.

“Come see my room!” Lilly insisted then, dragging Rory by the hand.

“Oh, okay,” she agreed since she didn’t entirely have a choice

Jess watched her go and couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t hate that Lil approved of his girlfriend, if he could really call Rory that at this early stage.

“She seems nice,” said Sasha, catching his attention then. “She’s got a good face and a great smile. I get a good vibe from her.”

“Without meaning to be the shallow person in the room,” Jimmy interjected then, “she is a ten, man,” he told his son, holding up his hand.

Jess high-fived against his better judgement. You couldn’t just leave the guy hanging.

“Thanks, Dad,” he said, even as he rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna grab a shower and change,” he added, heading for the bathroom. Jess stopped short of the door and looked back. “You’re not gonna be embarrassing, right?”

“Jess, come on,” said Sasha, looking just a little hurt. “Where’s the trust?”

“I trust you, Sash,” he said pointedly, eyes drifting to his father as he smirked.

“Oh, buddy!” Jimmy feigned a wound to the heart. “That hurts!”

“Hide the baby pictures and keep him on a short leash, please,” Jess urged Sasha.

“I promise,” she swore before Jess took himself off the bathroom at last.

He got washed and changed just as fast as he could, still not sure he liked the idea of Rory spending too long alone with his family. They promised not to be embarrassing on purpose, but there were a million things they could say that might end up being unintentionally mortifying to Jess. Unfortunately, he was a little delayed by his hair that just wasn’t bouncing and behaving today, but when he finally made it back out into the living room, Jess was glad to see the same smile on Rory’s face as before. She still liked him, wasn’t looking at him with disgust, pity, or too much hilarity. These were all good signs.

Sasha was talking about Rory coming over for dinner sometime, maybe bringing her parents if she wanted to, even as Jess was ushering her out of the front door. Glancing back at Jimmy, Jess wasn’t sure what the look on his father’s face was about. He wasn’t so much smiling anymore, in fact he looked about as awkward and pained as Jess had ever seen him in his whole life. When he got home tonight, Jess knew he would have to ask Jimmy what was up, but not in front of Rory. He didn’t want her hearing whatever was wrong, especially when it was probably about her. Jess really couldn’t think what it might be though.

“Your family are great,” said Rory as they headed out.

“Glad you think so.” Jess smiled genuinely. “Honestly, it’d be weird to be without Sash and Lil now. Corny as it sounds, it’s almost like we were waiting for them and they were waiting for us.”

“I get that.” Rory smiled right back at him. “Luke fitted right in with me and mom, like a missing puzzle piece. I mean, I know I have a real dad, but he’s never really around. Luke is the one who’s always been there for me.”

“Yeah, I get the absentee parent thing,” said Jess, looking away into the too bright sun a moment. “I never even met my mom.”

He glanced back at Rory and realised he said the wrong thing. Now she felt sorry for him, and bad that she ever said what she had. He didn’t mean to cause that.

“I’m sorry,” she said sadly.

Jess shook his head.

“It’s not important,” he promised, hand finding hers and entwining their fingers. “C’mon, we’ve got a bus to catch.”

He smiled when he said it, not having to try hard to do so. Rory was so amazing. She was gorgeous, obviously, and they had a ton in common, but now she had proved she could get along with his family and was a favourite with Lil too. If Jess believed in fate and destiny, in sloppy fairy tales that his little sister still thought could maybe come true, then he would say he and Rory were made for each other and meant to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, Jess lived in the real world and was all too aware that this relationship was doomed from the start to be short-lived at best and an unmitigated disaster at worst. Perhaps it made him crazy that he didn’t care, but he really didn’t. In fact, Jess vowed he wasn’t going to think any more about it, at least not for tonight. If his life had taught him anything, with all the moving around from one place to another throughout his childhood, it was that you had to enjoy each good moment you got as it came up, because you never knew how long you were going to have it for.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time Jess and Rory hit Pacific Park. They wandered around, eating cotton candy and popcorn, just messing around and having fun for a while before deciding to join the line for the Ferris Wheel. They had to wait quite a while, since everybody seemed to have the same idea about wanting to see the view from the top in the dark, but that was okay. Time passed quickly with so much to talk about, and kissing to enjoy when they ran out of words for a while.

Finally, when their turn came to climb into a gondolier, Rory moved up impossibly close to Jess putting her head on his shoulder like she had the last time, his arm around her back.

“You don’t look so freaked out this time,” he noted, kissing her temple.

“I guess when you’ve faced a fear it stops being so scary,” she said. “Like meeting your parents. That won’t seem so scary the next time either.”

“You were afraid of meeting Jimmy and Sasha?” asked Jess, his eyes wide. “Wow. They’ve got to be the least scary parents in the state.”

“I didn’t think they’d be scary, it’s just... It’s kind of a big deal,” Rory told him, picking her head up off his shoulder to look at him. “I... I really wanted them to like me.”

“Why?” he asked, even though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Because, they’re important to you, and... and you’re important to me,” Rory admitted, looking down a moment. “I know that’s crazy, and you’re probably giving serious consideration to jumping out of here despite the fact we’re a very long way from the ground but-”

“Rory,” Jess cut in, his hand at her face making her look at him again. “I... I love you,” he admitted then.

Honestly, Jess wasn’t sure where those words had come from or why he said them, save for the fact that it just felt right. He meant it when he said he loved her, as crazy as that was after not even a week of knowing her. Rory was like no other girl he ever met and he did love her. He could never explain it, but he did.

“You do?” she checked, looking as amazed as he felt, though he couldn’t clearly see her anymore in the dark way up here. “Because honestly, I was thinking that I loved you too, but it seemed so crazy-”

It was all she got a chance to say before Jess couldn’t stand it anymore, he just had to kiss her. They were so wrapped up in each other, in this perfect moment, that the Ferris Wheel was back on the ground before they parted, and then only because the attendant tapped them on the shoulder and insisted they move.

“We missed the view,” said Rory, looking a little overwhelmed.

Jess could understand that. He felt exactly the same.

“We’ll go again,” he told the attendant, handing over a couple of bills, though he barely looked at the guy.

“This is enough for at least two more trips,” he replied, looking at the money.

“Sounds good to me,” said Rory.

Jess smiled and moved in to kiss her again.


	7. Chapter 7

Jess Mariano all but floated home after his date at Pacific Park. From the hotel to his own front door, he saw and heard nothing, his mind happily occupied by all things Rory Gilmore. She was amazing, and the craziest part was that for once the girl that he liked actually liked him back. The big L word had been used, in fact. She loved him and he loved her. After barely a week, they had to be insane, and yet, it was as true as any fact had ever been, and could not be refuted.

Passing through the living room, Jess changed his mind and doubled-back to the kitchen to get a glass of water before heading to bed. He hit the light switch by the door and nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Geez, Jimmy! What the hell, man?” he gasped, a hand over his heart that was hammering in his chest.

“Sorry,” his father apologised, waving a beer bottle around in his hand. “I was just... Well, actually, I was waiting up for you.”

“Seriously?” Jess checked his watch. “It’s not even ten o’clock.”

Contrary to what some may have thought, Jess did have a curfew, but they were nowhere near it right now, and even if they were, Jimmy was not the type to lurk in the dark and frighten the crap out of his son just because he was a little late home. Something else was going on here, and Jess suddenly remembered the weird look on his father’s face when he left for his date with Rory. This wasn’t about where he had been or for how long, it was who he was with.

“Jess, buddy...”

“This is about Rory. For whatever reason you’ve decided you don’t want me seeing her.”

“No, man, that’s not it.” Jimmy shook his head, sipping at his beer before realising there was none left to sip and abandoning the bottle on the worktop. “It’s just... I really don’t wanna have this conversation right now,” he admitted then, going to the fridge for another beer.

The moment he opened the door, Jess closed it, almost taking his father’s hand off in the process.

“What is going on?” he asked him seriously. “C’mon, whatever it is, just tell me.”

They were pretty good at talking to each other when they had to. Since Jimmy and Jess were all each other had for a good twelve years, they had to be close, because there wasn’t anyone else around. Now they had Sasha and Lilly, but it didn’t change the fact that Jimmy and Jess could talk if they needed to. They’d covered all the awkward topics before. How Jess came into the world. His mother. Puberty, girls, the birds and the bees. Jess couldn’t imagine what could be worse than all of that, unless Jimmy planned on telling him not to see Rory anymore, and apparently that wasn’t it.

“Tell me,” he repeated. “Please.”

Jimmy took in a breath and let it out like a sigh. Jess waited a few beats and felt more relieved than worried by the time his father actually started to talk.

“Rory, she was... she was telling us about where she was from.”

“Right, she’s from Connecticut. So, what?”

“A little place named Stars Hollow, right?”

“Apparently. Again I ask, so what?”

There was a weird sort of a smile on Jimmy’s lips that twisted into a grimace before he made hs admission.

“You know your mother was from there?”

Jess felt his eyes widen like a cartoon at the sound of those words. They never talked about Liz, never. Not in good ways or bad ways. It had been years since Jess stopped asking about his mother and Jimmy certainly never brought her up of his own accord, at least not until now.

The fact she and Rory were from the same town was like the mother of all coincidences, but these things did happen. Since Jess knew for a fact he was born in new York, clearly Liz got out. The chances of she and Rory ever having met were slim to none, at least he hoped that were true.

“Huh,” he said, the only sound that made it out of his mouth, even as his mind ran with a million thoughts.

“There’s more.”

Jess didn’t think he could be any more overwhelmed until Jimmy said that. He certainly didn’t have the words to ask for an explanation and only hoped his father would take the hint and continue anyway.

“Er, Rory was talking about her step-father. Seems his name is Luke and he runs a diner in town.”

“She told me that,” Jess confirmed.

“Yeah, I figured.” Jimmy nodded, rubbing the back of his neck as he paced the kitchen - not an easy task in so small a space. “Well, what she doesn’t know - what she couldn’t know, obviously - is that he is... Well, he would be your uncle.”

“What?”

At that point Jess was pretty sure his brain spun so fast it fell completely off its axis. This was a lot to take in. He sat down on the nearest chair with a bump, staring into nothing and seeing less. This was crazy, beyond crazy. It felt like fate and destiny, meeting Rory the way he had, falling in love with her inside of a week. It was like some awful romantic comedy and yet not so bad that he wanted it to stop. Now came the shock that his girlfriend’s step-father was his biological uncle, brother to a mother that Jess had never even met.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I wasn’t going to tell you. I thought, y’know, what was the point? Rory would go home soon and then it wouldn’t matter, maybe you never had to know, but you know Sash. The second she found out, it was... She thought I should tell you anyway.”

“No, she’s right. You had to tell me,” Jess agreed, not even mad that Jimmy had considered keeping it a secret.

At the end of the day, it shouldn’t make any difference. The relationship he had with Rory, new and intense as it was, shouldn’t and couldn’t be affected by something like this, but it might have been easier not knowing. Liz was such a weird topic area. Some days, Jess felt mad at her for not getting over herself enough to be his mother, for not trying to track him down over the years. Other days, especially when he was younger, he just wanted a mommy of his own. Right in this moment, he didn’t know what he wanted. He told Rory he would love to meet her parents, her mom and her step-dad. Now that whole situation was a different thing entirely, because it meant meeting Liz’s brother.

“A lot to process, huh?”

Jimmy’s voice sounded too far away to be real, even with his hand on Jess’ shoulder. He nodded anyway, brain still whirling.

“I told her I love her,” he blurted out suddenly.

Jimmy sunk down into the chair on the opposite side of the table, eyes and mouth both wide open now.

“You... you what?”

“Rory. We were on the Ferris Wheel and she was taking about how much she liked you guys, and how important I was, and... and I told her I love her.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Silence reigned after that particular revelation. The fact Jess had found words after the first one was a miracle to him. Now he was out, all done, nothing left to give. This was way too much to process, though he was doing his best. He couldn’t focus his eyes enough to even know if Jimmy was still there, but he figured he must be. Sat there together in the dark, the Mariano men had nothing left to say, so they said nothing for a good long while. Jess couldn’t have said if five minutes passed or five hours when a question finally came to mind that he needed to ask.

“Does he know?”

“Does who know what?” asked Jimmy, frowning in real confusion.

“This Luke guy. Does he know I even exist?”

“He does.” Jimmy nodded. “I mean, he knows Liz had a kid, obviously.”

“He know my name?”

“No. No, we didn’t talk about names. I registered you, after. Named you after my dad,” Jimmy reminded him with a smile. “Your grandfather would have loved you.”

Jess smiled at that, he couldn’t help it. He never had grandparents. Neither of Jimmy’s parents had lived to be old, and one of the few facts he knew about his mother’s side of the family was that her mother was gone when she met his dad, and her father was on the way out. Apparently, there was very little to gain on Liz’s side except for an uncle, an aunt, and by marriage, a cousin... who he was dating. Jess felt a little sick.

“Oh, geez!” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. “This is just... How the hell did this happen?”

“Coincidence?” Jimmy tried. “Maybe fate? Who’s to say?”

Jess dragged his hands down his face and tried to focus. This was too weird, way too strange to contemplate. Maybe he could have handled suddenly running into Liz or mysterious uncle Luke, just maybe, but having Rory all tied up in this? It was way too much!

“Hey, you okay?” asked Jimmy then, a hand on his son’s shoulder again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Jess, looking him in the eye. “It’s not.”

Jimmy didn’t control the universe. He didn’t make Rory come here. He didn’t cause Luke to be her step-father. All he did was the best he could for Jess. It was all he’d ever done. Unfortunately, this time around, there was no fixing the situation, no making it not complicated.

“So, what do you want to do now?” asked Jimmy then. “It’s totally your call.”

Jess shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, completely at a loss. “It is what it is. Rory’s step-father is... my uncle, apparently. I have to tell her. There’s no way I can’t. She wants me to meet her family...”

His voice faded out as humourless laughter took away his words. This was truly insane.

“You think he’ll tell Liz?”

“I don’t know,” Jimmy admitted. “I guess he might, if he still sees her. If she’s still... I mean, she could be anywhere.”

He changed tack at the last but Jess knew what he meant, nodding his head to prove it. There was a chance Liz was dead by now. The way she drank, did drugs, put herself in stupid situations, there was more than a chance she was no longer for this world. It was weird how Jess had never really thought of that possibility before, not seriously, not until now. It was weird how much it hurt.

“I’m going to bed,” he said, getting up very abruptly. “I don’t know if I can sleep, but I can’t deal with this right now. I just can’t.”

“I get it,” his father agreed. “And it’s late, we should at least try to sleep, but Jess?” he called after him, loud as he dare in the house where two others slept on. “Buddy, I’m here for you. You know that, right?”

“Always.” Jess nodded, forcing as much of a smile as he could manage before he walked away. “Weird night,” he muttered to himself. “Way too weird.”


	8. Chapter 8

It took a couple of days for Jess to get his head around things. In trying to distract himself, he sat down again to write his paper for school, the essay on his earliest or favourite childhood memory. Thinking over his past with Jimmy didn’t really help him know what to do about the future, only hardened his feelings when it came to Liz and made him want to run screaming from the possibility of Uncle Luke. He would’ve played the avoidance game and done it well, if it wasn’t for Rory. There was no way in hell he could stay away from her, not now, maybe not ever, though their home locations might make it impossible for them to physically be together before too long. Still, in the past two days he hadn’t exactly made an effort to be around her or even make any plans for some other time. It didn’t matter too much. She had places to go and stuff to do with her parents, she didn’t need to be in Jess’ pocket all the time. She seemed a little pissed though, now that he thought about it. She was texting a lot at first, eager to talk, to meet up even, but as Jess fobbed her off, Rory’s messages got shorter, less quick in coming, and he hated himself for probably making her feel bad.

“Hey,” said Sasha as Jess emerged from his room. “How’re you doing today?”

“I’m not sick,” he reminded her with a look.

“Maybe not physically,” she said, coming over and checking his head just be sure. “Hmm. I’d say you’re heart sick.”

She wasn’t kidding. Sasha rarely joked about things like this. She was very in tune with people, emotions and auras and stuff. She wasn’t exactly a hippy or whatever, she was as practical as she was artsy, but she felt things, understood things. As mother figures went, Jess couldn’t ask for better. Sometimes, though he never said it out loud, he wished Sasha and Jimmy had got together from the start. Of course, that would make him and Lilly completely different people, if they existed at all, but Jess didn’t like to think that far down into the detail. He just knew he would like it better if Sash was really his mom.

“I have to talk to Rory,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t keep putting her off and I can’t spend time with her and not tell her about all this, so... I have to talk to her,” he repeated, looking less than eager to go forward and actually do it.

“I know the answer is probably going to be no,” said Sasha, putting a hand to his face, “but if you need someone to be there, I can come along. Or we could call Jimmy if you’d rather he was there?”

“Thanks, Sash. I mean that.” Jess smiled. “But this is something I have to do alone.”

She nodded that she understood, pulling him closer until they were nose to nose.

“You’re a good kid, Jess Mariano,” she told him, planting a kiss on his forehead. “And you’re growing up to be a real impressive young man too.”

If Jess was the kind to blush then this would have been one of the moments when he did so. Sasha really was like the mom he never had, but that didn’t change the fact he had a real biological mother out there, whose brother he could easily run across when he went to call on Rory at her hotel. It was time to bite the bullet and get this over with. Not dealing with it was making him crazier than actually dealing with it ever possibly could, so now was the time.

* * *

She wasn't at the hotel when he got there. Jess had thought about checking before he set out, but Rory wasn't exactly replying to his texts at any kind of speed, and quite honestly, he didn't want anything to put him off now he'd made the decision to just do this. He waited in the lobby for hours, not knowing if she and her family would be back very soon, or not until after dark. It didn't matter. Jess had come this far and he was seeing the situation through. He was going to go crazy if he didn't.

The people at the reception desk kept throwing him dirty looks, but Jess ignored them. He read a book, listened to some music from his Walkman, went back to the book, and tried his best not to watch the clock. Lunch time came and went. He thought about skipping out to grab some food but he didn't want to miss Rory and wouldn't risk it.

Just when Jess was thinking he couldn’t hang around here any longer, the door opened, and Rory walked in.

“Jess?”

She looked startled by his presence as he stood up from the couch and got in her path.

“Hey, Rory. I, er... I need to talk to you.”

For a moment, all Jess saw was her confused face and then he realised they weren’t alone. What had to be Rory’s mom and step-dad were just a couple of paces behind her, looking like the perfect couple in love. Jess supposed that was what they were, as well as being his uncle and aunt. He swallowed hard at that thought.

“Hey, Jess,” said Lorelai, recognising him instantly. “Were we expecting you?”

“Um, Luke, this is Jess,” Rory introduced, looking five shades of awkward. “Jess, this is Luke, my step-dad.”

“Hi,” Jess greeted them with a vague version of a wave.

Honestly, he didn’t know what else to say or do. His eyes were on Luke now, more than anybody else. Jess couldn’t help it. He was searching the older guy’s face for anything familiar, any features that might be a trait from that side of his DNA. All he achieved was earning himself a very odd look from Luke and a similar one from Lorelai.

“You okay there, Jess?” she asked, before looking to Rory. “He doesn’t normally look like that, right?” she asked out the side of her mouth.

Rory looked mortified by the question. All Jess could do was laugh, which probably made him seem even more strange to the adult who never met him before. This was the most bizarre situation, he barely knew where to start, but he was going to have to find a way, and fast.

“Maybe we should leave them alone, Lorelai,” Luke suggested, trying to guide his wife away.

“No, it’s cool,” Jess insisted. “I actually need to talk to all of you.”

“I don’t understand,” said Rory, looking really worried now. “Are you okay?”

“Yes and no,” he tried to explain. “I’m... I’m just gonna say this,” he decided at last, shifting his gaze to Luke. “I’m your nephew.”

“You’re my what?”

The poor guy looked like somebody just socked him the mouth. Jess wasn’t altogether surprised by that. After all, Jimmy said that beyond knowing Liz had a baby, Luke knew nothing about Jess, not his name or where he ended up or anything. Naturally he would be shocked to have some stranger announce that they were related. Jess had been just as shocked when Jimmy told him who Luke was, but there really was no good way to break this news other than ripping off the band aid and hoping for the best.

“Okay, pause now and then rewind, ” said Lorelai, making wild motions with her hands. “You and Luke are related?”

“Huh,” said Rory, shaking her head. “This is... You’re kidding, right?” she checked with Jess.

“Nope. No joke,” he promised her. “Hey, I’m sorry to spring this on you. I only found out a couple of days ago, but Jimmy’s pretty sure-”

“Jimmy?” Luke cut in, practically exploding when he spoke Jess’ father’s name. “Jimmy is... Oh God. You really are. You’re... You’re Liz’s son?”

The two men stared at each other a long moment, Jess not knowing how to answer a question that wasn’t really a question, Luke not having a clue how to process this information. Eventually, it was Lorelai who took charge.

“Okay, here is really not a good place for this,” she said, looking around at staring eyes and gossiping fellow patrons of the hotel. “Everybody into the elevator, here we go,” she said, ushering Luke, Jess, and Rory in the right direction.

Nobody spoke until they reached the fourth floor, and then it was just Lorelai again, herding them all to what was undoubtedly her and Luke’s room. Jess tried to catch Rory’s eye but she wasn’t playing ball. She looked so overwhelmed. Jess knew how that felt and regretted just blurting out his news in some ways. Unfortunately, he wasn’t so sure there was a delicate way of explaining this situation. No way to do it that wouldn’t be shocking.

“Everybody take a seat,” Lorelai advised.

Luke sank down onto the end of the bed whilst Rory perched on the couch. Lorelai joined her there and encouraged Jess to take the nearby chair.

“Now, let’s start over,” said Lorelai sensibly, an arm round Rory as she spoke to her. “Honey, did you know that Jess was related to Luke?”

“No,” she admitted. “I had no clue.”

“She had no clue, because I had no clue,” Jess confirmed. “Seriously, I found out two days ago after our date at the park,” he told Rory honestly. “Jimmy was waiting up for me. He told me when you were hanging out with him and Sash you talked about your hometown and your family. Stars Hollow is a small town, he figured there wasn’t going to be more than one Luke running a diner there.”

“He’s right,” said Luke flatly, staring at nothing for a moment, and then very intently at Jess. “He’s... This is where you’ve been? The whole time?”

Jess shook his head.

“Six years. We moved to Venice the Summer before I was twelve. Before that, we lived all over. Minneapolis, Chicago, Biloxi, Maine, New Jersey, New Hampshire-”

“But you never went back to New York,” Luke cut in. “Never came to Connecticut to meet your mom.”

“She never looked for us either, did she?”

Jess meant to make a snippy comment, to fight back against what sounded like an accusation from Luke. The way the words came out was much softer than he intended. He needed to know for sure. Did his mother come looking for him? Did she clean up her act? Did she do it for him? The way Luke looked away proved that no, she didn’t.

“Liz was... She was in a bad place. Your father taking off with you did not help.” 

“I’m not here to talk about what my father did or what my mother was like,” said Jess, getting up from his seat then, feeling the need to be on his feet even if he didn’t plan to leave yet. “I just... After Jimmy told me, I couldn’t keep that kind of thing to myself. I had to tell Rory, and that meant I had to tell the two of you. You had a right to know.”

Jess looked to Rory then, hoping for some kind of reaction, though he wasn’t sure which one he was expecting. She looked shell-shocked still. Confused and maybe a little sad. Lorelai had her arm around her daughter, rubbing her arm, though her eyes were on Luke. She was worried for her husband too, and Jess could appreciate that. None of this was their fault, no more than it was his either.

“This is crazy,” said Rory at last. “How...? I mean, of all the people I could meet here, of all the places we could’ve picked for our vacation.”

“I know.” Jess nodded. “Trust me, I know.”

“I can’t believe it,” said Luke, running a hand over his face. “I mean, I believe it. Honestly, looking at you, it’s so obvious,” he said, looking at Jess and shaking his head. “But Rory’s right. What are the odds of this? Of us meeting like this?”

“I’d say pretty steep,” Jess considered. “But it happened. We met, and I know it’s crazy and doesn’t make sense, but... it is what it is. There’s no changing it.”

“I wish I knew what to say right now,” said Lorelai then. “I mean, you don’t know me, kid, but trust me, rendering me speechless ought to earn you a prize.”

“I heard that about you,” he replied with a smirk, Jess just couldn’t help it. “If you're offering that prize, I’d take a few minutes alone with your daughter.”

He looked from Lorelai to Rory but she didn’t respond right away.

“Sweets?” her mother prompted. “You want to go talk with Jess for a little bit?”

Rory looked at Jess and then shook her head, almost breaking his heart until she actually spoke.

“Yeah,” she said, in spite of the negative movement just a moment before. “Yes, I do.”

She got up to go with Jess, as Lorelai switched positions to sit by Luke and ask if he was okay. Jess didn’t hear what answer his uncle gave, he just followed Rory to the room next door. Then they stood there facing each other, with a hundred things to say and none coming to mind for the moment.

“So,” she tried eventually, pushing her hair back behind her ears with both hands. “My step-father is your uncle. That’s... weird.”

“You’re not wrong,” Jess agreed. “Mostly, right now, I’m just grateful he’s your step-father and not your actual father.”

“Huh,” said Rory, thinking that one over for a few seconds. “Yeah, that’d be... Wow, I’ve never been more glad that Luke is not my real dad,” she said then, sinking down to sit on the edge of the bed.

She looked about as green as Jess had felt the other night when Jimmy first gave him the news. Jess hoped that his pointing out how not actually related they were, Rory would get over this faster than he did. Right now, it didn’t so much look like it.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asked, looking up at him very suddenly.

“I don’t know.” Jess shrugged. “For making things complicated? I never meant for any of this to happen, Rory. I never meant to say what I did on the Ferris wheel the other night...”

“You didn’t?” she checked, looking pained.

“I didn’t,” he confirmed. “But I meant it.”

“Me too,” she agreed. “Do you think that makes us crazy?”

“Probably.” Jess nodded. “That bother you?”

Rory smiled then slowly shook her head. That made Jess smile too as he walked forward and sat down beside her, reaching for her hand. His fingers entwined with hers, and her head dropped onto his shoulder. They sat there in silence for a moment, and then Rory turned her head, kissing Jess’ cheek. He moved to kiss her lips, and then suddenly they had their arms around each other and all the complications of the world went away for a while. Unfortunately, it couldn't last forever. When they parted to breathe, Rory pulled back some, mindful of where they were, how far this could go if she let it.

“Jess,” she said softly. “I... I don’t know how to deal with this. I can’t believe I met you and everything is going so well, but then we’ll be going home soon... And now you’re Luke’s nephew?”

“I know, it’s a lot.” Jess sighed. “Kind of a big deal.”

“You got that right, mister,” Rory agreed. “But y’know, if we have such a short time together, regardless of all the family stuff, shouldn’t we just make the most of it, while we can?”

Jess didn’t have a verbal answer to that. Mostly he was just relieved that Rory still wanted him around as much as possible for as long as she was here, and he proved that when he kissed her one more time.


	9. Chapter 9

They were going to have dinner. After some back and forth and severe deliberation, it had been decided that the plan Sasha had tried to make before the 'we're all related' blow-out should go ahead. Lorelai, Luke, and Rory would all come over to the Mariano-Horne house for a civilised dinner. Jimmy agreed, for his son's sake as much as anything. He knew how messed up this whole situation was and seemed pretty certain Luke was going to rip his head off, either literally or figuratively, at the first opportunity, but he was doing it anyway. That meant a lot to Jess. His father knew what Rory meant to him, even after so short a time. He knew because that was how it had been for him with Sasha. As the old song went, 'just one look, and I knew'.

It was kind of weird when Jess thought about all that had happened in the last few days. He had known Rory less than two weeks and already they were talking the big L word. He meant what he told her about his feelings and was sure she did too. In the hotel room the other day, they were sailing past second base when a knock on the door parted them and Lorelai came in to see if they were okay. They passed off their embarrassment as awkwardness over the days revelation about Jess being related to Luke, but Lorelai probably saw through that. Still, it had to be a good thing that they’d been stopped before things went too far. There was way too much to figure out before that kind of thing happened.

“I feel ridiculous,” said Jess, emerging from his room, messing around with the cuff on his button down shirt. “Dressing up for dinner? It’s not normal for us.”

“It is when we have guests,” said Sasha definitely. “We just don’t have them that often.”

“Or ever,” said Jimmy with a look, pulling at the collar of his own shirt. “Y’know this is just a waste of a good shirt, right? If Luke has his way, I’ll be bloody before dessert.”

“Will you stop?” Sasha told him with a significant look towards Lilly.

Thankfully she didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the quiet conversation near the table. She was curled up into the corner of the couch with a book in her lap, as usual, wearing what Jess could only describe as a princess dress. She wasn’t usually into that kind of thing, at least, she didn’t seem to be. Of course when she heard how important this dinner was and how folks were dressing up, she suddenly became determined to look the part.

Sasha said before she was concerned that talk of Jess’ absent mother would bring on talk of her own daughter’s absent father. She hoped that wasn’t the case, and so far Lil hadn’t brought up dear old dad. It made Jess glad too. He liked the idea of Lilly being his sister and would rather not have too many reminders that they weren’t really related. That part of this was maybe what hurt the most in a weird way.

“Hey, munchkin? You wanna sit next to me or next to Rory for dinner?” he asked her with a smile.

“Can’t I sit with both of you?” she asked hopefully.

“Um, yeah, I guess so,” Sasha considered. “I’m thinking we can get the three of you on this side, Lorelai and Luke on the other side, me and Jimmy at either end. Does that work?”

“I guess so, yeah.” Jimmy nodded, rubbing the back of his neck at the same time. “Er, I’ll go get that extra chair from the bedroom.”

He made a hasty exit, and after a moment’s consideration, Jess went after him. This was so many kinds of awkward, he didn’t even like to count, but it had to be done. There was no choice.

“Hey,” he said, catching up to his father.

Jimmy was stood in the bedroom, hands braced on the back of the chair he was supposed to be fetching. He didn’t move an inch or turn to look at Jess at all, just kept on staring straight out the window towards the ocean view.

“Y’know for a while there I actually thought we were gonna make it,” he said, almost too quietly for Jess to hear. “I thought we could have this life, and that’d be it. You’d never get curious, Liz’d never come looking. Maybe I was selfish.”

“You were not selfish,” said Jess definitely, moving up behind him, a hand on is shoulder. “You took me out of there. You did your best for me, I get that.”

Jimmy turned to look at him and found a smile for his son.

“I took you away from your mom.”

“No.” Jess shook his head. “She’s my mother, but she is not my mom. She never raised me. She couldn’t keep sober and clean when she carried me, for crying out loud! What kind of mom do you think she would’ve made?”

The answer to that was easy. A crappy one. They both knew it, and that was why Jimmy had taken baby Jess from the hospital and bolted as far as he could get.

“It seemed like the right thing at the time, and I never regretted my decision, no matter how tough things got. Sometimes though... I wondered if I shouldn’t have tried harder with Liz, at least given her a chance. If not her, then Luke and William. They would’ve been good. A good uncle, a good grandfather. You could’ve had more family...” he said, shaking his head. “Luke’s gonna hate me,” he said then, meeting Jess’ eyes. “That guy’s... He’s not always the easiest to get along with, but he really, really believes in family. I took away his only nephew. His sister’s kid. He’s not just gonna forgive me for that, man.”

“Well, he’s going to have to,” said Jess definitely. “The past is the past, it’s done. Okay, maybe you shouldn’t have taken me away from New York, or you should've called and told him where we were, maybe,” he agreed, “but he could’ve looked. Liz could’ve looked. It’s been almost eighteen years. If they did try, it can’t have been very hard. They didn’t know my name but they did know yours.”

Jimmy had to nod and agree that he had a point. Luke could hate Jimmy, but if he really wanted to track his ex-brother-in-law down, he could’ve done it, there were ways. He couldn’t have cared that much or it wouldn’t have taken SUCH A strange coincidence to bring them all back together like this.

“Jimmy? Jess?” Sasha called from the living room. “They’re here!”

“Why do I feel like I’m about to walk into battle?” asked Jimmy, hefting the chair into his arms.

“We few, we happy few,” quoted Jess, slapping him on the back as they went out to meet their guests.

“We band of brothers... in-law,” Jimmy noted ironically. “Oh, geez!”

* * *

Nobody was talking. It was ironic that a meeting of this mixed up family had been called almost entirely so the people present could converse, and yet silence reigned across the dinner table right now. Three times Sasha had tried to start a conversation, not about anything important, just the weather, the food, innocuous things just to get some words out there. It didn’t work. Lorelai made an effort too, but nobody else, not even Lilly. Clearly she was picking up on the tension and got scared of making it worse. Rory and Jess would only look at their food or each other. Jimmy and Luke seemed to be avoiding looking at each other at all costs and neither appeared to be anywhere close to happy. Jess supposed they should all be glad the two guys hadn’t punched each other in the face yet, but it felt like such a small victory.

“That was amazing, Sasha,” said Lorelai as she put her flatware down on an empty plate. “I wish I could cook like that. In fact, I wish I could cook at all. Of course, we have Luke to cook for us, so it doesn’t really matter anymore that I can’t even boil water, but yeah, sometimes I kinda wish I had any kitchen skills.”

“I’m sure Luke could teach you,” said Sasha kindly.

“Ha!” Lorelai laughed overly loudly at that. “Yeah, patience is not always dear hubby’s strong point, and I am seriously beyond useless for anything expect occasionally stirring, and one button microwaving,” she explained. “That and making coffee. Coffee I can do.”

She kept on laughing, Sasha smiled, and even Rory made an effort to look happy, but it wasn’t working. Jess felt like he should be using his knife to cut the tension between Jimmy and Luke rather than to continue dividing his fish into smaller and smaller pieces. He wasn’t eating anyway, he couldn’t bear to. The knot in his stomach was getting bigger all the time, and he seriously could not take much more of this.

“Sookie’s a great cook too,” said Rory suddenly. “She works with my mom at the inn. She’s amazing.”

She looked at Jess as soon as she got done talking and gave him a smile. Poor Rory, she was really trying, but it wasn’t going to happen. Small talk was not going to help this situation. Jimmy and Luke needed to hash out whatever issues they were having and that wasn’t going to happen unless one of them started. If they wouldn’t initiate the conversation, the fight, whatever it was they needed to have, then Jess would.

“Okay, let’s do this,” he said, turning his chair a little to face Luke in the opposite corner. “Do you blame Jimmy for taking me away from you and your sister?”

“What?” asked Luke, apparently shocked by the question.

“C’mon, man, you’re not this stupid,” Jess snapped.

“Please, don’t,” Rory urged them both, but Jess already knew he couldn’t spare her feelings on this one - he wished he could, but he couldn’t.

“I did not come here to be insulted,” said Luke, slamming down his fork.

“Then what did you come here for?” asked Jess, just as crossly. “To get to know me? To glare at my dad? What? What are you here for?”

“Jess.”

Jimmy looked caught between mad and sad as his hand landed on his son’s arm and their eyes met. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go down. Well, boo-freakin’-hoo. Jess didn’t want any of this and if he was going to have to go through it, then he was having it his way for a change.

“No,” he said, pulling his arm free from Jimmy’s grip. “I want this figured out now,” he said definitely, getting up from his chair and facing Luke again. “Anything you wanna say about Jimmy or Liz or me, let’s have it.”

“You wanna know what I have to say?” asked Luke, getting to his feet too now. “I don’t have any fight with you, Jess. I just feel sorry for you,” he said, more sad than angry it seemed. “You could’ve had a family - a mother, and an uncle, and a grandfather - but no. No, the great Jimmy Mariano knows better than everybody else. He made the decisions and damn the consequences to anybody in the blast zone!”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” said Jimmy, joining the fray. “You know how bad things were.”

“Okay, I’m thinking, hasty exit. Who’s with me?” said Lorelai, looking around the faces of the girls present.

Jess didn't protest when Sasha led them all away from the table. This was what needed to happen, the blow out to end all blow outs, just so it was over with. Then at least they could find a way to move on.

“You have no idea what you did to Liz when you left with her son like that!” said Luke angrily.

Jimmy remained oddly impassive to the daggers being shot from his former brother-in-law’s eyes. Jess might have been impressed, but quite honestly he would rather his dad stand up for himself a little more than this.

“You got this all wrong, man” he said at last, getting up to face Luke head on. “You were always the big family man, I get that, but that’s exactly what I was trying to be. I had a son, a baby that was lucky to be born normal after all the crap Liz put her body through when she was carrying him,” he said, pointing at Jess but glaring at Luke still. “And you wanted me to put him in harm’s way? To leave him with Liz when she was drinking every day, smoking weed every day-”

“It was not that bad,” Luke protested.

Jimmy actually laughed.

“Are you kidding me, man? You’re livin’ in a fantasy, Luke. It was exactly that bad, and you know it!”

Jess felt like he was in the middle of a tennis match, eyes shooting back and forth between father and uncle as they did battle. He knew what Jimmy was saying had to be true. It was the story he’d related to him before, at least in part. Maybe Luke could have argued the finer points, but the fact he had suddenly gone very quiet proved to Jess that there was no valid fight to put up anymore.

“I know what she was like,” said Luke eventually, one hand rubbing his forehead. “I do understand wanting to protect your kid, of course, I do, but... but we weren’t like that. Me and my dad, we would’ve helped.”

“I know.” Jimmy nodded. “And I am sorry that you and William never got to be a part of Jess’ life, Luke. I mean that, but I couldn’t take the risk of getting in touch. You guys always forgave her. You’re her family, you should, but... but this was my kid, y’know? I couldn’t take chances anymore.”

Jess never saw his father cry, not once, but he had a feeling that if he kept on watching he might just see it today. This was a lot for Jimmy to deal with, stuff he had buried over the years and hardly ever brought up with Jess unless he had to. He loved Liz once, he had to have done. Not that Jess was so naive as to think his parents got married for any reason other than the fact she fell pregnant with him, but they did love each other once upon a time. Talking about how he left, it didn’t make Jimmy feel great and that was written all over his face. As Jess looked from him and to Luke, he could see his uncle was hardly less upset by all of this. At least some of the anger was fading now, without anyone taking a swing. That had to be a positive thing.

“I guess I can’t blame you entirely,” said Luke, almost too quietly to be heard, eyes down on the table. “A parent’s first priority is the safety of their kid. I know it’s not the same, but that’s how I feel about Rory.”

He looked at Jess then, and somehow the mood shifted. The look on his face had nothing to do with Jimmy taking Jess away from Liz and everything to do with Luke being a protective father.

“Hey, I would never, ever hurt Rory,” Jess said definitely. “I know we haven’t known each other a long time or anything, but I... She’s special,” he settled on eventually, not willing to tell this stranger who was his uncle that he was in love with his step-daughter. “Now you can be mad at Jimmy or thrown off by how this whole situation came up, but you are not gonna tell me and Rory that we can’t be together!”

“You don’t have the right to-”

“He has every right,” Jimmy jumped in the moment Luke started to argue. “This is my house, and this is my son. I don’t wanna make any of this worse than it already is, but you’re the one who has no rights here, Luke,” he said firmly, his hand on Jess’ shoulder.

He looked mad. Jess watched all kinds of anger and frustration pass over Luke’s face before he finally yelled for his wife and step-daughter. They emerged from the next room and Luke looked at them both, sadly shaking his head.

“We need to leave, please.”

“Sure,” Lorelai agreed. “If that’s what you wanna do. Er, sweets?” she said, looking to Rory then. “If you want a minute with Jess...?”

“Yeah. Yes, I do,” she agreed.

Jess nodded that he wanted that to, moving to take her hand and lead her through the kitchen, out the back door. He didn’t really care a whole lot about what happened with regards to Luke. He lived without an uncle this long, Jess figured he could manage if he never got one now. The problem was that Luke and Rory were connected, and there was absolutely no way Jess could live without her, not now, not ever.

“Got pretty intense, huh?” she said as they stepped out into the summer sunshine.

“You could say that,” Jess agreed. “Didn’t exactly sign up for this, did we?”

Rory shook her head sadly, moving in closer. She wrapped her arms around Jess then and pulled him to her until their lips met. He couldn’t object at all, he sure didn’t want to as he kissed her back with everything he had. This was what they wanted, just a simple summer romance. Instead, they got way too much intense and serious family drama. As if there wasn’t enough pressure in knowing they had barely more than a week left before they had to part forever.

“I don’t regret meeting you,” said Rory as they parted, holding onto him still. “I never expected any of this to happen, Jess. Not falling for you, not you and Luke being related, none of it, but I wouldn’t change it, even if I could.”

“Me either,” he promised, pushing her hair back behind her ear. “We’ve gotta be crazy, you know that, right?”

“I know,” she agreed, smiling in spite of everything. “Isn’t that what makes it so good?”

“Maybe.” Jess smiled right back at her, laying another kiss on her lips while he had the chance.

She had to leave within a minute and Jess sighed as he watched her walk away. At least he knew he could see her again, probably tomorrow or the next day. It wouldn’t be long before she was gone for good, and somehow in between all that, he was going to have to figure out what happened next with him and Luke and Jimmy. The very idea of dealing with all that gave Jess a headache. He looked back into the house, giving it due consideration and then turned and started walking in the opposite direction. He didn’t know where he was going, but out of here had to be better than the alternative right now.


	10. Chapter 10

Jess didn’t expect to get in any trouble for his long walk down to the beach, even though he hadn’t told anybody where he was headed or for how long. Jimmy and Sasha had to understand that he needed to get away for a while. It was Lilly who seemed to be most worried about him when he came home pretty late.

“Woah!” Jess exclaimed as she ran at him the second he got in the door, slamming into him and hugging him tight. “Hey, munchkin.”

“I thought you weren’t coming back,” she said, hanging on to him like she was afraid he would disappear any second.

Jess closed his eyes and sighed. He hadn’t meant to scare her. It never occurred to him that she would worry like that, but now that he thought about it, it did make sense. Though she really didn’t remember anything about her father, she did know that he walked out on her and Sash, and for no reason that she could understand. It wouldn’t take much for her to get the idea that the family feud she heard earlier could result in her big brother leaving her just the same way.

“Hey,” he said, crouching down to her level and meeting her eyes. “I would never, ever leave you like that, okay?”

“You promise?” she checked

She wasn’t crying now but looking as if she might’ve been before. Jess felt sick.

“Lil, when people get older... life happens,” he tried to explain. “I can’t promise that we’ll always live in the same house or even the same place, but I’m always your brother, and I’m always going to be there if you need me. I promise, if I had to leave, I would tell you, and you would know exactly where to find me. You got that?”

Lilly nodded her head solemnly, then threw her arms around Jess’ neck to hug him some more. He hugged her back, holding on tight for as long as she needed. The last thing he ever wanted to do was upset her or have her feel like she couldn’t count on him. Things were complicated enough without having his little sister’s heartbroken too.

Jess and Lil had both been abandoned in different ways. Her father walked out without her. At least when Jimmy ran he took Jess with him, but Liz never came looking. The only reason Luke had found him was by a real strange coincidence. Jimmy, Sasha, Jess, and Lilly had built their own family, filling in the holes that were left gaping by other absentees. It worked for them, and Jess wasn’t sure how he felt yet about having an uncle, an aunt, or a potential relationship with his mother. Even after all that time spent wandering around thinking, he still felt at a loss.

“Where’s your mom?” he asked Lilly then.

“She and Jimmy are in their room, talking. Before, there was yelling, but it’s been pretty quiet for a while now,” she explained, going with her brother to sit down on the couch.

Jess nodded that he understood. Probably best he didn’t go getting into the middle of the parental discussions right now. No doubt he was to blame for some of the upset, running out the way he had, but much of it would be about Luke and Jimmy’s fight. Jess was only grateful they hadn’t actually come to blows.

“So, are you going to meet your mom now?” asked Lilly, all in childish innocence.

“I don’t know,” said Jess, honestly, because right now he really had no idea where they all went from here. “I don’t even know if she’ll want to meet me, or where she is, or anything. That’s what I should’ve found out at dinner, I guess, but...”

So much for a family meal and a reasonable conversation. Jess had thought Sasha was giving in to wishful thinking on that one and was not at all surprised when he was proved right. It would’ve been nice if her theory panned out, but none of them were so naive as to really believe whole-heartedly that it would.

“You and Rory aren’t related, are you?”

The look on Lilly’s face was so confused and disgusted that Jess almost laughed, even though there had been nothing funny about this situation up to yet.

“No, munchkin, we’re not,” he promised her. “Luke’s only her step-father, not blood.”

“We’re not blood either, but we’re family.”

“I know,” Jess agreed. “It’s complicated, Lil. It has a lot to do with how you’re raised. I mean, if I knew Luke was my uncle from the start and me and Rory had known each other when we were kids, it probably would’ve been different. Especially if he was really her dad, then it definitely would’ve been, but he’s not. It’s complicated,” he repeated, only realising now just how true that statement was. “Look, all you need to know is that I’m your brother and I always will be, and Rory is... well, me and Rory...”

“You love her,” said Lilly for him, grinning wide now. “You’re like Jo and Laurie.”

Jess opened his mouth to reply but then closed it again fast. She never had read any more of Little Women, not since Beth died. Though Jo had rejsted Laurie’s marriage proposal already, clearly Lil was hoping for an eventual happy ever after. If Jess and Rory were the characters she spoke of, that didn’t bode well at all.

Thankfully, there was to be no further discussion on that particular topic. Sasha emerged from the bedroom, glad to see Jess home and all for checking he was okay. She said she needed to get everything cleaned up from the dinner that went so wrong and Jess offered to help her. Anything to take his mind off Rory, Luke, his parentage, and everything else screwing with his head right now.

* * *

Jess sent Rory a text message first thing the next morning to see if she was okay and moreover if she would be able to meet up with him later. She replied almost immediately saying she was fine but not sure if she would be able to come see him, though she would try. It made Jess smile that she wanted to make an effort for him. It would probably be easier for her to stay away, with her step-father so bent out of shape over Jimmy and all, but no. Rory had meant what she said when she told him she loved him, Jess didn’t doubt it at all. He meant it when he said it to her too, as crazy as that seemed.

A part of Jess kept on expecting to wake up and find this whole situation was some kind of weird dream. Meeting Rory, falling for her, then finding out her step-father was his uncle, it was all fairly unexpected and strange. Not that Jess was complaining at all. He still didn’t know what he was going to do about his uncle or his mother, but he did know what he wanted when it came to Rory. He wanted to spend as much time alone with her as he could before she had to go home, and he was very much aware of that time running out.

‘Meet me on the boardwalk?’ said Rory’s next text message.

‘The bench by the book store?’ he suggested in reply.

‘I’ll be there in ten minutes’ she promised with a smiling emoji.

Jess smiled for real as he sent the same symbol back. He wasn’t much for that kind of thing, but this was Rory, so he didn’t care. Grabbing his jacket, he made his way quickly to the spot that had fast become their own, arriving a couple of minutes before Rory herself.

“Hey,” she said as she approached the bench.

“Hi,” he replied, looking up at her, not sure if he was being blinded more by the sun or her smile. “Glad you came.”

“Me too,” she agreed, sitting down beside him.

They were kissing inside of ten seconds, and it took a while before they came up for air. Even then, they sat close together, his arm around her, her head on his shoulder.

“This is a real mess,” she said with a sigh.

“Tell me about it,” Jess agreed, kissing her hair. “First time I fall for a girl and it causes a family feud.”

Rory’s head came up off his shoulder so fast she almost broke his jaw. With wide eyes, she stared at Jess, and he replayed his own words in his head, checking for what had her so shocked.

“You never...? No, you must’ve dated before. I mean, look at you!” she declared.

Jess smiled at the compliment, he couldn’t help it.

“I date. I mean, I’ve dated,” he confirmed, “but nothing serious, until you.”

He felt weird saying it to her, even though it was true. Love confessions on a ferris wheel in the dark had seemed so easy. Even in the light of day on the back porch yesterday after the family dinner that went so wrong. Here and now, with her staring at him wide-eyed and baffled, Jess felt too self-conscious. He felt the need to get away, and yet he didn’t run, not from Rory, not now.

“Wow,” she said eventually, pushing her hair back behind her ear when the breeze moved it. “I didn’t... I guess I just assumed there were other girls before.”

“Were there other guys?”

Jess wasn’t sure whether he wanted the answer to that question or not, but he had asked now and he wasn’t about to take it back. It seemed strange now that he thought on it that they never talked about this before. Conversation was usually all about books, movies, music, and anecdotes from their lives that were unlikely to include exes. Now Rory was going to tell him about the boyfriends back home she might have had. Jess realised very quickly that he was holding his breath and made himself relax, seconds before Rory answered his question.

“Um, there was one guy,” she admitted, looking away. “Dean.”

“Huh.”

“It was... We were pretty serious for a while, I guess.”

“Recently?”

“No.” Rory shook her head. “We dated for around six months in Sophomore year. It just didn’t work out.”

Jess nodded that he understood, even though he had no experience of his own in dating a person for that long. Given the kind of girl Rory was, he believed she had been serious about this Dean person, or they never would’ve been together for six months. Jess would be lucky if he could stay with her for a fraction of that time, since she would be headed home in a week or so.

“If it helps, you’re the first guy that I said ‘I love you’ to,” said Rory then. “Which is kind of crazy after such a short time, but it definitely proved to me that Dean was a mistake. I mean, he was a great guy and everything, but when it came to the big L word, he was ready to say it, I never was. That was the beginning of the end.”

“Is it bad if I like that you never loved him?” asked Jess, smirking because he couldn’t it.

“No,” Rory assured him with a smile of her own. “I like that there’s only you on that list,” she said, moving in closer again so his arm went back around her.

Jess was happy enough to hold onto her, as much literally as figuratively. No matter how much he tried to put it out of his head, he couldn’t shake the dread that came with knowing she couldn’t stay with him too much longer. That led to thoughts of her mother and step-father, and then his own mother who he had never met.

“Your mom and Luke have been together a long time, right?” he checked.

“No, not that long,” Rory explained, her head back on his shoulder now as they both stared off at the ocean beyond the beach. “They were friends for a long time, since I was around eleven, then when I transferred schools Sophomore year, one of my teachers, Mr Medina, he asked out Mom. He was such a nice guy, my favourite teacher at Chilton, actually, but Mom just couldn’t do it. It took her a while to realise why. She loved Luke. After that they started to date, and then Luke proposed, and they’ve been married a year already. It happened pretty fast in the end, but I guess when you know you know, right?”

She moved to look at him and Jess smiled.

“Yeah,” he agreed, kissing her lips, knowing now she was talking about them as much as her parents.

“Y’know, it wasn’t just Mom that was sure about Luke. I was too,” Rory explained. “He’s just always been there for us, the whole time we’ve known him. He stepped into the space where my dad should be a lot of times, I guess. He really is a good person, Jess.”

“I’m not saying he’s not,” Jess assured her, though he knew he probably didn’t look like he meant it.

Undoubtedly, Luke Danes was a good guy, but he was the enemy of Jimmy right now and that made Jess want to go automatically on the defensive. Still, the last thing he wanted was to be fighting with Rory. They needed a subject change, and yet it was hard to get off a topic that had been filling his head for days now, especially when Rory might be able to quell some of his fears and concerns.

“Did you ever meet Liz?” he asked eventually.

Rory shook her head.

“No, she didn’t come to the wedding. I’m not sure why exactly,” she admitted. “You think you want to meet her?”

“If I knew, I’d tell you. Kind of a weird concept.” Jess considered a moment, before shaking his head. “Could we maybe talk about something else?”

“Sure.” Rory smiled. “How’re you doing with The Fountainhead this time around? Because I actually think I’m getting to like Ernest now...”

She continued on in a similar vein, happily snuggling into Jess’ side as she did so. He was listening, kind of, but his mind would not stop wandering. Off the topic of his mother, he was instead thinking again about how he would deal when Rory left at the end of her vacation. He almost asked her, but thought better of it in the end. Better to enjoy the time they had while they had it, he knew, however tough that was becoming at this point.


	11. Chapter 11

Jess sat at his desk, trying for the hundredth time to finish his paper for school. He had started over so many times on this dumb essay topic. His earliest memory or a particular favourite from his childhood. There were plenty to choose from and yet none he wanted to share, nothing he seemed able to get onto paper anyway.

Not that he wasn’t focused enough on the past, but it was more the parts that might’ve been than what actually had been that held his attention. He couldn’t help letting his mind wander, trying to figure out what his life could have been like if his parents stayed together, if he grew up in New York or maybe Stars Hollow. Having an uncle and a grandfather who cared, maybe meeting Rory a whole lot sooner.

As much as he thought about the possible past he might have had, Jess also considered what the future held. He had a life here, a family that the four of them had built out of the remnants of two broken ones. It worked, and Jess was happy enough. Still, he couldn’t help the fact that he would kind of like to know the other side of his family, Luke and even Liz. He felt guilty about it, and yet this was maybe the one topic he was not prepared to talk to Jimmy about. It just felt wrong.

A knock on the door startled Jess from his silent reverie, causing him to look down and realise that his paper was still far from done.

“Jess?” Jimmy called as he opened the door and peered inside. “Hey, man. Can we talk?”

“Sure” he agreed easily, turning the chair around to face his father.

Jimmy perched on the end of the bed, running a hand over his hair. If Jess didn’t know any better, he would say that dear old Dad was nervous about something, though he couldn’t imagine what it was that had him so rattled. Sure, he looked pretty shaken up when he had to tell Jess about Luke and all, but he highly doubted there could be another bombshell to come. There was no more news to shock him with, Jess was sure.

“What’s up, Jimmy?” he asked when is father proved less than forthcoming.

“Well, nothing, really,” he admitted eventually. “I mean, nothing is up. Things are good. I, er... I went to go see your Uncle Luke today.”

If he didn’t have Jess’ full attention before, he certainly had it now.

“What happened?” he asked, sure his concern was evident.

He couldn’t see any cuts or bruises on Jimmy so apparently nothing too horrific had occurred, but for the life of him Jess couldn’t understand why his father would go poking the bear again. Three days since the derailed family dinner and there had been scant mention of the maternal side of Jess’ parentage until now. He almost dreaded hearing what came next.

“Well, I wanted to go and clear the air, or whatever. I figured if you did want to get to know Luke, you should have that chance, and you couldn’t until we figured things out between us,” Jimmy explained. “Believe me, I’ve had better conversations, but it was cool.”

“It was cool,” Jess echoed. “So, you guys are friends now?”

“Friends is pushing it” said Jimmy, rolling his eyes. “But we can do the whole civil thing. We didn’t exactly love each other like brothers when we were brothers-in-law, but nobody is going to punch anybody out or anything.”

“Huh.”

Jess didn’t know what else he was supposed to say. He hadn’t firmly established in his own mind whether he wanted to get to know Luke or even go as far as meeting Liz, but it was cool to know he had more of a choice on it now. Before, it had been so awkward, so strained. Jess didn’t want to say anything to upset Jimmy, but was also mindful of offending Rory by proxy if he rebuffed Luke. It was all such a mess, but at least his father had tried to make it better.

“Thanks,” said Jess eventually. “I know that had to be tough, dealing with him.”

“Hey, it is what it is.” Jimmy shrugged. “Luke’s cool, he just... It’s tough for him to understand why I did what I did. And I get it, man, I do. I took away his nephew, his sister’s kid. People aren’t always rational about family.”

Jess nodded in understanding, but couldn’t really focus much. He had choices now, real options, more so than he had a few days ago. In some ways, it made things easier; in others, it was almost worse. He was already wondering how to deal when Rory went away, and now he had this really small window in which to get to know Luke before he left too. Then he had to decide whether he wanted to go meet Liz. A visit to the east coast would mean seeing Luke again and on an even bigger upside, seeing Rory, but what kind of relationship could they really have going forward, with them living on opposite sides of the country?

“You know we’re not going to make you do this, right?” said Jimmy then. “I mean, you can know Luke, or even Liz, if you want to, but it’s your call, Jess. Nobody’s forcing you one way or the other.”

“I know, and thanks,” he said, trying to smile and finding it tough. “Seriously, I appreciate this, it’s just... it’s a lot.”

“I know, son,” Jimmy agreed, laying a hand on his shoulder. “And for any part of this that’s my fault-”

“It’s not,” Jess insisted. “Seriously, Dad, none of this is your fault.”

Jimmy smiled at that and his son knew why. He didn’t call him ‘Dad’ very much. Honestly, he never really had, and Jess couldn’t say why. It would be easy to think it was because Lilly called him Jimmy and Jess called her mom Sasha, but it had been the same since he was a little kid. That was why the way he addressed his father now mattered so much.

“So, you think you want to get to know Uncle Luke?” asked Jimmy then.

There was a pause when Jess considered his options. He was already pretty sure he did want to get to know Luke, it was more about being sure Jimmy was genuinely okay about it. Sometimes it was hard to tell, even after seventeen years in constant company.

“I’ll talk to him,” he said eventually, fairly certain that at least was going to be okay. “Rory seems to think he’s this great guy so, I guess a conversation would be cool.”

“Okay then.” Jimmy nodded. “We’ll give him a call.”

* * *

Awkward. That was just about the only word that Jess could find to sum up this meeting. It wasn’t the fearful awkward of the family dinner a few days ago, or the apprehension and nerves that he felt knowing this was Rory’s father figure. This was a whole other level of awkward, as two people not known for being especially wordy in company were trying to get to know each other.

Jess was wary of saying too much about Jimmy and the life they’d had together so far, already sure that Luke was not going to care for any of the details, any more than he cared for his ex-brother-in-law in general. He supposed Luke was just as wary of mentioning Liz too much, or making it sound as if life was just dandy without Jess in it. There was a fine balance to be struck between the two of them, but that was never going to happen for as long as silence reigned.

“Rory said you like to read almost as much as she does,” said Luke after another long space in conversation.

“Probably more.” Jess nodded.

“You get that from your father.”

“I know.”

Silence came over them again, and Jess let out a long sigh. This was ridiculous. They had been sat opposite each other in the hotel restaurant for almost an hour, and though some of the quiet could be blamed on their eating lunch, much of it was just that neither knew what to say for the best. Jess had learnt little more about Luke and his life than what Rory had already told him, and had told his uncle very little of his life either. It was all very stupid.

“So, I had a grandpa, right?” Jess tried next. “William?”

“Yes, you did,” said Luke, smiling as he recalled his father fondly. “He would’ve loved you. He did better with boys than girls. He and Liz had a rocky relationship, but a grandson? He would’ve doted on you, Jess, I know it.”

“It would’ve been cool to know him.”

Jess was mindful of the fact Luke was probably about to get abusive about Jimmy taking Jess away and denying grandfather and grandson the chance to meet, beyond a few moments in the hospital on the day of his birth. Surprisingly, no explosion or rant came.

“Unfortunately, even if you had been around, you probably wouldn’t remember him,” said Luke, shaking his head sadly. “You wouldn’t’ve been more than four when he died.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jess, not knowing what else to say. “So, your diner was his place before?”

“It was. He had a hardware store there, and after he passed, I remodelled, opened the diner. I do okay.”

“Rory says you make the best pancakes in the state. And the best coffee in the world,” he said, smirking the last part because he knew how crazy it sounded to Luke as well as to him.

“I’ve been trying to stop her and Lorelai from drinking so much coffee and eating so much junk for years,” Luke explained. “At this point, I’ve almost given up. They will not change. Not that I want them to change, just maybe their eating habits a little bit so they don’t die too soon,” he confirmed.

Jess tried not to smile at his uncle’s evident nerves. He was just as concerned about offending Jess in some way as Jess was about offending him.

“We’re going to have to get over this whole apologetic thing if we’re going to be friends or whatever,” said Jess thoughtfully. “Let’s just go with, you say what you want and I’ll say what I want, and if we find anything offensive, we can make it known without yelling.”

“Sounds good.” Luke nodded. “Y’know, you’re really not what I expected.”

“Huh.”

“Not in a bad way. Not that I expected you to be... Aaw, geez!” Luke exclaimed, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m a little out of my depth here.”

“Makes two of us.”

Another bout of silence seemed set to follow, but just when Jess decided he wasn’t going to let that happen, Luke beat him to the punch.

“Y’know if you wanted to come visit, to Stars Hollow, I mean, we could do that.”

Jess was tempted to say he wasn’t sure, but honestly, the larger part of him wanted to bite Luke’s arm off, for all the wrong reasons. Here was his uncle, giving him the chance to get to know his family better, and all Jess could think about was how he was being handed the opportunity to see Rory again.

“I mean, it’d be like a two for one deal,” Luke continued, almost as if he read Jess’ thoughts. “You could come see where I grew up, maybe even meet your mom, if you wanted to, but also, you could see Rory too.”

“Maybe.” Jess nodded, determined not to commit to anything yet. “Do you...? I don’t even know what Liz looks like, not really,” he admitted then. “Jimmy has a picture but it’s from way back, so...”

“Here,” said Luke, reaching for his wallet. “I have something, right here.”

Pulling out a small photograph, he handed it to Jess. She looked a lot like the picture he saw before, though obviously older. She seemed healthier now, clearer eyes, brighter smile. Maybe she had figured her life out at last. It hurt just a little for Jess to realise that if she had, she never cared to come find him and tell him so. Maybe it was easier for her to move on and forget him, in which case, would she even want to meet him at this point?

“She doesn’t know yet that we found you,” said Luke, even as Jess continued to stare at the picture. “At first, I didn’t know what to do, and then I figured it wouldn’t be fair on either of you to break that news if you didn’t want to know her.”

“I don’t know,” said Jess honestly, “but thanks.”

Even Jess wasn’t sure whether he meant for Luke’s lack of action on telling Liz about him or for the picture. Mostly the first one, probably, he decided, as he handed the photo back.

“You can keep it if you want.”

Jess shook his head. “Thanks, but no”

He couldn’t take it and he wasn’t sure why. He opened his mouth to say he wouldn’t need it because he’d see the real Liz soon enough, but the words never made it out. Mostly he supposed it was the shock of realising that he did fully intend to meet his mom sometime soon, even if he didn’t have a clue what he would say or how he would handle it.

“For the record, I’m not sorry that we met,” he told Luke then. “I get why Rory talks about you like she does. You’ve really been there for her.”

Luke smiled, both of them knowing he was flattered, and also that he was itching to say he would’ve been there for Jess to, given half the chance. It had to be time to let bygones be bygones, to accept the past was as it was, and concentrate on moving forward instead. If only they knew the future, they might not be so worried about how it would go, but that wasn’t possible for anyone.


	12. Chapter 12

They were avoiding the topic and they both knew it. When Jess called Rory to ask her if she wanted to go out tonight, he refused to say anything about it being the last chance before she left, and she never mentioned it either. It hurt too much to think about, and way too much to say. After less than three weeks of knowing each other, they were head-over-heels, as crazy as that seemed, and by this time tomorrow she would be on a plane, heading a couple of thousand miles away from him. It was too cruel, and yet it was true.

It was Rory’s idea to meet up at one o’clock, presumably to spend as much time with Jess as possible before her departure. The words went unspoken even then. They spent the whole of the afternoon on the boardwalk, hanging out around the stores and the stalls. They marvelled at the view and took pictures. They walked on the beach holding hands and kissed like the first and last time all rolled into one.

In the bookstore, Jess told Rory to pick out any book she wanted and he would buy it for her, no matter the title, no matter the price.

“What if I chose the Encyclopaedia Britannica?” she joked, barely holding in a giggle, he was sure of it.

“That’s not just one book,” Jess pointed out, “but if your question is about the cost of the book, I don’t care. Get something that makes you happy. Whatever the price tag, I’ll pay.”

He said it like it didn’t matter, like what he was offering was perfectly normal and reasonable. It wasn’t. Sure, Rory was most likely going to pick out something ordinarily priced for him to buy her as a parting gift, but he wanted her to know what she meant to him. Somehow this was easier than any other words, even though the gesture wasn’t exactly huge.

The way she was looking at him right now, Jess could imagine he just offered to shower Rory with diamonds or at least buy her the whole book store. He would’ve sworn he could see tears in her eyes as she leaned forward and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. When she pulled back, she was smiling.

“I know exactly which book,” she told him then, taking a hold of his hand and leading the way.

Jess wasn’t paying particular attention to where they were headed, which shelves or what section of the store. When Rory picked up the title she wanted and handed it to him, he must have looked as confused as he felt, because she quickly explained her reasoning.

“It’s how we met,” she reminded him. “We reached for the same book.”

Nodding his head, Jess smiled at the memory. It was all of a few short weeks ago, and yet it could’ve been a year, a decade, since he and Rory both reached for this very book and grasped each other’s hands instead. Looking down at her fingers wrapped in his again now, it never occurred to Jess to let go.

“This is how I want to remember you. Me and you. Us,” Rory explained, swallowing noticeably hard.

Jess shook his head.

“Don’t do that,” he urged her. “The day’s not over yet.”

Rory seemed to try for a brave smile, but it didn’t quite come out right. Jess pulled her closer and put his arm around her shoulders, walking her over to the cash register to pay for her book. On the bus, he took the special purchase from her and scribbled notes on one of the blank pages. Handing it back, he stopped her when she looked like she was going to read it.

“When you get home, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

They sealed the agreement with a kiss, moments before the bus arrived outside Pacific Park. It had always been Jess’ idea to take Rory there on her last day. He had this romantic idea about taking her on the Ferris wheel one last time, just as the sun was setting. The view was at its best then, the perfect mixture of dark and light. She would get a last look at the beach, the boardwalk, and all from up high, and then in the darkness that followed, the epic sight of all the coloured lights.

Jess hadn’t considered that Rory might get emotional, or that she would so easily take him down with her. They were at the top of the Ferris wheel when she turned to him, one tear streaking down her face, and told him how much she was going to miss him when she got back home.

“You won’t,” he told her, wiping away her tear with his thumb. “You’ll get back to your life and that’ll be that, but I’m going to miss you like crazy, Rory Gilmore,” he promised her faithfully.

The next thing Jess knew, her arms were locked around his neck and she was kissing him like it was going out of style. Knowing he only had so many chances left, he kissed her back with equal passion, pulling her as close as he could, putting everything he felt into the moment.

“You really are crazy if you think I won’t miss you,” said Rory, hugging him tight. “I love you, Jess Mariano. I really love you.”

He wanted to say it back. He had before and he meant it, but in that moment with her crying and holding on so tight, he hadn’t got words. Jess never felt like this about anybody in his whole life before, and wondered if he ever would again. Somehow, he doubted it. At seventeen, it ought to be impossible to meet someone and know they were the love of your life, the person you were supposed to be with forever, forsaking all others, and yet he knew. Jess was just so sure that Rory was the one.

“C’mon,” he urged her, noticing their gondola had reached the ground again. “Rory, c’mon,” he said again, when she didn’t budge, encouraging her away from the ride.

They walked around the park a little more, his arm around her back and hers around his waist, her head on his shoulder.

Jess had so much he wanted to say and yet none of it would form into words he was willing to put out there. Nothing could fix this or make it better. Rory was leaving first thing in the morning, that was an absolute, and nothing they said or did here tonight would change it.

“Are you coming to the airport tomorrow?”

The question caught Jess unawares, even though he had been thinking about the answer for a week or more. When Rory stopped walking and turned to face him, he knew he had to tell her the truth.

“I can’t. Ror, it’s... it’d be too hard,” he said, shaking his head.

“So, we say goodbye tonight,” she agreed, looking away.

“No, not goodbye,” he insisted, taking her chin in his hand and making her look at him again. “I’ll see you again. I’m coming to visit, right?”

“Right.” Rory nodded, though she didn’t seem much happier. “Jess? Will it be the same?”

He wished he had an answer to that one, but days of wondering had brought him no closer to knowing. There was a vast difference between a summer romance and a fleeting visit to somebody’s real life. Every movie, book, or TV show he had ever seen that involved this kind of situation usually proved that taking a relationship born in a vacation out into the real world barely worked out well. Transitioning like that wasn’t easy, and besides, that was assuming they could even maintain what they had with a couple of thousand miles between them, both before and after his visit to the east coast, whenever that might be.

“I wish I knew,” he said eventually, feeling like such a jerk when Rory bit her lip.

She was trying to be stronger, but it wasn’t entirely working out. Jess knew how she felt and that only made it worse. Putting his arm around her again, Jess led Rory towards the gates and out of the park. They went down onto the beach and walked along the shoreline in the moonlight, a total cliché but for once Jess didn’t care. He wanted all the stupid romance novel moments, the crappy montage from the ridiculous movie where the characters got their highly unlikely happy ending. Maybe, just maybe, he and Rory could have that, somehow.

“I want to remember everything,” she said softly beside him. “All the details of tonight, all our dates, the first time we met. I want to remember it all, everything,” she repeated.

Her eyes were closed when Jess glanced at her, presumably her attempt to file away all the pictures, all the moments they had shared. Pulling Rory into his arms, Jess watched her open those beautiful blue eyes again and marvelled at them one more time. Those eyes were burned into his soul, her name carved on his heart. He didn’t have to try to remember every detail of her or the time they spent together. There was no way he could ever forget, even if he wanted to.

“Remember this,” he said, leaning in closer and putting his lips to hers.

If there was such a thing as a perfect kiss, then Jess wanted this to be it. He doubted such a thing were possible or existed at all, but he did what he could and then pulled Rory too him, holding her tight, whispering in her ear. “I love you, Rory Gilmore. For all that you are, all that you have been, and all you’re yet to be.”

She was tearful but smiling when they parted, on a Hemingway quote, no less. Then it was time to take her back to the hotel for the final time.

They didn’t need to say goodbye, they knew this was the end of something that neither could explain. Jess didn’t try to kiss her when they parted ways, it would sully the moment on the beach, the one he wanted to hold in his heart and his head forever, the one he wanted Rory to remember always.

When he got home, Jess was only mildly surprised to find Sasha waiting up for him. She was sat on the couch, hugging a pillow, pretending to care about whatever was playing on the TV even though she had the sound so low there was no way she could hear it.

“How’re you doing, kid?” she checked, hitting the button on the remote to turn the TV off altogether.

“Mostly okay.” Jess nodded. “Pretty sure I left something behind somewhere,” he added, one hand at his chest, where his broken heart was living now.

Sasha didn’t say anymore. They both knew she didn’t need to. She just got up, walked over to Jess, and pulled him into the world’s biggest motherly hug. He wasn’t sorry to receive it, or the kiss on his temple when they parted and said goodnight. It had been the best of days and the worst of days, he thought, dropping face-first onto his bed, not sure get whether to be happy or sad that it was over now.


	13. Chapter 13

Nothing worked.

Jess knew it was going to be tough after Rory left and went back home to Connecticut, but he hadn’t expected it to be quite this bad. As sickeningly poetic as it seemed, it was as if a piece of him went with her, all the way to the east coast, and Jess couldn’t function without it. He tried, of course he did, he had no choice, but it just didn’t work.

Time spent at home was mostly in solitude since he was no kind of company for anyone. Working at Dante’s, he was going through the motions like a zombie, but Jess couldn’t seem to help it. Any more than he could stop himself when he snapped at people and closed doors with too much force. All this pent-up frustration was killing him by degrees, and it was almost worse knowing that it wasn’t over.

If Jess knew he was never going to see Rory again, it might actually have been easier, in a way. He would have to get over her, there would be no second choice. As it was, there was undefined talk of visitation, of Jess going to spend time with Luke and meet Liz. Maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas, plans weren’t settled yet, and that was worse than knowing there were no plans at all.

The bad mood Jess found himself in sure didn’t help with the paper he still needed to complete for school. The days crept by, just a couple of weeks of vacation left and still he hadn’t made a start. Actually, that wasn’t quite true. He had started the essay at least twenty times over the span of the break, but never once had he made it to the end.

Turning his pen around and around in his fingers, Jess eventually threw the thing with all the force he possessed, straight out of the window and into the beyond. His eyes closed and his hand went to his forehead, another headache settling in for the day, he was sure. It was tension and stress, Sasha said. He needed to relax, find a way to make peace with his situation. As if it was that easy.

Situations like these, a person was supposed to count their blessings, think how lucky they were compared to others. Jess was well aware that there were a whole mess of people in the world that were having a worse time than he was. The starving, the dying, the sick, the bereaved. People dealing with earthquakes, some held as slaves, others living in war zones. Those much closer to home, living on the breadline, unemployed, in the midst of divorce, taking a beating from someone who was supposed to love them. Jess had such an easy life in comparison to so many others, so he should get over himself already. Unfortunately, it was not so simple.

Getting up from the desk chair, Jess headed for the door and all but tore it open, surprised to find Lilly on the other side looking forlorn.

“I don’t understand,” she said, holding up a book that Jess recognised.

She was back on Little Women again. Over the last few weeks, she had ducked in and out of Alcott’s novel, dependant on what was happening within the pages. Each plot twist that upset her in some way led her to reading something else, something new, something she was more comfortable with, but eventually she returned, determined as she was to complete Little Women before the summer was through.

“What don’t you understand?” asked Jess, trying to keep the tired frustration out of his voice and not really managing it.

Beth had already died, nothing was worse than that, as far as he remembered. Clearly, Lil wasn’t convinced.

“Jo and Laurie love each other, I know they do!” she said desperately. “That means they’re supposed to get the happy ending, but he’s hanging out with Amy so much... she doesn’t deserve him. And Jo is making friends with Bhaer. He’s nice but... but she’s supposed to be with Laurie!”

Jess closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He hadn’t even thought about Rory meeting someone else now they were apart. It was tough enough being without her, even after only a few days. Lilly’s earlier comparison of him and Rory with the characters from Little Women gave him pause for thought, made him consider the very real possibility of Rory moving on now she was home, maybe even returning to her ex.

“Jess, I don’t like it. Please tell me it gets better,” his little sister whined.

Jess shook his head.

“Not everything in life is happily ever after, Lil,” he told her sharply.

“But... but in books...” she said desperately, holding it up to him.

“Damnit, Lilly! If you don’t like the book, don’t read it!” he yelled, picking the novel from her hands and throwing it forcefully down the hall.

He moved past her then, grabbing his jacket on his way to the front door. Sasha and Jimmy heard the commotion from the kitchen and both came out to see what was happening, but Jess moved faster than they could.

Outside the front door, he stopped, knowing what he had done and immediately hating himself. Even from out there he could here Lilly crying as she ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

“Jess!”

Jimmy came barrelling out of the front door after him, presumably surprised to find he hadn’t gone very far down the front path.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he called over his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t turn around, because that would mean facing Jimmy and having some kind of conversation about this whole thing. Jess didn’t have the words right now, or the temper. Though he heard Jimmy call his name behind him at least three times more, he kept on walking, out through the gate, down the street, no stopping.

Jess didn’t know where he was going or what he would do when he got there. It didn’t matter, he just needed to go. The sun was already high in the sky, burning hot on the leather jacket he was an idiot for wearing on a day like today. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t feeling much in any case, at least, not on the outside.

* * *

It was late when Jess got home. He had walked for miles, on the boardwalk, on the beach. Somehow, he felt as if he went far enough, maybe he could walk all these messed up feelings out of himself. It didn’t work. Almost everything reminded him of Rory, and the things that didn’t reminded him of his family, which was almost as bad. When he got back he was going to be in some serious trouble. He owed Lilly a real big apology, he knew that, and no doubt Jimmy and Sasha wouldn’t be too impressed with his behaviour either. Honestly, Jess wasn’t altogether impressed with himself right now, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to get over it.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry, okay?” he said, hands in the air as he came into the house and found the parents sat on the couch together.

“We’re not the people you owe an apology to,” said Sasha with a look. “Lilly was devastated. She’s never seen you like that.”

“We’ve never seen you like that.” Jimmy noted. “Jess, I know things are tough right now-”

“That’s not an excuse. I know, I get it,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m guessing it’s past Lil’s bedtime?”

He looked to his wrist even though he already knew his watch wasn’t there. Before he could turn towards the clock, Sasha spoke.

“She’s in bed, though I’m not sure if she’ll be sleeping.”

Jess closed his eyes and sank down into the arm chair. He knew he screwed up before, but seeing Sasha look so pissed with him was more evidence than he ever needed. She really didn’t get mad much, and when she did, it was usually aimed at Jimmy, not Jess or Lil. She was one of the most understanding people that Jess had ever met and he loved her as if she were his own mother. Seeing that look on her face reminded him that she wasn’t, that Lilly was her priority and he was just being an ass today.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, Jess,” said Jimmy then. “You can’t keep acting this way, you just... you can’t.”

“I know that,” he admitted, letting out a sigh as he looked at them then. “I know.”

The phone rang in the kitchen and Jimmy got up to answer it fast before it woke Lilly. He patted Jess on the shoulder as he passed by him, meant as some kind of comforting gesture, though it didn’t do much good. Nothing did lately.

“I wish I knew what to say to you, Jess,” said Sasha, shaking her head. “I want to help you, you know I do, but I can’t fix what you’re feeling.”

“I’d appreciate it if you could figure out a way,” he said, with a sad smile. “Y’know I really am sorry about Lil. I’ll make it up to her, I swear,” he promised faithfully.

“I know you will,” she said, expression softening as she looked at him. “Oh, Jess. You’re not a bad kid, I know that, but you gotta think before you open that mouth of yours. You’re growing up, becoming this amazing young man, but Lil’s still a kid. She can’t understand what you’re going through. When you treat her that way, she just wonders what she did wrong, why her big brother suddenly hates her.”

“I could never hate her.”

“I know that, but it’s different when you’re ten.”

Jess nodded that he understood. He recalled how he felt about his mother as a child, how it had changed over time. At Lil’s age, he saw Liz as a woman who didn’t love him enough to care for him as a baby, or to come looking for him later. It was as simple and clean-cut as that in his head. As he got older, his opinion changed. He wanted to hate her for what she had done, but he was starting to understand how tough life could feel, how love screwed you up, how outside forces could influence your decisions. Sometimes it was easier to make a clean break. Maybe Liz had decided that Jess was better off without her. Maybe she thought she was better off without him or Jimmy. That she could be stronger and hold herself together more easily with no-one else depending on her.

The frustration and confusion that came so often with all his mixed-up thoughts must have showed on his face, because suddenly Sasha was on the arm on Jess’ chair, her hand to his head.

“You’re going to make yourself sick,” she told him, fixing his hair the way only a mother would, checking he wasn’t physically ill with the back of her hand against his forehead. “I know it’s tough on you, but you gotta find a way through, honey. I know it’s not really your thing, but there’s some meditation exercises I could show you.”

“I’ll pass,” said Jess, smirking because he couldn’t help it. “Thanks anyway,” he said, smiling more genuinely when he looked at her.

“Well, if you can’t breathe through the pain and you don’t want to talk about it, maybe writing it down would help?”

“Are you seriously telling me to journal my feelings?” asked Jess, looking unimpressed.

“Not a journal exactly. Something more freeform, maybe? Words, phrases, random thoughts. Whatever you’re thinking about. All those things that are going around and around in your brain. Get them onto paper.”

“And then what?”

“Then... Well, that’s your choice. Some people find it therapeutic to burn pages, just get rid of the pain. Others like to read it back later, when their mind is clearer, because then they can make sense of everything.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever helps you, Jess. I just want you to be happy.”

“Fat chance,” he muttered, turning away.

Sasha’s arm fell around his shoulders and she pulled him into a sort of sideways hug. It was all she could do to try and help him, Jess knew, and he appreciated he was getting any kind of sympathy right now, especially from her.

“Maybe I’ll give it a try, tomorrow,” he said eventually, glancing towards the clock. “I guess I should get some sleep.”

Jess headed for his room, dumped his jacket on the desk and turned towards his bed. He wasn’t tired. Late as it was, after all the walking around and over-thinking he’d done, he should be exhausted, but he wasn’t.

Looking back to his desk, Jess saw the opening paragraph of another essay he didn’t know how to write staring back at him.

Suddenly and without any further thought given to the idea, Jess tore that page free from the legal pad and threw it aside. A pen in his hand, he sat down at the desk and just started writing. This wasn’t an essay, or a journal, or anything in particular. It was everything in his head that was driving him crazy. Hey, it was worth a shot.


	14. Chapter 14

“Jess?”

He barely heard his name being called but the rapping on his bedroom door brought him round fast. Jess sat up very suddenly, startled by the piece of paper that appeared to have glued itself to his cheek. He pulled it away and replaced it on the desk just as Jimmy stuck his head into the room.

“Hey, buddy. You doing okay?”

Jess shook his head. “If I knew, I’d tell you,” he admitted, trying to stretch out his body and finding it didn’t come easy.

He had fallen asleep at his desk, literally face down in his essay apparently. Jess reconsidered as his eyes fell on the pages and pages of writing before him. This wasn’t his paper for school, it was never supposed to be. He had started writing to clear his head, and kept on going until he had nothing left to give. That must’ve been when sleep overtook him, though quite honestly, Jess couldn’t remember that part. He couldn’t remember much of anything right now.

“What time is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“After nine,” Jimmy told him, retrieving fallen pages from the carpet and staring at them. “After all the drama yesterday, we thought you kids should sleep in some. Sasha’s taken Lilly out, some girl’s day thing to cheer her up. I’ve got Danny and Marie manning the stand, so I thought I’d come talk to you.”

He stopped with the talking as he started to really read the paper in his hands. When Jess realised what his dad was doing, he dragged the pages from his hands, shuffling them into a pile with others from the desk. As much as he loved Jimmy and was willing to share with him, even Jess wasn’t exactly sure what all these pages contained right now, and until he had read them himself, he could use Jimmy not seeing them.

“What is all that?”

“Nothing... Everything,” Jess amended, looking thoughtfully at the sheaf of papers in his hands. “It was Sash’s idea. Write everything down, get it out of my head.”

“Huh.” Jimmy nodded. “That actually makes sense. Did it help?”

“I think I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night,” Jess considered, looking up at his dad. “That’s not nothing.”

“Maybe tonight you could make it to the bed before that happens,” said his father with a wry smile.

“Sounds like a plan,” Jess agreed, filing the wad of papers away in the desk drawer. “Er, you need me to work today?”

“Not necessarily. Unless you want to?”

“Distraction would be good. I’m not saying the writing didn’t help, but still.”

“Okay.” Jimmy nodded. “I’ll look at the roster. Meantime, I’ve got some calls to make, unless you need me to... Er, if there’s stuff you wanna talk about?”

“Not right now, but thanks.” Jess smiled. “I should shower, put on some clean clothes, and then I think I owe Lilly a book.”

“And a major apology.” Jimmy nodded.

“That too.”

Jess got up and tried not to wince when every joint he had protested. Sleeping at his desk was not a plan and he was never doing it again. Still, he did feel better for a decent amount of rest, and for getting all his thoughts and feelings out on the page.

It was strange the way events from his past and present wove into a narrative as he wrote them down. He wrote a lot of stuff about Rory, but then he got into memories from his childhood, dreams about his mother, a lot of messed up feelings that he had never dealt with. He recalled it all again as he showered, letting the water wash away the last of the pent-up tension that had been pulling on him too long. He felt better, genuinely, if not completely. Nothing was going to remove the pain of being parted from Rory, or the stress of not knowing what would happen with the maternal side of his family going forward, but it was better, easier, for now, at least.

* * *

When they got back from their day out together, Jess was glad to see both Lilly and Sasha were smiling. Of course, the look on his little sister’s face took a turn when she laid eyes on him. She was still hurt by what happened and Jess couldn’t blame her for that. He only hoped he could make it up to her now.

“Hey, Lil,” he greeted her, rising from the chair and pulling a paper bag from a hiding spot as he came towards her.

“Hi,” she said stiffly, folding her arms across her chest.

“Hey, remember what I told you,” Sasha whispered to her before moving to walk away, patting Jess on the back as she went.

“Mom said I have to cut you some slack,” said Lilly when he looked back at her. “You miss Rory and you’re feeling weird about your mom and everything.”

“That’s true.” Jess nodded. “But that’s no excuse for the way I treated you, Lil. I’m sorry. I really am. You know I love you, sis.”

She was trying to be mad at him, but it wasn’t really working. A smile was breaking through before he ever got as far as the fact he loved her. Rushing forward, she threw her arms out to hug him and Jess crouched down to her level to hug her right back.

“I love you too,” she promised. “And I’m sorry you’re so sad about so many things right now.”

“I’m not,” Jess told her as they parted. “Well, I am, but I’ll deal. Here, I got you something,” he said then, handing her the paper bag.

Lilly’s eyes lit up as she pulled out her prize - a book, obviously. Unfortunately, the smile didn’t last long when she saw the title.

“I thought I should replace your copy after what I did,” Jess told her. “But you’re not impressed.”

“I am, and thank you,” she said politely. “I just... It’s not going right. I can’t understand why Jo and Laurie can’t just be together.”

Jess sighed, pulling himself back up into the chair and pulling Lilly with him. She squeezed in beside him, the offending book in her hands still.

“Lil, life doesn’t always work out the way you plan. Sometimes, even when people love each other, they can’t be together. It just doesn’t work out.”

“That’s sad.”

“Maybe,” Jess considered. “But hey, look at it this way, if your parents had stayed together and mine had too, we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be my kid sister, and that’d really suck,” he said solemnly for all of two seconds, before a smile broke through.

“That would suck,” she agreed, grinning wide. “Maybe sometimes it’s better if people end up with the second person they fall in love with, like Mom and Jimmy.”

“Maybe,” Jess agreed, though his mind was already wandering back to Rory.

She was the first person he ever felt this way about, but she had admitted he was her second boyfriend, the first relationship having never worked out. Whether the two of them were meant to be, Jess couldn’t say, though if they weren’t, he had no idea how he was going to get over Rory. Right now, it felt completely impossible.

* * *

As days went, this one had been pretty good, Jess considered. He’d slept plenty last night, made things up with Lilly by lunch time, and then busied himself with work all afternoon. A few times, he caught himself smiling for real, and it felt good. Maybe there was a way to live with the pain of a heartbreak, even if you could never entirely get over it.

Returning home that evening, Jess passed by Jimmy in the kitchen and was told dinner would be a half hour. He raised his hand in acknowledged and kept on walking. Showering the grease off quickly, Jess got to his room with barely ten minutes to spare before they ate, and pulled the pages he had filled last night from the desk drawer. Dropping down onto the edge of his bed, he started skimming the text.

On and off all day, Jess had been thinking about everything he wrote down here, musing on the idea of using at least a part of it for his paper for English. Now that he started looking over it again, he realised he had something here more akin to a novel than anything else.

Jess frowned. As if he could write a book. He loved to read them, but writing one was a whole other ballgame. Still, the evidence was laid out here in his lap, pages and pages of a story that covered various parts of his life. Switch out the names, alter a few details here and there, and it could be a fairly interesting tale, he supposed.

“Jess?” Sasha called to him then.

“Be right there!” he yelled back, stuffing the pages back into his desk for now.

Running his hands back through his hair, Jess headed out for dinner. It was no particularly special meal, just the usual pasta dish that he always enjoyed, nothing fancy. Something was different though. Jimmy and Sasha were a little too quiet and even Lilly looked kind of shifty, if such a thing were possible of an innocent ten-year-old girl. Jess was about to ask what was going on when it seemed Sasha decided Jimmy should tell him, elbowing her husband in the ribs and giving him a pointed look.

“Okay,” he said, laying his fork down on the edge of the plate and swallowing hard. “Um, Jess? We, er... Well, Sash and me, we had kind of a crazy idea. I don’t know if you’re going to go for it, and you absolutely do not have to if you don’t want to, but, the thing is, we were wondering... how you’d feel about changing schools for Senior Year.”

Jess frowned. “Why?”

“We thought maybe a different environment would be good for you. Different people, different atmosphere,” said Sasha with a smile that was hiding something, Jess was sure of it. “Anyway, I was down at the library and I printed off some information, in case you were interested...”

Reaching over to the shelves in the corner, she retrieved some pages and laid them next to Jess’ plate with a flourish. His eyes skimmed the paper and then they went very wide.

“Stars Hollow High? Stars Hollow in Connecticut?” he checked, looking up at first Jimmy then Sasha and back again.

“That’s no misprint,” his father told him, smiling now. “You do not have to go, Jess. This is not us trying to get rid of you thing, no way. But I know what Rory means to you, and how you’ve got this need to spend time with Luke and Liz and all. So, we were thinking you could maybe finish out your schooling on the east coast, if you wanted to.”

Jess had no idea how he was supposed to react to this. He wasn’t sure how he wanted to react. The idea of going to school in a new place, living all the way across the country with family he barely knew, it was a little scary. On the other hand, he would be with Rory, every day. He could get to know Luke, he could meet his mother. It wasn’t as if he would be leaving a whole bunch of friends here. There were few people he was close to, except for the three sat here around the table.

“I don’t... I have no idea what to say.”

“We know it’s a big decision, honey,” said Sasha, her hand covering his on the table. “And you don’t have to know what you want to do right now. Although, we are on limited time to get your transcripts in order before school starts.”

“Deadline is pretty much forty-eight hours from now,” Jimmy explained. “Which I know is not much notice, but there’s really nothing we can do about that.”

“I get it.” Jess nodded. “I’m just... processing,” he said, staring at the paperwork about Stars Hollow High without really seeing it.

“We talked to Luke,” Sasha explained. “He has an apartment over the diner that he’s happy for you to stay in. He used to live there, but obviously he moved in with Lorelai and Rory a while back. It’d be awkward for you to live at the house with them in the circumstances, but you can eat there and everything, and just use the diner apartment to sleep in.”

“And Liz doesn’t know anything about this yet,” said Jimmy then, picking up where Sasha had left off. “We didn’t think it was fair to get her hopes up or to have her start making decisions that ought to be yours. This is all on you, man. Totally your choice.”

“Thanks,” Jess muttered, though he was barely hearing any more than he was seeing.

His mind was whirring with possibilities and consequences both. He could do this. He could spend Senior Year in Connecticut with Rory, with Luke and Liz. He’d get to see where he was born, where he might have been raised in different circumstances. Stars Hollow. New York. All kinds of places.

And Rory would be there.

“I’ll miss you,” said Lilly then, her little voice cutting through everything. “But I just want you to be happy.”

There were tears in her eyes as Jess looked at her and it broke his heart. At the same time, he knew he couldn’t base this whole decision on her, or on Jimmy or Sasha, not even on Rory. Jess had to make this call, based on all the facts, based on what he was feeling and what he really wanted to do. If only he could absolutely sure what that was, he would be just fine.


	15. Chapter 15

The decision really didn’t take as long as Jess thought it would. As much of a wrench as he knew it would be to leave his family and travel all the way across the country for potentially several months, he knew he had to do it. It was adventure, it was the east coast. It was getting to know a whole other side of his family, and it was Rory.

Quite honestly, there wasn’t much time to spare in getting things organised. Transcripts were sent to Stars Hollow High, arrangements were made with Luke and Lorelai, and before he hardly had time to process, Jess was packing up a bunch of his stuff to take to Connecticut. Twenty-four hours from now, he would be on a plane, and that would be it for seeing Jimmy, Sasha, and Lilly until at least Thanksgiving, probably more like Christmas.

“You can’t bring me back and forth all the time. It’ll cost a fortune,” Jess insisted.

“Hey, you let me worry about that,” said Jimmy, no more authoritative than he ever had been before, though that was what he was trying for, Jess was certain.

For all that had been said when Luke was here, as much as Jimmy was more of a friend than a father much of the time, Jess had to admit he loved his dad. The guy had been pretty good to him the past seventeen years. If he had the words to tell him, he would. Maybe Jess did have those words, he just wasn’t sure saying them would be a good idea. Instead, he wrote them down, a letter addressed to Jimmy and Sasha both which he planned to leave on the kitchen table before they all headed to the airport tomorrow. It was easier than trying to explain out loud, and he knew they would understand that.

Jess had fast learnt he was better at getting things down in the written word than speaking to people. The verbal thing, it tended to come and go, depending on who he was talking to or how serious he needed to be. It was half the reason he had written that message in the book he gifted to Rory on her last day in Venice. Not long after she got home, she called him, crying happy tears, so she said, after reading that note.

“I already miss you,” she told him desperately.

“I miss you too,” he promised her, not knowing what else to say.

At that time, he hadn’t known how soon he would see her again, if at all. Now, he was headed towards her and staying there for months on end. That was Jess’ favourite part of this whole thing, though he had to admit, he didn’t so much mind the other factors either.

“You all set for tonight?” asked Sasha, poking her head around the door.

“Pretty much,” Jess agreed, looking at the suitcase and bags piled up.

“Y’know, we’re going to miss you around here?”

When he looked at Sasha, Jess was sure he could see tears in her eyes. She wasn’t the type to get over-emotional for no reason, to cry at the drop of a hat, but he supposed this was kind of a big deal actually. They had lived all together for six years now. It was going to be so strange not even seeing the folks he called family every day.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said bravely, shrugging his shoulders. “Just don’t let Lil decide she wants the bigger room while I’m gone, okay?”

He was kidding and they both knew it. Lilly wouldn’t take her big brother’s room. She was more likely to try to hide in his suitcase and go to Connecticut with him. She got upset a few times over the last week, contemplating life without Jess in it all of the time. Unlike Sash, she barely recalled life before him and Jimmy, so it was probably tougher on her in that way.

“Thank God for modern technology,” said Sasha then, looking at Jess’ cell on the desk. “I know calls will cost too much, but you can send text messages and emails. Keep us up to date.”

“I will. You know I will,” Jess promised.

This was tough, much tougher than even he had expected, but he had to do it. Plans were made, everything was in motion, and Jess was sure that once he got to where he was headed, he would be just fine. It was only the wrench of leaving everyone behind that came so hard.

“I should go grab, Lil. I promised to take her to the book store today. Last chance for a while.”

Sasha nodded that she understood and smiled because she was grateful he was being so kind to her daughter. They were as much brother and sister as any two people could be, despite the fact they shared no blood bond. Conversely, Jess was off to meet the woman who gave birth to him and had no idea what to expect, no concept of whether they would get along or look alike or anything.

“Hey, Sash?” he said as they moved down the hallway together. “Y’know, just because Liz is my mother... it’s all a technicality,” he told her, the look on his face saying much more than his words ever could.

“Thanks, kid,” said Sasha, her hand on his shoulder, before she hurried away.

That time he actually had made her cry, and Jess was sorry for that. Still, he had to say what he said. She had to know what she meant to him, because Sash was the best mom he ever could’ve asked for. That didn’t mean he was going into this determined to hate Liz. He didn’t love her, because he didn’t know her, and what he knew of her wasn’t exactly stellar. Still, whether he liked her or not, Liz could never replace what Sasha was to Jess. Nobody could. Any more than Luke could replace Jimmy, or any other kid in the world could replace Lil. Jess winced a little when he realised to make the metaphor play out right he would have to put Rory in Lilly’s role as his sister. That was unpleasant to say the least, but he was just going to have to get over it. Once again, he reminded himself that for all that his uncle played the part of Rory’s dad, he wasn’t biologically related - Thank God!

“Hey, munchkin!” he called, knocking on Lilly’s bedroom door. “I thought we were headed to the book store.”

She was by his side in three seconds flat, hugging him for maybe the fiftieth time in the past few days. Jess hugged her back without complaint, despite the fact he was usually kind of limited when it came to affection like that. He understood that Lil was determined to get in as many chances to show him how much she loved him as she could before it was too late. Jess couldn’t hate that at all. In fact, he kind of loved it, just like he loved his little sister.

* * *

“So, this is it,” said Jimmy, leaning on the porch rail with Jess beside him.

Sasha was getting one very sleepy Lilly into the car, which was already packed solid with Jess’ luggage, and they were about to begin the journey to LAX. The whole family was going, it was too cruel to leave anyone behind, but Jimmy needed a minute, just his son and him, before they headed out.

“Yup, this is it.” Jess nodded. “Feels pretty weird. All the planes trips, boat rides, train journeys, hours and hours trapped in cars on the freeway... it was always you and me.”

He looked sideways at Jimmy and watched his father smile through the pain.

“Yeah, it always was,” he agreed with a sigh. “And now you’re headed back to where it all started, more or less anyway.”

“Jimmy-”

“Look, Jess, I want you to know that I’m happy you’re doing this.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, I am. As much as I know I did the right thing leaving the way I did and taking you with me, you do need to know your mom, and your uncle, and the place you come from. It’ll be good for you, and hey, I gotta get used to you being gone anyway, right? College is calling a year from now and then you’ll be grown and... We can’t be joined at the hip forever, man, y’know?”

He was putting a brave face on it, but Jess knew it was breaking his heart to have him leave like this. Jess understood so well, because it was the same for him. Three or four solid months away from a guy that had been all he had since he was a baby, at least until Sash and Lil came along. Even so, this would be the first time he had been away from his dad for more than a couple of days, and it hurt, more than even Jess had expected.

“I appreciate this, y’know?” he said, clearing his throat to hide the fact his voice was cracking with emotion. “The money you’re laying out and the trust you’re putting in me... everything.”

“Hey, you earned it, Jess,” Jimmy promised him. “You’re a good kid and you’re growing up into the kind of man I always hoped I’d be.”

“Hey, you are,” his son insisted. “You’re the best dad, Jimmy, and... and I- I love you, man.”

“I love you too, Jess.”

Pulling his son into a hug, Jimmy held on tight a moment, making sure he wasn’t going to blub like a baby before he let him go.

They piled into the car then, the embarrassing part over whilst they were still at the house, so they could at least pretend to be men at the airport.

Jess got a text from Rory half way to LAX, counting down the hours until she would see him again. It made him smile and caused an ache in his heart at the same time. He was going towards someone he loved, but at the same time, leaving others behind. Jess wasn’t sure he had ever had this many mixed emotions in his whole life before.

At LAX, he hugged Sasha, making her promise to take care of Jimmy for him, which of course he knew she would. Then Lilly clamped onto him and cried into his shirt, telling him she loved him and would be counting the days until he came home. Jess was on the verge of tears himself by the time she was done, it was impossible not to be.

Getting onto the plane at last, Jess stared out of the window and took one last look at LA. A few hours from now and he would be landing in Hartford, CT, meeting up with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory, who would whisk him off to Stars Hollow, the place one half of his family hailed from, but that he had never seen in his life.

“Hold it together, Mariano,” he told himself when he noticed his own hand shaking when he reached to fasten his safety belt. 

“You a nervous flyer, son?” asked the older guy beside him.

“Not really,” he said, shaking gas head and facing the window again. “It’s the destination that bothers me.”

Not that he was scared to go there, or worried about seeing the people who would meet him at the airport. Meeting Liz, that did give Jess pause for thought. He really wasn’t sure how she would react to seeing him, and moreover, how he would like meeting her. It seemed he was about to find out. Not long now.


	16. Chapter 16

Jess slept a while on the plane but by the time it landed at the airport in Hartford, he was very much awake, sat bolt upright, his hands starting to shake again. This was crazy. He was headed towards Rory, that was incredible, and Luke and Lorelai were decent people. Liz wasn’t in Stars Hollow, not right now. That would’ve been too much to face all at once. There was really nothing at all to be afraid of, so Jess wasn’t sure why he felt so damn nervous. He only hoped it would pass soon, before he made a complete fool of himself.

Concentrating on the task at hand, he went through the process of getting off the plane, getting his luggage, and finding his way to wherever familiar faces would be waiting for him, wondering when this would start to feel normal, like maybe it was a good idea. A part of Jess was really wishing he had stayed in Venice. Jimmy, Sasha, and Lilly suddenly seemed like a million miles away rather than just a couple of thousand, and the world was noticeably colder. Maybe that was less the absence of the family he knew and more the actual shift in climate, but right now, Jess would believe either thing to be true.

Walking out through the gate, he might have known everything would change the moment he saw her.

“Jess!” she yelled, running towards him.

“Rory,” he said with a smile.

He let go of the luggage trolley in a second and opened his arms to receive her with the world biggest hug. When she moved to kiss him, he didn’t stop her, the two of them lost in a beautiful moment right there in the middle of the airport. Jess didn’t even hear the wolf whistles and such for the first couple of minutes, and when he did tune into the sound, he couldn’t care much.

“Wow. I didn’t know the human body could go so long without air.”

Jess moved away from Rory like lightning when he heard her mother speak, looking just a little sheepish. Rory blushed terribly, trying to hide her face in his shoulder. One thing was for sure, she didn’t seem willing to let up her death-grip on him, and Jess didn’t mind that one little bit.

“Ms Gilmore,” he said, nodding his head, “or Mrs Danes?” he tried, looking from her to Luke.

“That twitch you’re seeing is because you’re making her feel like some kind of senior citizen with the whole ‘Mrs’ thing,” said Luke with a knowing smile. “She has the same reaction to ‘ma’am’, so I’d stick to Lorelai if I were you.”

“Duly noted,” Jess agreed.

“Hello, nephew,” said Luke then. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to be here, I think,” said Jess warily. “I don’t think I factored in the weather. We don’t really have seasons in California,” he said, shivering slightly even though they were still indoors and Rory’s arms were wrapped tightly around him.

“You’ll get used to it,” Luke promised, slapping him on the back. “And if you need anything, we’re all here for you.”

Jess nodded that he understood but said nothing more as Luke retrieved his luggage and Lorelai and Rory both started talking a mile a minute about plans made and those still to be confirmed. Jess wasn’t exactly taking in everything being said, it was just too much. He was due to start school on Monday, which only gave him the weekend to get settled in. Apparently, he would have the whole diner apartment to himself but was welcome to hang out in the diner itself, at the house that was affectionately known as the Crap Shack, or even at the inn where Lorelai worked if he wanted to.

“Rory comes by sometimes, does those annoying odd jobs that nobody else wants and makes a few bucks,” Lorelai explained. “You’re welcome to come with.”

“Yeah, and I know it’s not the name as your dad’s hotdog place, but if you want a couple of shifts at the diner, I can always use the extra pair of hands. I don’t want you going short of cash just because you’re here.”

“Thanks,” said Jess, absently nodding his head.

They were getting in the truck by now and he was watching as a sad-faced Rory left his side for a while to get into the Jeep with Lorelai and head home. They would be all of a few feet away from each other for no more than an hour he was sure, and yet Jess well understood what she was feeling. It seemed there wasn’t room for everybody all in one vehicle so they had to part for now.

“I’ll see you in Stars Hollow!” she called, waving her hand as she climbed into her mother’s car.

“Stars Hollow,” said Jess quietly. “Still sounds like something out of a fairy tale or something.”

“It’s a wacky little place, that’s for sure,” Luke agreed, getting into the truck and encouraging his nephew to do the same. “But it’s home, at least for me. I don’t know any better, I guess, but I think you’ll like it. There’s a whole bunch of people who are gonna be excited to meet you.”

“Why?”

“Mostly just because you’re a new face, but when they find out that technically you’re an old face too? Man, the gossip mill will go into over-drive on that one.”

“Great,” said Jess, not sure what he was really supposed to feel about that.

He and Luke didn’t talk all that much on the way into town. His uncle asked how the flight was and everything, but after that things got strained and awkward again. They could talk, they had proven that in California, but it was different now. Jess had a lot to think about and a big adjustment to make in his life. He had literally left behind everything he knew to come here. Leaving places wasn’t so weird for Jess, he’d been doing that all his life, but leaving people, leaving Jimmy, most especially, that was very, very weird.

Driving on into Stars Hollow, Jess’ eyes went wide as he took in his surroundings. Pumpkins seemed to be in every conceivable place, the golden leaves of Fall in New England hung down from row on row of trees and had already started to carpet the ground too. Kids in matching outfits ran around a gazebo that sat proudly in the middle of the town square, and couples watched hand-in-hand like something out of an Andy Hardy movie. It was like a postcard or a movie or something. A TV special that Jess would never bring himself to watch, and yet this was his home now, for he larger part of a year.

“Huh,” he said, taking in the sights.

“Looks a lot different to what you’re used to, I know,” said Luke with a smile. “Like I said, it’s a wacky little place here, but they’re mostly good people, friendly, helpful. They mean well, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.”

“Sure.” Jess nodded absently. “Uh, I’m sure it’s great, and thanks. Y’know for letting me come here, stay here, whatever,” he said then, suddenly realising he maybe should have said it way back at the airport.

“You’re very welcome, Jess,” Luke assured him, pulling the truck up to the kerb outside what had to be the famous Luke’s Diner. “So, this is it.”

“Looks cool.”

“Thanks.”

They got out of the truck and started to unload. It took more than a few trips to get all of Jess’ stuff into the diner and then upstairs to the apartment. Thankfully, Luke told him he could stay put after his first run and that he’d bring the rest, since parading Jess back and forth through the diner seemed like bad idea.

“I’m guessing you don’t want the third degree on your first day, not on top of the jet lag and everything.”

“Thanks,” said Jess. “Again.”

They shared a smile and then Luke went down to fetch the rest of his nephew’s luggage. Left alone, Jess surveyed the apartment. Not that it really looked much like a living space. He recalled being told it had once been an office, his grandfather’s office, truth be known. It was weird to think that he’d ever had a guy he might call Grandpa, that he had worked here, walked on this floor, sat at a desk somewhere in this very room. A shiver ran through Jess, and if he didn’t know any better, he would swear a ghost just brushed by him.

“That’s crazy,” he muttered to himself.

“What’s crazy?” asked Luke, coming back into the apartment, laden down with bags.

“Nothing,” Jess insisted. “I was just... This is a great place.”

“It’s not so bad.” Luke shrugged. “I lived here for years before Lorelai and I got married, then it just made sense for me to move in over at the house. Y’know, we would have you stay there with us, it’s just... Look, it’s not that we don’t trust you, we do, but Rory is... and you’re... Teenagers can get...”

“Luke, it’s cool,” Jess assured him. “I get it. Rory and me sleeping in the same house would freak out Lorelai, and probably you too. I’m not offended or anything, and like I said, this is a great place.”

Luke smiled at that and patted Jess on the shoulder.

“You’re a good kid.”

He turned and went back downstairs for the rest of the luggage before Jess had a chance to react to that. A good kid. Yeah, he supposed that was exactly what he was right now. At home, he mostly got treated like an adult, unless he gave his folks any particular reason to remember he was technically still a child. He doubted it would be much different here, except for maybe when he met Liz.

That was the part of this whole adventure that Jess still wasn’t sure how to feel about. He was going to meet his mother in the next couple of days, the woman who gave birth to him. That was weird to say the least. In some ways, he was thrilled. In others, he almost couldn’t stand the idea of coming face-to-face with her.

“Hey, again.”

Jess turned at the sound of her voice and smile when he saw Rory framed in the doorway.

“I saw Luke unloading and volunteered to help,” she said, hefting a large bag into the centre of the room and dropping it down at Jess’ feet. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Believe it, because it’s true,” he told her, smiling still.

This felt weird and they both knew it. In Venice, when she was on vacation and he was basically her summer romance, they knew how to act, it all just felt so natural. Now they were here in her real-life situation, her hometown and everything, with his uncle and her mom who were married. It was strange, a little unsettling, and yet Jess knew his feelings for Rory hadn’t changed one iota.

“C’mere,” he said, his hands going to her face, urging her forward into a sweet kiss.

“I missed you,” she whispered against his lips. “I didn’t realise how much I would until it was too late.”

“I missed you too,” he promised, arms wrapped around her now and keeping her close. “If everything else goes to hell, at least I’m here with you. That’s the best part about this whole thing.”

“Won’t the best part be getting to know your mom and Luke?”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked, eyes widening slightly. “I mean, Luke seems like a nice guy, and yeah, I guess I do want to meet Liz and everything, but you... You’re the biggest reason why I’m here, Rory,” he told her what he thought she had already known. “I told you before, I love you. I never felt like this about anybody.”

“Me either,” she admitted, visibly swallowing hard. “Jess, I thought maybe when I got back here things would be different, that everything in California was just so special because it was a vacation and the summer and... I don’t know, I thought I was fooling myself in what I felt for you, but I wasn’t. I love you too, I don’t think I’ll ever stop,” she promised.

They were kissing again in a heartbeat, only parting when Luke appeared in the doorway, clearing his throat very loudly.

“Lorelai is down in the diner, hoping you’ll both join her,” he explained. “I told her that maybe Jess didn’t want to be centre of attention, but she said I had to ask you rather than make that assumption. Apparently, if you’re old enough to come all the way across the country on your own, you can decide if you want to eat in the diner without any help from me,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Jess suspected he was quoting almost directly from Lorelai herself and it made him smile. Seemed to him that his uncle was just a little bit under his wife’s thumb. Of course, though it may not be cool to admit it, Jess wasn’t so sure he’d be any different where Rory was concerned, if that was how she wanted him to be.

“I could eat,” he said, nodding his head, “and I guess I gotta face the masses before long. May as well get it over with.”

“You’re going to love Stars Hollow, Jess. I swear you will,” Rory promised him, curled into his side still as they headed for the stairs.

Looking at her, Jess was pretty sure he loved it already, no matter how everything else panned out.


	17. Chapter 17

When Jess woke up, he had almost forgotten where he was and why. His brain caught up to the rest of him pretty fast, reminding him why he was cold, why the bed felt different, and why he could hear the general commotion of a busy eatery downstairs. He was in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, specifically, in the apartment above his uncle’s diner, and today was the day he met his mother for the very first time.

There was a numb sort of a feeling in Jess’ chest as he thought about the impending moment when he came face to face with Liz Danes. Over the past eighteen years, he had thought about her a lot. Sometimes, he resented her for not trying harder when she was pregnant and when he was born. Other times, he didn’t care about any of that, he just wanted a mom.

Since he and Jimmy moved to Venice and made a family with Sasha and Lilly, Jess certainly wasn’t lacking in the motherly affection department. He meant what he said before he left and again last night on the phone when he called home to let the folks know he had arrived safe and everything. Liz might be his mother, but she couldn’t be his mom. Sash had that role, whether she wanted it or not, and from the way she reacted, Jess had a feeling she liked it just fine.

Taking a deep breath, Jess threw off the covers and got himself up, showered and dressed. He was supposed to meet Rory downstairs for breakfast and then she was taking him on a tour of the town. Liz was supposed to get in from New York in time for lunch and Lorelai had suggested her house as a good place for the meeting. It was private and mostly neutral. Jess had agreed only because he had no real opinion or feeling about any of this, at least, none he felt he could adequately express.

“One thing at a time,” he said to himself, fixing his hair in the mirror.

The morning should be fun even if the afternoon came hard. Rory wanted to show him the school he’d be attending, the antique store that her best friend’s parents owned, Weston’s Bakery, the inn where Lorelai worked, and perhaps, most importantly to both her and Jess, the book store. She was so damn excited to show off her town to him, and Jess couldn’t mind at all that. After all, he had given her the grand tour of the boardwalk back home, shown her Pacific Park and everything. Now it was his turn to play tourist, except he wasn’t going home so soon.

“Is it weird?” she asked him over a breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs, and a gallon of coffee that she drank most of herself. “Being here, I mean. Knowing you’re staying so long?”

“Little bit,” Jess agreed, nodding his head. “I guess, in an ideal world, I’d have my family here too. Does that sound pathetic to you?”

“That you miss your family already? Of course not,” Rory promised, her hand covering his own on the table top. “I cannot imagine being away from my mom the way you’re away from your dad right now. You’re way braver than me.”

“Yeah, brave,” said Jess, contemplating a forkful of eggs a little too seriously.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just... This whole meeting Liz thing, it feels weird. She’s my mom, but it’s all a technicality. I barely know what she looks like. Hell, until a few days ago, she didn’t even know my name.”

“That is a little weird, I guess.”

“And now I’m going to meet her. I have absolutely no idea what I wanna say. I’m not even sure if I’m mad at her or happy that I get to see her. Pretty crazy, huh?” he said, dumping his fork down on the plate with a clang.

“It’s not crazy,” Rory assured him, moving her chair a little closer. “Y’know I hardly ever see my dad, and up until a couple of years ago, I really only saw my grandparents on holidays and special occasions. Facing them was weird enough to begin with, and I at least knew them a little. I can’t imagine what a big deal this is for you, and it’s okay if you feel weird about it, or even a little scared.”

Jess opened his mouth to deny such a charge immediately, by the words died on his lips as he met Rory’s eyes. That already familiar blue-eyed gaze made him forget to be worried or mad or anything negative at all. She loved him and she understood him, in ways he couldn’t possibly explain. How they had come to mean so much to each other so fast, Jess wasn’t sure he would ever fully comprehend. He only knew she meant the world to him, and he was very glad she was here right now, holding onto his hand and telling him everything would be okay.

“You don’t know how much I wanna ask you to be there today, when I meet Liz,” he told her softly. “I know that’s dumb, that I have to do it alone. I told Luke that I did when he offered to hang around, because I know that’s how it has to be, but...”

“I’ll be there in spirit,” Rory promised when words failed him, “and the second you need me, you can call. I’ll be there.”

Jess nodded, leaning in to kiss her lips.

“So, now do I get this grand tour of your kooky hometown?” he asked, finding her a smile that was surprisingly genuine at this point.

“Buckle up, Mariano,” she said, grinning wide. “You’re in for a bumpy ride.”

* * *

The morning in Stars Hollow was great. Jess was in awe as Rory waxed lyrical about all the wonderful places and friendly people in the town she called home. They spent their time walking around, mostly hand-in-hand, her telling him funny stories and introducing him around to all the townies, him trying to keep up as everyone talked a mile a minute at him and yet made him welcome, nonetheless.

They ended on a high, picking up some food and going for a picnic on the bridge over the lake. Rory said it was one of her favourite places, a good quiet spot to go when she wanted to read or just think without distractions. Jess had a feeling it might turn out to be a place he enjoyed too. The hustle and bustle of the town didn’t bother him much. He was well used to the boardwalk back home which was so different and the same in an odd way, full of a great mix of people and voices and not short of strangeness either. Still, when Jess wanted to be alone, take a breath, find his centre, as Sasha would say, he had a feeling this bridge might be just perfect. It certainly seemed the ideal spot when he was sat opposite Rory, eating good food, and arguing Hemingway versus Rand one more time.

Eventually, they had to head back, and Jess knew the moment had arrived. Luke drove him down to Lorelai’s house and dropped him off in the driveway, letting him know the door would already be unlocked.

“Let yourself in. Your m- Liz is already in there,” he explained.

Jess silently nodded, took a deep breath, and hopped out of the truck. The short driveway felt a mile long and no distance at all as he headed for the porch and then reached out a hand to the door knob.

“C’mon, Mariano, don’t flake now,” he said softly, steadying himself and pushing on through the panic that rose in his chest.

The house was bigger than he expected somehow, and the same sort of cluttered and well-loved as his own home. That helped a bit, though Jess couldn’t really have said how. He forgot to even think about it as he moved forward into the living room and found a figure sitting on the couch.

“Hey,” he said, uncertainly.

When she turned and looked at him, Jess couldn’t breathe. This was his mother. She looked a little like her picture and yet different. She’d had her hair cut into a different style since that photo was taken, he guessed, but it was still her, obviously. She looked a little like Luke, and perhaps older than he expected in some ways. He supposed the drugs and booze from back in the day had taken their toll.

Shaking his head, Jess realised he must’ve thought all of that in the single second it had taken Liz to jump up from the couch and launch herself at him. With her arms clamped around his body and her tears soaking into his shoulder, Jess didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He figured it was more instinct than anything else that made him hug her back. This was Liz. This was his biological mother. This was Mom.

“Oh, my baby,” she was saying, words muffled by the way she was hugging him so very tight. “My baby boy, I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it!”

Jess didn’t have words. He wanted to. He wanted to say it was great to meet her, or maybe he wanted to yell at her that it was all her own fault that she hadn’t known him before, for not being a better person when he was born. Jess had a hundred thoughts in his head and a thousand words on his tongue, but nothing was coming out, nothing at all.

“Let me look at you,” said Liz then, pulling back and taking Jess’ face in her hands. “My beautiful boy. Well, not such a boy anymore. All grown up and just as handsome as your father. I could say a lot about Jimmy, but he was always, always handsome.”

“I don’t really have an opinion on that,” said Jess, wondering at the shake in his own voice.

It was only when Liz looked sad and wiped her thumb across his cheek that Jess even realised he was crying. That wasn’t part of the plan, or at least whatever small semblance of a plan he had when he walked in here. Eighteen years in the making and he still hadn’t had much clue what he wanted to say or do where his mother was concerned. Stood before her now, and nothing had changed. He was as clueless as ever, truth be told. As mixed up as you might expect a kid to be in these circumstances, no matter how young or old.

“So, he named you Jess,” said Liz then, nodding her head. “Figures. His dad meant a lot to him.”

“My dad means a lot to me,” he replied like a reflex, not sure if he meant to hurt her or just give information. “I’ve got no complaints about Jimmy.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’ve been happy, the two of you.”

“It’s been four of us for a while now,” Jess explained, suddenly unsure how much Luke had passed on.

“I heard.” Liz nodded, looking neither hurt nor joyful as far as Jess could tell. “Hey, come on. Let’s sit down. I wanna hear all about you.”

She turned and sat herself down on the couch again, patting the next seat over for him to join her. Jess didn’t move. He understood what she was saying, what she wanted him to do, and a part of him was willing. The other part was highly resistant, and he knew very well why.

“What exactly do you wanna hear?” he asked, rubbing the back off his hand over his face to ensure he didn’t look like a blubbing baby anymore. “I mean, if I tell you everything you missed, we’re gonna be here a really long time.”

There was a hardness in his voice and probably in his eyes too, Jess figured, when he saw very obvious pain flash across Liz’s face. He didn’t care. He couldn’t. All the anger and resentment was suddenly bubbling up in him and he hadn’t a way to stop it. He didn’t want to.

“Jess, honey...”

“No. Not honey or sweetie or your baby boy, because that makes it sound like you actually know me and give a damn about me. You don’t!” he said angrily. “For eighteen years, I lived without you in my life. Eighteen, Liz.”

“Your father took you-”

“Jimmy did what he had to do!” he cut in the moment she tried to fight back. “I know what you were like back then, and not just from him. Luke confirmed everything. Are you gonna call your own brother a liar too?”

“I never said anybody lied, Jess,” Liz assured him, eyes downward in what he assumed to be shame. “The truth is, I was a mess back then. I was young, I got pregnant, and I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility. I didn’t know how to be a mother. I barely had one of my own, and... and I was just so young.”

“You think you’re the only young mother in the world?” asked Jess crossly. “You had a husband and a brother and a father. God, that’s way more support than most people have. Talk to Sasha. Talk to Lorelai. Do not give me that weepy, poor me crap. I don’t wanna hear it. You think it was easy for Jimmy, raising me alone?”

“He had a choice.”

“No, he didn’t,” Jess countered immediately. “He took me away from you because he was more afraid of what you were capable of than what he wasn’t capable of. You were drinking and smoking God knows what while you were carrying me! What kind of mother does that?!”

“The crappy kind, okay?!” Liz yelled right back at him then, getting to her feet and meeting his fiery gaze with one of her own. “You want the truth, kid, well, that’s it. I was a crappy mother, and that was what had me so scared. When I had a drink, I felt a little braver. When I had a smoke, I felt a little more relaxed. Does that justify it all? No, it doesn’t. Am I proud of myself and my behaviour back then? No, I’m not, but what do you want me to do, Jess? I can’t go back and change the past. I can’t!”

Jess knew that at least was true. Nobody could travel back in time and fix mistakes they made. The only way to move was forward, to apologise and try to learn from your past discretions. The problem was, there was really nothing to make up for the years gone by, the great cavernous space in Jess’ life that should’ve been filled by his mother. Sasha had been great these past few years, but before that, when Jess was young, he had wanted his mommy, he really had.

“You didn’t even look for me,” he said sadly then, all the fight going out of him in a rush and leaving behind nothing but tears and pain. “I get that you messed up when I was a baby, but after... If you didn’t know my name, you knew Jimmy’s. You could’ve looked for me.”

Liz nodded her head, sending fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Sure, I could’ve looked,” she admitted, sniffling throughout. “I thought about it, so many times. I thought, ‘Hey, I’ve fixed myself up now, I’m doing better. Maybe I should find my kid, see how he’s doing,’ but I couldn’t do it,” she said, taking hold of Jess’ face and making him look at her when he tried to turn away. “It’s not because of me, it’s because of you. I wanted you to have this great life, Jess. I really, really did. I figured you and Jimmy, you’d be doing okay without me. If I came barging into whatever set-up you had, that was just going to screw everything up again. It was probably better to stay away, let you be. Hey, turns out I was right. He raised you just fine without my help.”

Jess nodded, unsure exactly which part he was agreeing to. Maybe all of it. After all, he had done okay being raised by just Jimmy for years enough, and then having Sasha and Lilly in his life. There was a chance that Liz swooping in would’ve changed everything, messed it up, made life worse or less than it ought to have been. Perhaps she had done him a big favour by staying away, but that was hard to swallow for a boy who just wanted his mom for way too long.

“Let’s sit down,” he said eventually, sinking down onto the couch.

Liz followed suit, looking uncertain of what was happening. Jess wasn’t surprised since he felt exactly the same, despite the fact he seemed to have taken control of the situation somehow.

“You want to hear about me and my life? Ask,” he said then, looking sideways at her and watching Liz smile.

“I got a lot of questions,” she admitted.

Jess nodded his head.

“I’ve got time.”


	18. Chapter 18

“So, how’d it go?”

Jess had been waiting for the question from Luke since before he ever got back to the diner. He was only grateful his uncle didn’t start with him downstairs, but instead followed him up to the apartment to ask. There was no way he was prepared to share the details of meeting his mother with the whole of Stars Hollow. He wasn’t exactly sure that he wanted to repeat the whole story even to Luke.

“It was... intense,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Weird, good, bad, awkward, scary, a relief even, but mostly, just intense.”

Luke nodded like he understood, and Jess supposed he was at least trying to. That was all his uncle could do right now, since he couldn’t possibly know what it was like to be in this situation. Meeting a mother that you never knew after eighteen years of wondering. It wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to most people, no matter how much they tried to understand.

“But you, er... you and Liz, you got along?”

“Yeah, we did.” Jess nodded, finding a half a smile for his uncle. “I mean, we’re not exactly going to be holding hands and skipping around town or anything.”

“That would be disturbing,” Luke noted, making Jess smile all the more, despite how serious this conversation ought to be.

“I can’t just act like she’s my mom, y’know? I don’t know her. We talked, shared some stories. I may have got mad at her for some stuff too.”

He looked away when he said it, unsure how Luke would react to the news. Jess wasn’t afraid of his uncle, not at all, but he didn’t know him too well yet. The whole moving here for a year situation hinged on Luke’s co-operation, so pissing him off wasn’t exactly a great idea. Jess was still learning what did and didn’t bother the uncle he had known for such a short time.

“Hey, I’m not going to say you shouldn’t be mad at her,” said Luke, hands raised in mock-surrender. “Liz’s behaviour wasn’t exactly great around the time you were born. For all that I could hate Jimmy for taking you away, I can’t pretend I don’t understand at least a little why he did it.”

Jess nodded his head, knowing Luke spoke the truth. He said something similar back in California when they met up to get acquainted. It still got to Luke that he wasn’t able to be a part of Jess’ life from the start, but there was nobody with a brain that couldn’t understand why Jimmy took his son out of that situation. There were some regrettable actions on both sides, Jess knew that, but personally, he couldn’t be sorry about how things turned out. He had a decent childhood, a good life with Jimmy, and later with Sasha and Lilly too. Maybe he could’ve had something just as good here with both of his parents, an uncle, and a grandfather, but there was no way to know that for sure, and no use wondering on it too much.

“Er, we’re gonna keep in touch,” said Jess then. “Liz and me, we exchanged numbers. She said she’d love to show me New York sometime.”

“That’s great.” Luke smiled. “You know, she’s had a rocky past, we all know that, but things are better now. She really turned her life around. I’m not saying she’ll ever be the perfect mother, or the perfect sister,” he admitted, “but she’s in a place where she can at least try now..”

“I know.” Jess nodded, unwilling to say any more.

Honestly, he was still processing a lot of what had happened with Liz, what she had told him about her life, how she had reacted to his own stories. As a woman he just met, a stranger to become acquainted with, Liz was okay, nice enough and everything. Jess was having a hard time putting her into the ‘mom’ category in his head though, not least because it felt like a weird sort of betrayal.

“Anyway, I should get back downstairs,” said Luke, turning to the door. “You wanna come down and eat? Or I could bring something up...”

“I’m good, thanks,” Jess insisted. “I could actually use a little time by myself.”

“Oh, sure, sure.” Luke nodded his understanding and made a hasty exit, closing the door behind him.

Alone at last, Jess dropped back onto his bed and covered his face with his hands. Two days and he wasn’t sure what he was doing here. The larger part of him wished he had never left California. Venice was home, the only steady, stable, long-term place that ever had felt like he belonged. Stars Hollow sure didn’t compare, though he doubted it was the fault of the odd little town itself, more that it didn’t contain the people that Jess held most dear.

Reaching for his cell, Jess stared down at the phone lying there in his hand and sighed. He couldn’t call, it would cost an absolute fortune, especially by cell. If he used the land line, that would also be extortionate, but he could probably pay Luke back later. It would be a little cheaper, he supposed.

“Screw it,” muttered Jess, reaching for the rotary phone on the table and dialling in all the necessary codes and numbers.

He waited with the handset pressed to his face, suddenly remembering the time difference and making calculations in his head. It was pretty late on a Saturday in Connecticut but would be early back home. Sasha and Lilly might well be home, though Jimmy could easily be out at Dante’s already. Jess hoped not, and felt he must have wished hard enough when a male voice answered all the ringing in his ear.

“Hey, Dad.”

He didn’t use the word much, knowing that doing so now would prove to Jimmy just how much he needed to hear his voice without him ever having to admit it.

“Jess. How’s it going son?”

“It’s going,” Jess told him. “I... I just met Liz.”

“Wow. Okay,” said Jimmy, clearly unsure how to continue. “How’d that go?”

“It was... I don’t know, man. It was weird. I mean, she’s my mother, but I can’t... I could’ve passed her in the street and I wouldn’t even have known about it.”

“Jess, buddy. I’m sor-”

“No, I don’t want you to be sorry. I didn’t call to have you say you’re sorry,” he assured his father. “I just needed to... How’s everything there?”

It was strange that given how close they had always been, Jess couldn’t just tell Jimmy that he missed him, that he just needed to hear his voice right now. He guessed that was the way it was with fathers and sons. No doubt Sash could explain it with talk of energy fields or hormones or something else that would make Jess roll his eyes, even as he thought how cool it was that he could just make sense of everything like that.

“Everything’s fine. Well, not fine, because... Well, it sure is weird not having you here, Jess.”

“It’s weird not being there.”

There was a long pause after their admissions had been spoken. Jess was sure Jimmy was as stuck for something else to say as he was. Part of him wanted his father to offer him the chance to change his mind and come home, and yet Jess knew that if he did, he wouldn’t accept. He had to see this through, not least so he could be with Rory and get to know Luke. He wasn’t going to get a chance like this just handed to him twice.

“Er, Sasha and Lily headed out early, they had some errands to run. They’ll be sorry they missed your call,” said Jimmy then.

“I’m sorry too,” replied Jess. “I really didn’t think about the time until after I dialled. Tell them I said ‘hi’, and... and tell Sash, what I said to her before I left, it’s still true.”

Jess wasn’t really surprised that Jimmy never asked what exactly he was referring to with those words. Though he doubted that Sasha had told Jimmy about their talk, about her being his mother no matter what happened with Liz, Jess figured Jimmy could guess. He also figured he wouldn’t exactly be mad about it.

“I’ll tell them,” Jimmy promised.

“Thanks. Anyway, I should go. This call is probably costing more than my flight. I’ll see you soon, Jimmy.”

“We’ll see you, Jess. Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

They hung up then, and Jess spent a long time just staring at the phone. Swallowing hard he told himself he was going to be an adult about all of this. He was eighteen years old, damnit, and he was not going to sit up here hiding, crying like a little girl just because he met his mother today and was missing his family a little bit.

“Pull yourself together already,” he told himself, getting up from the bed and heading for the bathroom.

He needed a shower. Jess couldn’t get the smell of Liz’s perfume out of his nose, and it was really starting to get to him. Clearly, she had over-done it in her effort to seem like the perfect mother figure. It was never going to happen, because Jess suspected she just was not cut out for such a role. Certainly, dousing herself in whatever the hell he could still smell hadn’t helped improve her.

When he was cleaned up and in a fresh set of clothes, Jess looked towards the door and pondered his next move. He could head downstairs, get some food, mix with the locals. He might even offer to help out in the diner, earn the cash to pay off the phone bill he was sure to have run up already, and would no doubt be adding to over the next few weeks and months. None of those things appealed, and his eyes went back to the phone by his bed.

Shaking his head, Jess reached for his cell instead and hammered out a text message as fast as he could. The reply came through within seconds and he smiled, shoving the phone back into his pocket and hurrying out the door. Rushing through the diner, he barely glanced at Luke as he told him he was headed out but he would be back in a couple of hours. He doubted his uncle would’ve argued with him even if he felt able.

As it was, he only told Jess not to get lost out there. Jess doubted that was even possible. From the tour Rory gave him, he was already pretty sure that if you made three lefts in Stars Hollow you ended up right back where you started, via a variety of stores that all seemed to sell ceramic unicorns, for no good reason he could come up with.

Not that Jess was headed in the direction of any stores on this particular walk. He had a better destination in mind and actually made it there before she did. He was sat in the middle of the bridge, legs dangling down towards the water, when Rory walked up to join him. Jess glanced up just briefly, waited for her to sit down close beside him, and then reached to take her hand in his own. He didn’t say a word. Now she was here, he really didn’t know where to begin. He only knew he wanted her close right now, that was all.

“So,” said Rory after a while, “you met your mom.”

“I met Liz,” he said pointedly, making sure not to snap at her mistake.

What she said was true after all, Jess knew that, but he just couldn’t have the word ‘mom’ applied to that woman. She was Liz, and she was an okay person and all, but she wasn’t ‘mom’. He seriously doubted she ever would be in his eyes, no matter what biology had to say about it.

“It was okay, right? I mean, there was no broken furniture or anything at our house, so...”

“It was okay,” Jess agreed, swallowing hard. “It was fine”.

It was unfair not to give her more to go on than that, to let her sit there wondering what was wrong, but Jess couldn’t help it. He wanted to tell Rory everything. He almost wished he had her there at the meeting so he wouldn’t need to repeat it all, so she would just know and understand. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. If he didn’t tell her, she couldn’t know, and yet Jess hadn’t the words, not right now.

He barely knew he was crying until he heard Rory gasp, her free hand reaching out to his cheek and turning his head to look at her. She looked almost as pained as Jess felt, and when she put her arms around him to pull him close, he let her.

It seemed like such a stupid thing to cry about, meeting your mother, but Jess couldn’t help it. Maybe some of this was just as much about leaving home for a year as it was about Liz, he honestly didn’t know. All that was certain was that he couldn’t help how he felt, or the tears that came freely and silently down his cheeks right now.

“Oh, Jess,” said Rory, holding on tight. “I wish I could say something to make it better.”

“It’s fine,” he promised her, pulling himself together after a minute or two. “Seriously, I’m good,” he said, sniffing hard, dragging the back of his hand over his face as they parted. “Geez, first day this has happened in around ten years, and it happens twice. What the hell is Connecticut doing to me?”

It was supposed to come out like a joke, but Jess knew it hadn’t landed so well when he saw the look on Rory’s face. Probably didn’t go down too well with her that he was suggesting he didn’t want to be here, even in jest.

“Hey, I’m not sorry I came,” he promised her then. “I’m not. I had to come, I had to meet Liz and get to know Luke, and... and I had to see you again,” he said definitely, gripping her hand in his once again and making her meet his eyes. “Rory, it was worth it. It’s all worth it. Especially you.”

She nodded that she understood, looking as fit to cry now as he had himself moments before, though maybe for happier reasons than Jess had.

“For what it’s worth, I’m really, really happy you’re here,” she promised him, leaning in closer.

“Me too,” he assured her, closing the final gap between them.

As they sat there, kissing like their lives depended on it, it was easy to forget all the problems that came with Jess’ trip to Stars Hollow. Nothing Rory did was going to make him stop missing his family or make him feel any closer to Liz. Still, the worst was over with regards to meeting his biological mother, and Jess didn’t hate getting to know Luke, or knowing that he could be this close to Rory every day for the foreseeable.

“I love you, Ror,” he told her when they parted. “Everything else is pretty screwed up in my head right now, but that part I’m sure about.”

“Me too,” she promised him. “It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, a couple of months ago, I hadn’t even met you, but I’m glad I did, Jess. I know I love you, and I am so happy that you’re here.”

They kissed once more before they parted ways, Jess heading back to the diner with a smile on his face that he certainly hadn’t been wearing when he left. He felt a few pounds lighter as he reached the door, knocking for entry since Luke had closed up by now and was clearly determined not to have any more customers.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, letting Jess inside.

“Yes, I’m okay,” his nephew assured him, meaning every word this time. “Goodnight, Uncle Luke” he said, heading for the stairs.

“Goodnight, Jess,” he heard behind him.

Maybe this wasn’t home, but perhaps it could be as good as, for a while at least.


	19. Chapter 19

“So, it’s been more than a couple of weeks now,” said Lane with a smile. “How do you like Stars Hollow High so far?”

“It’s not so bad,” said Jess, shrugging his shoulders. “The teachers are no worse than back home, a couple might actually be smarter. Plus, I think I made a couple of friends already,” he said, smirking at her.

Lane blushed at that remark, as Jess knew she would. Miss Kim wasn’t quite so easily embarrassed as Rory, but she had her moments. Despite how she seemed in front of her mother, Lane really wasn’t the shy little flower that she had first appeared. Jess already liked her a lot, happily finding she knew almost as much about punk and rock music as he did. She wasn’t exactly a replacement for his father in those kind of discussions, but she held her own, and Jess was glad for another friendly face that wasn’t making demands on him.

For all that Luke was proving to be a great uncle, he was trying just a little too hard in Jess’ opinion. It was as if he thought he literally had to make up for the last eighteen years of absence all at once. Either that, or he was trying to step into the shoes of Jess’ father. Luke was no Jimmy, and that just wasn’t going to happen, though Jess supposed it was sort of nice that he was trying to be there for him.

It just felt strange most of the time, having so many people all want a piece of him. Back home, Jess knew a lot of people, but they didn’t exactly care what he was doing all of the time. Stars Hollow was the biggest gossip factory Jess had ever known. Every time he went over to the house affectionately known as The Crap Shack to eat dinner or just spend some time with Rory, her neighbours were there, peering out of the window, or even sitting out on the porch, watching him. Jess felt like he knew Babette better than most since she made a point of talking to him almost every time he passed by. Her friend, Miss Patty, from the dance studio was no better. In fact, she was a little bit worse, especially she since realised that Jess was eighteen, and therefore not so much jail bait.

There were people in town that Jess liked well enough. Andrew at the book store was a good guy and seemed happy to have another avid reader in town. Gypsy already said she would help him out if he decided he wanted a car while he was in town. Of course, there were also people like Taylor who didn’t seem to like anyone new in town who might not be as in love with the idea of quarter inch grass and collectable plate stores as he was, but Jess figured he would take Luke’s advice and just ignore the Town Selectman as best he could. It sure seemed to work for his uncle a not small part of the time.

“Well, I should get home,” said Lane, moving to part ways with Jess outside of the school building. “That biology homework is not going to do itself.”

“Tell me about it.” Jess rolled his eyes, then looked towards the diner.

He hadn’t realised that he sighed quite so loudly, until Lane called him on it.

“You miss home that much?” she checked.

“Yes and no.” Jess shrugged. “I mean, Luke’s cool. He tries, but...”

“He’s trying a little too hard maybe?” Lane suggested.

Jess smiled and she knew she was right.

“Luke means well. Always, with everybody. You have to see it from his side. You’re his family and he never really had that before. I mean, he has Lorelai and Rory now, but he hasn’t had blood family around in way too many years. You’re a novelty, I guess. He just wants you to know how much he cares.”

Jess nodded that he understood, because quite honestly, he did. He didn’t have an overabundance of family himself, but what he had worked for him. Apart from his mother, he never really thought about having or needing any further additions to his family circle. He didn’t always feel he needed to know her.

Luke was a good guy, there was no question on that, and Jess get along with Lorelai too. As for Rory, she was never, ever to be considered family, but Jess certainly loved her. The problem wasn’t getting along with people, it was people (namely Luke) trying just that little bit too hard.

It was probably a conversation they should have, Jess was all aware of that, and yet he backed out every time the topic came up. He and Jimmy could be like that sometimes. Close as they were, saying how they felt, rocking the boat for good reasons or bad, it never felt like a plan. Jess certainly had reasons enough not to want to piss off Luke. If he was to throw him out or anything then Jess really had nowhere else to go but back home. On the surface, that sounded like a fine idea, but he knew he didn’t really want to flake on this arrangement, and he really didn’t want to leave Rory.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lane,” Jess called to her as they parted ways at last.

He headed over to the diner, taking a deep breath as he pushed through the door and painted on a smile for Luke’s benefit.

“Hey,” his uncle greeted him, even as he rushed up and down the counter serving customers. “Good day at school?”

“Sure.” Jess nodded. “Let me drop this off, I’ll come back down and help out,” he offered, moving to take his bag upstairs.

“No, no. It’s fine. You do your homework and... and then whatever you want to do. I’m fine.”

Jess stopped by the curtain and took another deep breath. He couldn’t take much more of this. He wasn’t used to it. At home, if he offered to help out around the house or at Dante’s it was just accepted. More than that, it was sort of expected really. They were a family that all pitched in together and got stuff done. Jess would say that Luke came from that kind of family too, and yet he was making this big deal about almost coddling him, which he really didn’t appreciate.

Going upstairs, Jess threw his bag into the chair and sat down hard on the bed, hands covering his face a moment. He and Luke were going to have a conversation. Today. Just as soon as the latest rush was over in the diner. He couldn’t take this anymore.

In the meantime, he figured he may as well get his homework done. As Lane had said, biology needed his attention, as did math and english.

By the time Luke came upstairs to check on him, Jess was just finishing up, and was glad to be done.

“Hey,” said Luke, smiling too wide. “You okay?”

“No, not really,” said Jess honestly. “Luke, we need to talk.”

“Okay.” His uncle frowned some, but did take up the chair Jess gestured to without argument. “Should I be worried right now? Are you about to tell me you broke something, or you got thrown out of school or something? Oh God, are you leaving?”

“No, nothing like that,” Jess promised him, shifting awkwardly in place. “I just... Look, thank you, okay? For everything you’re doing, letting me live here and... and I appreciate it, okay? You get that.”

“Sure.” Luke nodded. “I want you to be happy here, Jess. You should feel at home.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t” his nephew admitted. “At home, I’m actually allowed to help out. I’m supposed to help, and I want to. And nobody is watching me every second, checking on me like I’m a wayward toddler, and making a huge deal out of everything all of the time. I’m not saying I hate that you care, Luke, I just... I can’t live like this. The lack of pressure is starting to feel like pressure.”

He said it all in a rush, doubtless the most words anyone in Stars Hollow had heard out of his mouth in one go, and that included Rory. Jess did a good line in laconic, and though he knew he got that from Jimmy, Luke had suggested it was something the two of them had in common too. Right now, a lack of words just wasn’t going to cut it. Everything that had been rattling around in his head these past three weeks just needed to be said, and so it was.

Luke looked a little stunned, and then a little sad.

“I screwed up,” he said, shaking his head. “I just... I’m sorry, Jess. I’m doing by best here, you know? I guess I’m not used to dealing with people, kids, teenagers, I don’t know.”

“The stories I here from the gossips in town, ‘people’ seems to cover it,” said Jess, smirking uncontrollably, “but hey, we have that in common. Me and people aren’t always a winning combination either, not in close quarters. Of course, it depends on the people.”

Luke nodded like he understood, but he still looked kind of sorry for himself.

“Hey, you’re a good guy, Luke,” Jess assured him. “I’m not complaining exactly, and like I said, I’m grateful for the whole letting me live here thing and all of that. Just, when I offer to help out at the diner, you could let me. If I don’t look ecstatic with life every single second, you don’t have to bug me about what’s wrong.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“Thank you,” said Jess. “So, anything you’ve got to say to me while we’re here in this awkward moment?”

Now he had said what he came to say and Luke hadn’t gone ballistic about it, Jess felt more than a little self-conscious and could see his uncle wasn’t faring any better. If they did have any more differences to air, now was probably a good time to get it all over with, so they would hopefully never have to do this again.

“I actually have a question,” said Luke after a moment’s pause. “You and Rory, I know you’re serious about each other. I’ve never seen her like this about a guy. There was the bag boy, but that wasn’t...” he said, waving away Dean as if he were nothing at all and making Jess smile into the bargain.

Having met the guy at this point, Jess was amazed that Rory ever thought the Jolly Green Giant was worthy of her. Dean was not exactly God’s gift to the human intellect, and damn, was he ever stupidly tall!

“My point is,” Luke continued, “it’s pretty obvious you’re as serious about Rory as she is about you, at least, it seems that way to me and to Lorelai. I know I’m not your father, Jess, but whilst you’re here, I do have some kind of responsibility for you. As Rory’s step-father and somebody who loves her a lot, I have a responsibility for her too.”

“Is this going somewhere?” asked Jess, not exactly loving where they seemed to be headed now. “I mean, you said there was a question.”

“There is,” Luke confirmed, looking all around the apartment. “You’re not... I mean, I don’t really want to know, exactly, I just...”

“Oh, geez!” Jess covered his eyes with one hand and willed this whole situation away. “No, we’re not sleeping together, and yes, if we did, we’d be safe. Does that cover it?” he said, still unable to look at Luke at all.

“Covers it for me,” said his uncle quickly, getting up from his seat and making a hasty exit. “Glad we got all that figured out.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Jess, shaking off the awkward of what came before. “So, you want a hand in the diner tonight? Rory’s at her grandparents so I’m free.”

“You don’t have to,” said Luke, like a reflex, before seeing the look on Jess’ face, “but if you want to, I’d be more than happy to have you pitch in,” he said with a smile. “It’s pretty quiet now, but you could come down to eat if you wanted?”

“You got pie?”

“Three different flavours.”

“Right behind you, Uncle Luke.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Are you excited?” 

Jess didn’t exactly feel bad about looking at Rory as if she had three heads. It was a pretty strange question to ask in the circumstances, but she seemed serious about it. Lorelai was looking at him as if she expected a positive reaction too. If he didn’t know it already, Jess sure got plenty of daily reminders that Stars Hollow was a very strange place.

“You seriously expect me to be excited by a town meeting?” he checked.

“They expect everyone to be as crazy as they are,” Luke noted, smiling fondly at the girls. “It’s weird, but you learn to love it.”

“I believe that,” said Jess, looking at Rory and seeing her blush. “So, these things are run by Taylor, right? Because that guy really doesn’t like me.”

“Oh, Taylor doesn’t like anybody,” said Lorelai, waving away his words. “Especially ‘outsiders’,” she air-quoted.

“But Jess isn’t an outsider. His family come from here, at least, one side anyway,” said Rory, suddenly awkward as she realised what exactly she was saying.

Jess squeezed her hand and let her know it was fine. It wasn’t as if what she said was wrong anyway. Luke was his family, and so was Liz. They hailed from Stars Hollow and that made him at least half a local. Of course, most people hadn’t seen Liz in town for quite a while, and even Jess had only seen her twice since he’d been there. The second time was slightly less painful than the first, and then probably only because she had come to dinner with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory present too.

That was a couple of weeks ago now, and time was passing quickly, without mother and son making much of a connection. Jess ought to be mad at her for not making more of an effort, but then he had her number and address, he could make the first move too and chose not to.

Spending time with Rory was priority one, and then Luke and Lorelai, who were a great uncle and aunt so far. Of course, Jess missed Jimmy, Sasha, and Lily sometimes, but he really wasn’t yearning to spend a huge amount of time with Mommy Dearest.

“So, we sit?” he asked as they stepped into Miss Patty’s studio to find rows and rows of chairs facing the front.

“Yes, we do,” said Lorelai, picking out a row and ushering everybody in.

Jess looked around at the assembled crowd. They seemed to be the usual faces, a lot of neighbour types, the town gossips, and some business owners. He and Rory were probably the youngest people in the room, bringing the average age down a decade all by themselves, or so he thought. It wasn’t long before he spotted Lane sat by her mother. She turned to wave to him and Rory, and they waved back. Jess stopped abruptly and looked away when he realised Mrs Kim had noticed and was glaring at him in a way that he was sure was supposed to kill him by pure force of will.

“She is truly terrifying,” he told Rory in a whisper.

“I cannot argue with that,” she agreed.

Jess continued to survey the crowd until the meeting began. His eyes landed on a very tall young man towards the front in an aisle seat. That could only be one guy, he was sure, and was proved right when Dean looked back at Rory with a real sour expression.

“Does he actually believe he is Frankenstein’s monster?” asked Jess, glaring daggers right back at Rory’s ex. “I mean, I know he’s twelve feet tall, but that glowering thing just really adds to the whole-”

“Stop it,” she admonished, though Jess could see she was trying not to smile when he looked at her. “Dean is a nice guy. Just because things didn’t work out with us, we’re still friends, so please, be nice.”

“Be nice?” Jess echoed, trying not to laugh. “Are you kidding? All that guy has done since I came here is glare like he’s trying to burn a hole through me, and I’m the one who has to play nice?”

Rory frowned at those words, and Jess didn’t wonder at it. Up to now, he hadn’t bothered to tell her about Dean’s continued attempts to assassinate him by mind-power alone, not least because Jess was pretty sure Dean didn’t have enough brain-power to blow the top of his own head off. It just didn’t seem important. If anything, Jess kind of liked the idea that Rory’s ex was jealous of him, and with absolutely no effort exerted on his part.

Throwing his arm along the back of Rory’s seat, Jess settled back in his own chair and waited for Taylor to call the meeting to order. It honestly wasn’t the worst way to spend a couple of hours, he realised, as the townsfolk discussed, argued, and bickered amongst themselves. Lorelai passed out snacks, Rory leaned in closer to Jess, and the four of them enjoyed the amusing show for as long as it lasted.

Of course, when it came to the final order of business, Jess suddenly wished he was anywhere but here. When Taylor said Andrew had something he wished to share, and the bookshop owner stood to face the assembled townsfolk, Jess just didn’t like the way the guy was looking at him. He had a horrible feeling he knew what was coming and it made him feel sick.

“I’d just like to say a big Stars Hollow welcome to our newest resident, Jess Mariano,” said Andrew, smiling wide as he pointed towards the row where Jess was sat. “He’s been here a few weeks now, and this is his first town meeting. He’s a friendly face in the diner and already one my best customers in the bookstore. I just thought it was only right and proper for us to formally welcome him into our community.”

“Here, here!” cried Miss Patty with gusto.

“Yeah, he’s a real nice kid,” Babette declared loudly. “We see a lot of him down our street, you know, with him dating our Rory and all. He fits right in here with us, as if he belongs.”

“He does belong, Babette,” Luke pointed out, rolling his eyes. “He’s my nephew.”

“Oh, sure,” she agreed, turning to her husband, Maury. “I always forget that part.”

“Okay, well, I’m sure Mr Mariano is now feeling very welcomed,” said Taylor quickly. “If there’s no more business, we’ll call this meeting to a close.”

He banged his gavel then and stepped down from the podium. Jess heaved a sigh of relief and pulled himself up straight in his seat again, having sunk down to almost the floor during the great ‘Isn’t Jess awesome?’ speech. Not that he hated knowing people around here liked him, he just wasn’t quite equipped to deal with the attention in that way.

“So, what do you think?” his girlfriend asked now the meeting was over and they were getting up to leave.

“I’ve had worse evenings.” Jess shrugged. “At least until that last part.”

“What? You think that was embarrassing?” said Lorelai, giving him a look. “Oh, sweetheart, you’ve known no embarrassment until you’ve had your romantic life be the subject of an entire, secret town meeting.”

“What?” he asked, looking from her to Luke.

His uncle had a hold of Lorelai’s hand and was pulling her towards the door, but she stood her ground and gave her answer to Jess’ question.

“When me and Luke first got together, there was an emergency town meeting, without us present, to discuss if we should be allowed to date.”

“You’re serious?”

“On this rare occasion, yes, she is,” Luke confirmed.

“Of course, no vote Taylor held or rule he tried to impose could break up Mom and Luke.” Rory grinned. “They were made for each other.”

“Very true,” Lorelai agreed, planting a kiss on Luke’s cheek.

“Come on, Crazy Lady. Let’s go home already. You kids coming?” he checked.

“In a while,” said Jess, his arm around Rory’s shoulders still. “We were going to take a walk.”

“A walk, huh?” said Lorelai with a knowing look. “Well, don’t walk too far,” she added, pointedly.

“We won’t,” said Rory, blushing furiously.

Jess pretended not to notice the exchange or to understand what it all meant. When Luke and Lorelai were gone, he and Rory headed off towards the bridge in comparable silence. They hadn’t got far when someone called Rory’s name and Lane came running up to them.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I only have five minutes before Mama notices I’m gone and I really, really need to talk to you,” she insisted to Rory.

“It’s fine,” Jess promised her. “Actually, I’ll just... Huh,” he said, feeling in his back pocket. “Apparently, I need to head back to the studio, try to find my book.”

“Okay. We’ll be here.” Rory smiled, leaning in to kiss Jess briefly on the lips before he walked away.

They hadn’t got far and even in the semi-dark, Jess found his way back to the meeting place just fine. A few people were still hanging around outside and in the town square, talking with their neighbours and friends. Jess hurried up the steps and slipped inside, eyes on the ground, searching for his lost book. He spotted it almost immediately, right in the far corner, and moved to retrieve it. When he got back up from the ground and turned, Jess was a little surprised to come face to face with somebody else’s chest.

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he asked, looking up into the face of Rory’s ex. “Aren’t you supposed to be chained down before the full moon rises?”

“You really think you’re smart, don’t you?” asked Dean, clearly unamused.

“Actually, I know I’m smart,” Jess countered. “I’m also pretty sure you’re not, but hey, it’s not affecting my life, so why would I care?”

He turned to go then, but a hand on his shoulder pulled him back around. Quite honestly, Jess did not relish the idea of getting into a fight with this guy, not because he couldn’t handle himself well enough, but just because he could do without the trouble. Things were going pretty well for him here, he didn’t want to mess it up, or have it messed up for him, truth be told. Of course, that didn’t mean that if Dean started a fight, he wouldn’t finish it, because he absolutely would.

“You really think you’re something.”

“No, I don’t. I know exactly what I am. I’m Jess Mariano. I’m Luke’s nephew and Rory’s boyfriend. Anything else is theory on your part, and frankly, none of your business anyway. So how about you stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours, because I don’t have time for this West Side Story crap, okay, Riff?”

This time, when Jess made to leave, Dean let him go. Quite honestly, Jess wasn’t sorry about that. He probably could beat the guy in a fight, but he would rather not have to. He wasn’t sure that Rory would be all that impressed. Though he believed she was done with her ex, they were still supposed to be friends.

As far as Dean was concerned, Jess was pretty sure some feelings for Rory remained. Not that he could blame the guy. As far as he knew, it was impossible not to be in love with Rory Gilmore. It seemed that Dean certainly wasn’t over her and as such was going to hate Jess for just as long as he was around. That was fine with him. It seemed the rest of the town loved him, for better or worse, and as weird as that was, he didn’t hate it.

“Hey,” said Rory as he reached her once again. “Lane had to go already. You seemed to be gone a while.”

“The people in this town just love to talk,” said Jess, rolling his eyes. “Now, how about we go down to the lake and not talk?” he said with a look, wrapping his arms around her.

“Sounds like a solid plan,” Rory agreed, smiling widely, as they set off towards the bridge.


	21. Chapter 21

“You know you should really tell him yourself. Liz, come on, you waited all this time and now-, No, you can’t just-, Liz!”

Jess whistled low as he walked into the house, catching the tail-end of Luke’s phone call from the hallway.

“That sounded like a fun conversation,” he said with a look.

“Yeah, your mom and me don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything,” Luke grumbled, slamming the phone down into its cradle. “She was supposed to be coming to dinner with us before you go home for Thanksgiving in California, but apparently, something has come up, and... I don’t know. She’s Liz.”

“Yeah, I’m getting that whole thing,” said Jess, nodding his head.

Luke sighed and turned away. He hated this and Jess knew it. All the talk of his coming here to meet and get to know his mom, and Liz really wasn’t holding up her end. Luke felt responsible, rightly or wrongly, which only proved what a good guy he was. Jess actually felt bad for him right now and decided to throw him a bone.

“You know it really doesn’t matter to me, right?” he told him genuinely. “You and Lorelai, you’re... you’re great. You want to get to know me and be like family. If Liz doesn’t, then she doesn’t. I’m not gonna cry over it.”

Luke sighed heavily.

“I’m glad you see how much Lorelai and I are trying to make you feel welcome, because we really are. Getting to know you is great, Jess, and I’m really glad we got this opportunity. I just wish your mother would make as much effort.”

“Some people just aren’t family people, I guess.” Jess shrugged. “No big deal.”

“But it is a big deal, Jess,” Luke insisted. “Liz is your mother, she should be making more of an effort.”

“Maybe. I mean, not maybe she’s my mother, because that’s your basic biology, but she’s not... I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I have a family already. Back home in California, I have Jimmy and Sasha and Lilly. I know only one is blood, but you of all people know how much that doesn’t always matter.”

He was talking about Rory now, even though the fact of his uncle being her father-figure was still just a little awkward for Jess to mention yet. It was a good comparison to make. Luke looked at Rory and saw a daughter despite the fact there was no way he could be her father, just the same as Sasha and Lilly were mom and little sister in Jess’ life. Sometimes you were lucky enough to be born into the family you’re supposed to have, other times, you made your own as you went along. They both knew it was true, and Luke didn’t even bother to try and deny it.

“You should have both,” he said instead, his hand on Jess’ shoulder. “I wanted you to have that family and this family.”

“And I do,” he promised him. “I have those guys there and you guys here. Liz is... whatever. No offence, I know she’s your sister, but it’s hard to miss what you never had. I came here to meet her, I did that. I’m not sure I was really expecting anything else where Liz is concerned.”

Jess could see by the look on Luke’s face that he hated knowing Jess had such low expectations of his own mother, but the truth couldn’t be denied. Liz was a real flake. Luke was her brother and he loved her, but even he had to admit you couldn’t trust her to do what she said she would do or stick to a plan or anything. She said she wanted to meet Jess and get to know him, but she made no real effort. She never had made an effort, and they could only allow her so much sympathy.

“I’m still sorry she’s not trying harder.”

“And I’m sorry we’re not millionaires, but it is what it is,” said Jess with a smirk. “Stop worrying so much, Uncle Luke,” he teased him, “you’ll give yourself a seizure or something.”

“I gotta get back to fixing dinner,” said Luke, smiling in spite of himself. “You wanna help? Lorelai and Rory had some errands to run so they won’t be here for a while.”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” Jess shrugged, following his uncle into the kitchen.

It would almost be weird to go home for Thanksgiving. Being here had started to feel oddly normal already. All the dates with Rory, the dinners here at the Crap Shack, time spent with Luke and Lorelai, getting to know the neighbours. It was all kind of okay actually. Despite Rory’s ex getting a little Bruce Banner a while ago, so far, his threats had proved empty. Jess wasn’t worried about Dean, not even a little bit, but strangely, he was a little thrown by how much it did worry him to go back to California for Thanksgiving. He just really didn’t want to leave right now.

* * *

They told Luke and Lorelai they were going out after dinner, knowing it would sound like they were actually headed some place to see a movie or whatever. Jess didn’t feel the need to correct them, and despite her usual insistence at being a real goody two shoes about those kinds of things, Rory hadn’t said a word either. Not that the parent types would probably mind too much that they were hanging out in the diner apartment alone. They would probably assume they were watching a movie or talking books or something. Jess liked those activities well enough most of the time, but right now, he wouldn’t trade what he was currently doing for anything. His vision and senses as a whole were all full of Rory. He was drowning in her, and he was more than okay with that. Unfortunately, just when he started getting a little further than second base, Rory backed off.

“Okay, need air,” she said, looking more than a little flushed.

Jess didn’t argue at all, it wouldn’t be fair to her. After all, girls tended to like to move slower than guys at the best of times, and as previously noted, Rory had a tendency towards the whole good girl vibe. Not that he didn’t love that about her, same as he loved everything else, but he was an eighteen-year-old guy and he really, really wanted her. Unfortunately, despite them being in love from pretty much the get-go, they really had only known each other a little over three months, and Rory had never gotten what she called ‘serious’ with anyone before.

“You wanna go home?” he asked, moving to sit next to her on the edge of the bed, hoping she said no.

“Really don’t,” she confessed, scooching closer and putting her head on his shoulder. “Spending time with mom and Luke is great, but being alone is nice too,” she told him, fingers entwining with his own.

Simple, seemingly innocent touches escalated quickly, as they always seemed to the moment the two of them were alone. Jess seemed to have a compulsion about kissing her, an unquenchable thirst for her always, and mostly, Rory didn’t seem to want to argue with that. At least not until they got very much horizontal, her body on top of his, and he maybe pushed his luck just a little.

“Mmm,” she moaned, shifting away some. “You’re a very bad influence,” she told him, smiling anyway.

“Yes, that is me,” he agreed, smirking as he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

She rolled her body away and laid down beside him, apparently not eager to get away as much as to not get too close. Jess understood, even if it was kind of frustrating. He certainly didn’t mean to sigh so audibly about it, but apparently it happened anyway. 

“I’m sorry,” said Rory, looking too guilty. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because you know I do, kind of, I just-”

“I get it,” Jess promised her, meeting her eyes. “You’re not ready yet, and that’s okay.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true,” he assured her, bringing the hand he had clasped in his up to his lips and kissing it.

He knew he was being sweet and charming, saying all the things she wanted to hear. The truth was he did mean it, it was okay that she wasn’t ready and that he had to wait. Of course, it was getting harder and harder all the time, and yes, that pun was entirely intentional, he thought to himself. Better in moments like these, he had found, to change the subject to something that would definitely kill the romantic mood.

“So, I was thinking about Thanksgiving,” he said, propping his head up on his free hand.

“Oh, yeah,” Rory echoed, mirroring his position, “you get to see your family again soon. You must be so excited.”

“You’d think so,” Jess agreed. “I mean, I miss them, obviously, but... but I was thinking maybe I could hold off on the trip home until Christmas, maybe.”

“Seriously?”

“It’s a long way to go for basically one day,” said Jess, shrugging a shoulder. “The break from school is longer at Christmas and... I don’t know, I think maybe it makes more sense to be here.” He smiled. “Besides, as much as it pains me to admit it, the plans you and your mom and Luke keep making in front of me, well, I’m a little jealous I might not be a part of them.”

“You want to be a part of our plans?” asked Rory, teasing just a little.

Jess wasn’t laughing when he replied; “I want to be part of all of your plans.”

She reached to kiss him then, the momentum of her body hitting his making Jess roll back. Unfortunately, since they had moved over some after their last make out, he was a little closer to the edge than even he realised. They hit the floor in a pile of tangled limbs, Jess trying to make sure he took the impact more than Rory, though neither of them ended up looking too graceful. Doubtless they would have couple of choice bruises each by tomorrow.

“Ow,” he said shortly.

“I second that,” Rory agreed, moving off him as the two of them helped each other up, “but I’m so happy you’re staying for Thanksgiving. That is, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Jess promised her, nodding his head. “I don’t know what Jimmy will say, not to mention Sash and Lil, but I guess I’ll find out when I tell them tomorrow,” he considered, checking his watch. “In the meantime...?”

Rory smiled at the look in his eye, reaching her arms up around his neck.

“Deep breath, and...”

Maybe getting only so far with Rory would be the death of Jess eventually, but he couldn’t help thinking, it might just be a fine way to go.

* * *

It was the first time since arriving in Connecticut that Jess hadn’t looked forward to calling home. He didn’t exactly expect Jimmy to be mad about his not going back to California for Thanksgiving, but he might well be disappointed, and somehow, that would be worse. He deliberately called when he knew Lilly would be in school and Sasha was likely to be out too. Letting one person down easy, the one person who knew him best in the world, was probably easier than three at once, especially when one of them was a kid that adored him and missed him so much.

There was no doubt the news came as a surprise to Jimmy, but he didn’t seem sad, or even terribly hurt. Maybe just a little disappointed, but Jess would probably have been offended if he wasn’t actually.

“Jess, you know all we want is for you to be happy,” his father promised him.

“I am,” he told him definitely, “and you know I love you guys, and of course I want to be there, but... here isn’t so bad.”

The truth was that ‘here’ was actually pretty great. Jess never expected Stars Hollow to feel like home so fast or so easily, but it really did.

“So long as that’s the real reason,” said Jimmy then. “What I mean is, I don’t want you not coming home because of the money or because you think we don’t want you to.”

“That’s not why, I swear,” Jess promised him. “If it’s anything, I think it’s... it’s Luke,” he admitted, knowing his uncle was a large part of the reason. “The guy feels so bad that Liz isn’t making an effort. I just think if I stay for Thanksgiving and it really feels like a family thing, he won’t beat himself up so much, you know?”

There was a pause before Jimmy answered again.

“You’re a good kid, Jess,” he told him, before correcting himself fast. “A good man. Sorry, buddy.”

“Yeah, well,” he replied, swallowing the emotion that rose thick in his throat. “I learnt from the best.”

“Get out of here, before I throw up,” Jimmy countered.

Jess laughed out loud at that, he couldn’t help it. He and his father rarely did the mushy stuff, but sometimes, he supposed, it just couldn’t be avoided, not when you loved someone that much.

“Tell Sasha and Lil that... that I said ‘hi’,” he told Jimmy then, falling short of the L word in that regard too.

“I’ll tell them,” his father promised, somehow sounding as if he understood the the real meaning of Jess’ request anyway. “Take care of yourself, Jess.”

“You too. Bye, Dad”

He hung up before Jimmy had a chance to react to the use of that name. Jess wasn’t much for saying it, but in moments like that, he couldn’t help himself. Maybe it was a reaction to his mom proving to be just as useless as Jimmy always suggested so far. Maybe it was just because no matter how much Jess was eighteen and practically a man now, as Jimmy had said, he still liked knowing that Dad was always there for him, no matter what, even when an entire country was stretched out between them.


	22. Chapter 22

Jess half-expected to regret staying in Stars Hollow for Thanksgiving. After all, he knew he had to be a fool to turn down the chance to go home like he had. He missed California, and moreover the family he left behind there, since the moment the plane touched down in Hartford almost three months ago. Still, being at The Crap Shack with Rory and her mom and Uncle Luke, it wasn’t so bad. In fact, Jess was now more sure than ever, that when he left one home it was to come right here to another. He just belonged somehow, and it didn’t suck to realise that at all.

“This is amazing,” he said, looking at the table filled with every kind of Thanksgiving food. “Are you expecting more people?”

“Nope, just us,” said Lorelai definitely. “Since Rory and me already swung by our parents, and the Kims, and called in on Sookie and Jackson while you guys were doing your chef thing, there’s really nobody left to see.”

“And you ate at all those places too?” he said, looking to his girlfriend for confirmation.

“Not whole meals,” Rory confirmed. “Well, most of one at Grandma and Grandpa’s, but not much at Lane’s because Mrs Kim serves tofurkey, and hardly anything at Sookie’s either this year since Jackson has plans to deep fry the turkey.”

“Deep fry...? Nope, I’m not going down that crazy path,” Jess decided, holding his hands up in mock-surrender.

“Good choice,” Luke agreed, preparing to carve the turkey at last.

It felt like a real family occasion, and Jess was genuinely part of the family. He’d already gotten over much of the potential ickyness of dating his step-cousin (if that was even a thing) and had sort of accepted his place as both Rory’s boyfriend and Luke’s nephew in the grand scheme of things. Nobody else was making a big deal, except for Lorelai, occasionally, when she liked to make a good hill-billy joke or something, but Jess had also learnt that was just her way too, and to never be offended by her. It was the last thing Rory’s mom ever intended.

With their plates piled high with turkey and all the trimmings, the girls were eager to dive in and eat right away. Jess looked awkward a moment and met Luke’s gaze across the table. He opened his mouth to speak but the quickly changed his mind, covering with a cough and picking up his fork.

“Jess?” Luke checked. “Something wrong?”

“No, it’s cool,” he assured him. “I just... Er, back home, Sasha usually makes us do the whole ‘what we’re thankful for’ thing before we’re allowed to eat. Seems weird not doing it,” he said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

He felt a little dumb now, almost even guilty as Lorelai let her fork drop to her plate and tried desperately to chew and swallow way too much sweet potato and marshmallows all in one go. Rory followed suit, hastily clearing the turkey from both her mouth and her fork, so she could appear ready to share in Jess’ tradition.

“You don’t all have to do it,” he assured them.

“Hey, we want to,” said Luke definitely. “In fact, I think I’ll start. I am thankful for my wife, and our Rory,” he said, deliberately using the phrase that Lorelai so often favoured, even as Rory herself blushed. “I am very thankful that our vacation to California led to us finding Jess, and that we’ve gotten this chance to get to know you and have you staying here with us for a while,” he said, smiling across the table at his nephew.

“Amen!” said Lorelai with gusto.

Luke rolled his eyes. “I was giving thanks, not praying,” he pointed out, “but thanks, anyway.”

“See, I gave you one more thing to be thankful for, right there,” said Lorelai with a grin, patting his hand on the table. “Now, personally, I am real thankful for all this delicious food, and for having a husband that knows how to cook like this. Can I get a ‘hell yeah’?”

“Hell, yeah” Rory supplied without missing a beat, much to Jess’ amusement.

“And obviously, I am also grateful for my awesome kid, and her pretty awesome boyfriend, who is just about crazy enough to fit into this crazy town like he belongs. And, I’m even more thankful that I have to spend very little time with my parents on this blessed day of Thanksgiving,” she said, smiling widely in Jess’ general direction. “Your turn,” she prompted him then.

“Well, I’m thankful for you guys, making me welcome here and everything,” he admitted, “and for the folks at home, for understanding when I told them I wasn’t going back until Christmas. I guess, all in all, I’m just thankful for family,” he said, looking around the table at three smiling faces.

It was nice, but at the same time Jess couldn’t help wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. It was just a little embarrassing to be loved this much by people he had known such a short time in reality.

“Rory, you go,” he urged her, if for no other reason than to get the attention off him.

“I guess I’m just the same as everybody else,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m grateful for Mom, for Luke, for Jess, for Grandma and Grandpa,” she added, sticking her tongue out at Lorelai when she said it, “and Lane, and Sookie and Jackson, and all our friends in town-”

“Oh, my God, could you please just say ‘everybody in the whole wide world’ and be done, people are starving here!” Lorelai teased her.

“And everybody in the whole wide world,” said Rory deliberately, grinning the whole time. “Let’s eat.”

At that, they all took up their forks again and dug into what was truly a delicious meal. When the girls started complimenting Luke on his always excellent cooking skills, he made a point of mentioning what a great help Jess had been, and that he’d pretty much made the pie for dessert all by himself when Luke started to run out of time.

“Another man that cooks?” said Lorelai happily. “Honey, you did good.”

“I know,” she agreed, grinning at Jess.

“So, are we getting any of this pie, or what?”

“Lorelai, you barely finished with dinner,” her husband pointed out. “I thought even you would want a short breather in-between,” he said, before shaking his head. “But I’m an idiot and I should know better, so let’s go get that pie,” he said, rising to clear the table.

“I’ll help,” said Rory, moving to get up to, but Jess stopped her.

“It’s okay, we’ve got it,” he insisted, taking her plate as well as his own.

He and Luke disappeared into the kitchen, laden down with dishes, as the Gilmore girls relaxed in their seats. Jess hadn’t realised he was grinning like an idiot until Luke called him on it.

“You look really happy,” he noted. “I’m glad. I started to worry maybe you’d regret not going home, you know, not being with Jimmy and everybody.”

“Nope, no regrets,” Jess promised, shaking his head. “I mean, if I could have them here too, that’d be great, but it was one or the other and this is kind of cool, being part of a second family too. I don’t hate it,” he said with a smirk he couldn’t help.

“Me either,” Luke agreed.

They busied themselves with their chores then, putting the dishes in the sink, wrapping up leftovers, and of course, getting the pie ready to serve. Jess picked it up to bring through to the living room where the table was set up, and Luke followed behind with the dishes and spoons. It was a strangely proud moment for Jess, or it would have been, if he hadn’t walked out there to find three women where he had left only two.

“Hey, kiddo,” said Liz, grinning wide.

Jess suddenly didn’t feel so much like smiling.

“Hey, Liz,” he said awkwardly, glancing back at Luke, who honestly looked just about as shocked as Jess himself. “So, you’re here,” he said, looking back at Liz then.

“I’m here,” she agreed, still smiling too much. “Well, don’t I get a hug or anything?”

Jess looked at her then down at the pie in his hands. He had this momentary brain freeze when he sort of didn’t know how to get from standing here holding food to hugging his biological mother, or maybe he did know and he just wished he didn’t.

“I’ve got it,” said Rory, taking the pie from his hands with what Jess assumed was supposed to be a supportive smile.

He nodded his thanks and moved around the table in time for Liz to throw her arms around him. He hugged her back, but his heart wasn’t in it. They had kind of figured things out before, in their two visits together, but she had shown little interest over the past couple of months, and Jess was almost certain Luke had invited her to Thanksgiving only to be turned down. Yet, here she was, and smelling a little of booze, if Jess wasn’t mistaken.

“Hey, big brother,” she said then, tackling Luke much the same way she had Jess.

He moved quickly back to his seat so that wouldn’t happen again and tried not to notice how awkward the Gilmore girls looked in their own home. It all felt very much like Jess’ fault, and yet he knew that was dumb. He didn’t invite Liz here, but he knew she probably wouldn’t have shown up if not for his presence.

When he gave any more attention to Liz and Luke, Jess realised his uncle was explaining they had already eaten, but that he could fix her a plate of leftovers if she wanted.

“It’s fine, I’m not all that hungry anyway,” she said, waving away his concern. “I’m sure I could eat some pie though. You know, this brother of mine makes the best pie in the world,” she told Jess, still grinning as she squeezed in at the table on the spare chair Luke brought for her.

“Actually, Jess made this pie,” said Lorelai, no doubt feeling the need to speak in the long silence that was starting stretch out around the table.

Awkward didn’t even begin to cover it.

“Wow. Just like your uncle, huh?” said Liz, shaking her head. “’Cause you sure don’t get any cooking skills from me, and last I saw Jimmy, his idea of gourmet was cheese in a can, you know what I mean?”

“He got classier after he left you.”

Jess knew how it sounded the second the words left his lips. He winced because he felt a little of the pain he caused ricochet back, more from Luke than from Liz, truth be told.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m not so hungry anymore.”

He got up to leave because it was all he could think to do. Jess wasn’t even sure what he was running from, he just knew he couldn’t be at this table anymore. He kept on thinking about home. It had been happening all day, but in a nice way, where the memories and comparisons were all good. This place, these people, it felt almost as comfortable and happy as being in California with Jimmy and Sasha and Lilly might. Then Liz walked in and everything fell apart. All Jess wanted to do was run. There was no way to run all the way back home, but he could at least have retreated to the apartment. He didn’t even do that. The moment he reached the front porch rail, he stopped, shivering from the cold and regretting not picking up his jacket on the way out. Still, there was no way in hell he was going back inside, not now. He couldn’t bear too.

“Hey, Rebel Without A Clue,” said Lorelai behind him, tossing his jacket into his hands. “You really need to remember to bring that thing everywhere that doesn’t have walls and a roof,” she said with a friendly smile. “We’re not quite as hot as the Golden State.”

“Thanks,” said Jess, pulling on his jacket and zipping it up to the top.

Even with his hands wedged in his pockets and the house to protect him from the wind, he was still cold. He should really get some Connecticut-suitable clothing, but it seemed sort of pointless. Winter could only last so long and he was headed home when the school year was out anyway.

“So, you and your mom have some stuff to work out still,” said Lorelai, leaning on the railing beside him.

“Apparently.” Jess nodded. “She was supposed to care, you know? She made this big deal about caring, but clearly she doesn’t. I’m not sure she’s capable.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Lorelai agreed. “My mom is nothing like Liz, but the not always caring when you feel like they should thing? They have that in common.”

“Your mom didn’t drink, smoke, and take drugs the whole way through her pregnancy, and then not even bother to come look for you when your father took you away,” he said flatly. “At least, I doubt it.”

“Huh, sometimes I wish there was a country between me and Emily,” said Lorelai, not entirely joking anymore as far as Jess could tell, “but yeah, I guess our situations are pretty different that way. All I can really say in Liz’s defence is that having a baby that young? It is not easy.”

“You coped,” said Jess, shrugging his shoulders. “From what Rory told me, you were younger than Liz, not married, with parents who were not exactly supportive. Liz had Jimmy, and Luke, and her father. She still couldn’t pull it together.”

Lorelai sighed. She was trying to be helpful and Jess appreciated that, but there was no argument she could make right now that was going to help win him over. He was mad at Liz for not caring enough, partly when he was younger, but mostly now. She thought she could just swan in and out of his life as she chose and act like the greatest mother in the world, when in fact, she was just proving herself to be as useless as Jess ever imagined she could be.

“Okay, so we were having a pretty good time in there before Liz showed up, right?” said Lorelai with a look. “Right, so here’s my plan. You go over to the diner, get things straightened out in the apartment, no underwear on the floor, no porn where I have to see it,” she teased, “and I will go back in there, retrieve as much of your delicious looking pie as I can, find some polite, ingenious way to get rid of Liz, and then, we’ll all come join you to continue the Thanksgiving Day funfest. Sound like a plan?”

It took a couple of beats after she finished talking for Jess to fully process all her words. Lorelai was in fact the only person he knew who could talk faster than Rory.

“Okay,” he said, nodding his head. “Thanks, Lorelai.”

“You’re welcome kid. Us in the less-than-stellar moms club have to stick together, right?”

“I guess so,” he agreed, turning to go.

Jess stopped on the porch steps and turned back, catching Lorelai a moment before she opened the front door.

“If I asked Rory to come with me to California for Christmas, would that be okay with you?” he asked her.

It wasn’t supposed to be emotional blackmail, but it probably came off that way, Jess realised too late. After all, she just offered him one favour, and now he was asking for another. Plus, she knew he was having a tough time today, it was probably really unfair to ask now, but the thought came into his head and he just couldn’t help himself.

“Sure,” said Lorelai after a moment’s consideration. “I mean, if she wants to go, I won’t say she can’t.”

“Thanks, Lorelai,” said Jess, smiling genuinely by now. “For everything. Y’know, there’s times you kind of remind me of Sasha.”

“Given the way you talk about her, I’m taking that as a very big compliment.”

“You should.”

Lorelai smiled all the wider, as she urged him to go with a wave of her hands.

“Scram and let’s get this plan into action,” she said definitely.

“Yes, ma’am,” said Jess, laughing in spite of himself as he hurried across the square.

No, he definitely did not regret staying in Stars Hollow for Thanksgiving.


	23. Chapter 23

Jess could not stop smiling. He was laid on his bed with a book in his hand, but his eyes were not really focusing on the pages. He was happy here, happier than he ever thought he could be in some place that didn’t contain Jimmy, Sasha, and Lilly. Stars Hollow had become home, and he felt as much a part of Luke and Lorelai’s family as he did with the folks in California. Of course, what had him grinning quite so much today was thoughts of seeing those he left behind very soon. Christmas break was just a couple of weeks away now, and alongside being thrilled to see his own home and his family again, Jess also loved knowing that he got to take Rory with him.

It would be the best of both worlds for Jess, and there was no bad in that. When he first asked Lorelai if she would mind, she said it was fine, but he half expected her to have reservations later. She never did. Then he worried what Luke would think, and even to a degree, if Rory would want to go. Jess never doubted that she loved him, but asking her if she wanted to give up Christmas with her family to spend it with his, and on the other side of the country no less, it was kind of a big ask. Jess hadn’t looked at it like that until he actually came to the point of mentioning it to Rory. It was amazing to him when she said yes. She seemed really excited about it too.

As if on cue, Jess’ cell phone buzzed on the nightstand, and he picked it up to find Rory was calling.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she replied in kind, but said no more.

“You okay?” Jess checked.

“Yeah. I, er... Can I come over?”

“Always,” he agreed, wondering why she sounded so strange. “Now?”

“I... I’m actually at the diner door.”

Jess’ eyes widened at that, but he didn’t think twice about getting up, shoving his feet into his shoes, and pelting down the stairs. He found Rory with her face practically pressed to the glass of the door and quickly unlocked it to let her in.

“Hi,” she said, with what looked like a forced smile.

“Hi,” Jess replied, pulling her into his arms. “Geez, Rory, you’re freezing.”

“I’m fine,” she told him, even as she shivered in his grasp. “Although I could use a coffee, maybe.”

“Sure” said Jess, nodding in agreement.

He locked the door back up and then went to put the coffee on, but he was frowning the whole time. Something was not right here. He had a horrible feeling that for all the joy he had been feeling about Rory joining him in California for Christmas, maybe now she had come to tell him it was all off.

Before he knew it, the coffee was ready and he turned to find Rory staring unseeing into a table top. That was not a good sign either.

“Let’s go up,” he suggested, grabbing the coffee pot and two mugs, and gesturing to the stairs, “it’s warmer.”

Rory nodded and followed him up to the apartment. They sat together on the edge of the bed with a cup of coffee each, sipping their hot drinks. Jess didn’t want to ask again what was wrong, he waited for Rory to spit it out and tell him. After barely five minutes of that, he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Uh-huh,” she said, nodding as she reached to put her coffee mug down on the nightstand. “So, I was talking with my mom, about Christmas.”

“Great.” Jess sighed, putting his cup down beside hers. “She’s not gonna let you go now, right?”

“No, no. She’s fine with me going,” Rory insisted. “I’m fine with me going. Everybody’s fine with it,” she promised, smiling wide. “I’m excited actually, I think it’ll be fun.”

“I hope so.” Jess nodded, wishing he felt better about this situation, unfortunately, something still seemed to be wrong. “Rory...” he tried, but the moment he turned his head, she pushed herself into arms and started kissing him.

They were lost in each other for almost five minutes, before it occurred to Jess that if he was going to be the better person, he should really find out why Rory was acting so weird, before he accidentally took advantage of the situation.

“Not that I’m complaining about this,” he said, pulling away just enough to bring her into focus, “but are you sure you’re okay?”

“Very okay,” she promised, smiling a little more like she meant it this time. “See, Mom and me didn’t just talk about Christmas. We talked a lot about you, in general. She really likes you,” she said, sitting close and picking up his hand in her own.

“That’s cool.” Jess nodded, entwining their fingers. “I like her too. Sometimes she reminds me of Sash.”

“I guess there would be similarities,” Rory considered.

“You’d think there’d be more between Liz and Lorelai, but there’s not,” he said thoughtfully, looking down at their joined hands still. “You got really lucky with your mom.”

“I think so,” Rory agreed happily, her free hand going to his face and making him look at her again. “I think I got really lucky with you too,” she said, meeting his eyes. “I mean, it was crazy the way we met, and you being Luke’s nephew and everything, but I wouldn’t change one thing about our trip to California. If I did, then we might not be here. You might not be here, and... and that would be bad.”

“Oh, yeah?” asked Jess smirking a little.

Rory smiled and nodded, pushing forward again to initiate another deep kiss. Jess was drowning in her and happy to do so. She moved ever closer, not stopping him when he pushed his luck a little. If anything, she seemed to be encouraging him. That was new.

“Rory...” he whispered, aware of the fact that he was starting to lose his bearings now they were laying down together, and she sure wasn’t pulling away at all.

“It’s okay,” she promised between kisses. “Actually, it’s more than okay.”

Jess had his hands at her shoulders, moving her away just a little and meeting her eyes with a purpose.

“Really?”

She nodded, her hair falling in his face, which she quickly moved away.

“I told Mom and Luke that... that I might not come home tonight,” she explained, looking just a little nervous about it. “So, if you wanted me to stay...” she trailed off, as he took a turn at pushing that unruly piece of hair back behind her ear.

“You have no idea,” he told her.

“Pretty sure I do,” she said, blushing in spite of herself. “I love you, Jess,” she told him seriously, leaning into his touch.

“I love you too,” he promised, drawing her closer again, kissing her deeply.

Even though she had invited him to make the next move, Jess still half-expected Rory to change her mind when things got more serious. She wasn’t a tease or anything, and he wouldn’t accuse her of that, but this was a big step for anyone, and particularly for girls somehow. This wasn’t just Rory’s first time with Jess, it was her first time ever. That was a lot of pressure in some ways, and yet, it didn’t feel like it right now. Of course, it was a big deal, it should be, Jess thought, but it was also supposed to be a good thing, special, meaningful, about just the two of them and how much they loved each other. That’s exactly what it proved to be.

* * *

“You okay?” asked Jess, his arm around Rory’s shoulders as they lay in his bed together.

“Well, I’m not cold anymore,” she admitted, blushing all over again despite what they just did.

Jess leant down to kiss her softly on the lips.

“But you’re okay?” he checked again.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she promised, curling further into his side. “Better than okay. Are you okay?” she asked then, glancing up.

There must have been a certain look on his face, Jess supposed, given the way Rory was now staring back at him with such concern.

“Yeah, sure,” he told her, shifting around in the bed. “I’m... I’m fine.”

He knew he had done the wrong thing when suddenly Rory was sitting up, clutching the covers to her body and looking distressed.

“Oh, was it not...?” she asked, with a clearly pained expression. “Was I not...?”

“Rory, stop,” he said quickly, sitting up with her, his hands at her shoulders. “You’re beautiful and amazing, and what just happened was great,” he swore to her. “Better than great, I swear.”

There was a horrible moment when she didn’t look like she believed him. Jess felt like such a heel for making her doubt herself, or their relationship. She really was not the problem here, not at all.

“Okay,” she said eventually, relaxing in his grip. “So, why do I get the feeling something is not right here?”

Jess sighed and looked away, his hands falling from her arms.

“I just... I can’t believe how embarrassing this is,” he muttered, running a hand over his face. “After that, I should be able to tell you anything and it should be fine.”

“So, tell me,” Rory urged him, moving to try and see his face.

Shaking his head a moment, Jess made himself look at her, wondering why this was so tough to say to her. She just gave herself to him, her first time with anyone. She trusted him that much and it really had been amazing. He could tell her anything, Jess knew that, so he just had to spit it out.

“I never slept with anyone before.”

Rory frowned hard. “But you said-”

“I said I’d had sex before, and I have, but...” he faltered, “but I never slept with anyone before,” he told her with a look.

“Oh,” she said suddenly getting it apparently. “Oh, well, me neither actually. Not with a guy anyway. I mean, you know, I’ve slept in a bed with a person, like my mom, or top and tail with Lane, you know?”

“I know,” he agreed, nodding his head.

“So, a first for both of us,” said Rory, moving to lie down again with a smile on her lips.

“Apparently,” Jess agreed, curling down beneath the covers beside her.

“I think that’s a good thing,” she said, encouraging his arm back around her.

Jess smiled and kissed her hair.

“Agreed,” he said, suddenly feeling very comfortable and very sleepy.

* * *

It was Jess who woke up first in the morning, which was not entirely surprising. He was used to early starts back home, and here in Stars Hollow, the noise of the diner usually startled him awake if he didn’t come to naturally. This morning, the sun was still making its way over the horizon when Jess opened his eyes to the world, smiling at the feeling of Rory in his arms, her head pillowed against his shoulder.

He lay there watching her sleep a little while, and then it was just too much effort not to be kissing her. His lips on hers gently kissed her awake, a smile appearing on her face as she opened her eyes and looked at him in the dim light.

“Hmm, that’s a nice way to wake up,” she said softly, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair and keep him close yet.

“Glad you think so,” said Jess, allowing himself to be pulled into another kiss. “You want breakfast? Or, more importantly, you want coffee?” he asked then.

“You’re the best,” she declared happily, making Jess grin.

“I know, you told me last night,” he reminded her, “and for the record, you’re the best too,” he promised, planting one last kiss on her cheek before hopping out of bed and into his pants.

“To be fair,” Rory mused, “I have no frame of reference.”

“Yeah, well,” said Jess, his back to her as he busied himself in the kitchen area. “For what it’s worth, my list of conquests is not exactly huge either.”

“Really?”

Jess wasn’t sure whether to be insulted by her surprise or not. He chose not. Rory would never want to hurt him, any more than he would set out to hurt her. After what they just did together last night, they ought to trust each other with anything.

“I know, guys are supposed to be cool and have all this experience,” he said, only prepared to keep talking for as long as he could keep his back to her.

“You seemed to know what you were doing.”

Her words did make him turn to find her blushing, red as a tomato. Honestly, Jess would be surprised if he didn’t look much the same. There was no way he ever would’ve told Rory how nervous she made him, but last night had been all kinds of pressure on him too. He really did not want to screw up with her of all people, and his other adventures in that kind of physical contact hadn’t exactly been stellar.

Before he knew it, Jess was telling Rory all about it, as he put on coffee, and made eggs and toast for breakfast.

“You know, my first time, I was fourteen. Her name was Christy Morgan. Her mom worked at Dante’s for a while, and Christy and me used to run around the boardwalk together, just blowing off steam. One day, we swung by her place so she could change her shirt after she spilled a drink all over herself. One minute, I was trying to remember to be a gentleman and not look through the crack in the door, the next she was pulling me into her room and was pretty much on top of me.”

“Wow,” said Rory from the bed.

“Yeah. So, it happened, and... and it was awkward and weird,” Jess admitted, shaking his head, “and after, she cried all over me about some other guy who she was supposedly completely in love with.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. Not the greatest day of my life,” he declared, bringing Rory her coffee, and unable to keep from smiling at the sight of her curled up under his covers still. “Er, so, the second time was kind of a false start, or a false finish?” he considered. “Her name was Jessica.”

“Jess and Jess?” said Rory, an amused smile peeking out over her coffee cup.

“Because nobody ever made that joke,” said Jess, rolling his eyes as he returned to the stove. “Anyway, we were kind of dating, I guess, or we probably would’ve got as far as dating, if her father didn’t suddenly decide to move the family away. Jessica came over to my house, nobody else was home, and I just thought it was now or never. We were kind of in the middle when Jimmy walked in.”

“Yikes!” Rory declared, clearly picturing how embarrassed she would be in that kind of situation. 

“Yup.” Jess knew first hand it was in no way fun. “Here endeth the embarrassing sex list of Jess Mariano,” he said, turning back to hand Rory a plate of eggs and a fork.

“Thank you,” she said, accepting her breakfast. “And hey, it’s not embarrassing, or it shouldn’t be,” she assured him, moving over so he could get back into bed for a while. “A lot of people don’t have a perfect first time. I’m just lucky,” she declared with a grin.

“Perfect, huh?” said Jess, sure he looked about as proud as he felt, but trying not to - arrogance wasn’t altogether sexy or appealing as far as he knew.

“I’m not denying that I could’ve used a little less pain and a little more knowing what the heck I was doing,” said Rory, practically hiding in her breakfast when she said it, “but you were so wonderful, Jess, and... and it was always going to be perfect, because it was you,” she said, meeting his eyes one more time.

“Yeah,” he said, leaning over to kiss her lips. “I know what you mean.”


	24. Chapter 24

“This is so weird.”

“You keep saying that.”

“But it doesn’t even look like Christmas. It’s like the middle of summer. It’s unnatural.”

“Not for California,” Jess pointed out, rolling his eyes at her expression of apparent shock. “Rory, come on, you knew it was not going to be all snow-covered and cold here. Please, tell me you realised that.”

“Of course, I did, on a practical level,” said Rory, rolling her eyes right back at him. “That doesn’t mean it’s still not very weird to be spending Christmas in a place that doesn’t know the meaning of seasons,” she said definitely. “Of course, alongside the weird, it is really great to be here with you,” she said happily curling into his side.

Jess wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She wasn’t wrong, it really did feel great to be together, even though he was back home for Christmas. He couldn’t wait to see Jimmy and the family again, but not being with Rory right now would’ve been impossible.

Now he had the best of both worlds, and perhaps the best part was managing to catch an earlier flight than expected. It meant they were about to surprise the people who had planned to meet them at the airport in a couple of hours’ time by showing up on the doorstep unannounced.

When the cab pulled up at the kerb around the corner from his house, Jess jostled Rory to get her up. They got their luggage together and the driver was duly paid before they hurried towards the house, hoping not to be seen until they reached the door.

“You okay?” asked Rory as Jess lingered on the porch a while.

“Yeah,” he answered automatically, and yet his heart thumped wildly in his chest. “This feels a little weird is all. Is that crazy?”

“No,” Rory assured him. “You’ve been gone a while, you’re excited to see your family again, right?”

“Right.” Jess nodded in agreement. “I’m glad you’re here too,” he promised her, glad to see her smile, before he turned back to the door and they made a deliberately loud entrance.

Jimmy, Sasha, and Lilly all came running to greet them. Jess was sure he had never been hugged so much in his entire life, but it didn’t feel in any way bad. As much as Stars Hollow had welcomed him and he was glad to be there for a while, he wasn’t sorry to be home for the next week, amongst these people, and in this house. Nothing felt quite like home.

* * *

Jess was more glad to be home for Christmas than he ever really thought he could be. Within a minute, he had fallen into conversation with Jimmy, wanting to tell him everything and hear everything too. Then Lilly wanted attention and Jess was happy to give it. He felt bad when he realised hours later that he had hardly paid any mind to where Rory was this whole time. He set out to look for her, crossing through the living room and then heading for the kitchen, since he had found her nowhere else. He stopped a few paces from the door when he heard the conversation inside.

“You okay there?” asked Sasha, and Jess could just picture the expression of concern she was doubtless wearing.

“Sure, yeah,” said Rory, sounding less than cheerful, and Jess winced at the realisation. “I just... It’s silly. I just feel like maybe Jess is wishing he hadn’t brought me here now.”

“Oh, honey, there’s no way Jess regrets any part of being with you, including bringing you home with him.” said Sasha definitely. “I’ve never seen him like this with anybody else.”

“Not with Jessica? Or Christy?”

Jess didn’t think he could feel any more of a jerk right now, but apparently, he could. It didn’t thrill him that he was eavesdropping on his girlfriend and his step-mom either, but now he had started, it was impossible for him to stop.

“Wow,” he heard Sasha say. “He told you about them? That’s a good sign. Men only talk about their exes for two reasons. One, to make you jealous when they don’t have you, or two, to be honest with you when they love you.”

Rory smiled at that, Jess was sure. He could hear it in her voice when she spoke again.

“You know, Jess said my mom sometimes reminds him of you. I see what he means. You remind me of her too, a little bit.”

“Thank you, Rory. I take that as a huge compliment, given how close you guys are,” Sasha told her, clattering dishes together as she presumably made a start on dinner. “So, you’re okay sharing a room with Lil, right?”

“Sure. It’s fine.”

“I mean, I’m sure you’d rather be sharing with Jess but-”

“No,” said Rory so fast, she actually startled Jess. “I mean, well...”

“Rory, sweetheart, I’m not naive about teenagers,” Sasha assured her, “especially ones who are in love like the two of you obviously are. Now, Jimmy would like to think of Jess as a little kid sometimes, and I get that, but I know he’s a young man now, and you’re a young woman. If you two are having sex then that’s your choice. I trust you’re being safe and sensible, so it’s no problem, but I have a ten-year-old in this house, and I don’t want her getting any of those kinds of ideas for a long time yet.”

“I understand,” said Rory solemnly, “and we are, by the way. Being safe and sensible.”

“I never doubted that.”

Jess sighed softly. He wasn’t sorry that Sasha trusted him like that. He hadn’t given much thought as to whether or not the parentals would assume he and Rory were sleeping together or not, but he supposed he should’ve guessed Sash was smart enough to know. It was a relief to hear her be so cool about it, though he never really expected anything else. He had great parents here.

“He really loves you, you know?” said Sasha then.

“I really love him,” Rory replied, making Jess smile.

Of course, it occurred to him that he and Rory had so much love and trust between them, he really shouldn’t screw it up by sneaking around and listening in on what ought to be a private conversation. Taking a deep breath, he stepped back a couple of paces and then strolled into the kitchen like he just arrived.

“Hey.”

“Jess, hey” said Rory, startled by his sudden appearance apparently. “Um, we were... I thought you were spending time with Lilly.”

“I was. I am,” Jess corrected himself. “She actually wants me to take her to the mall, get something that certain adults aren’t supposed to know about until Santa comes.” he explained, gesturing not at all subtly towards Sasha making her laugh. “She asked me to ask you if you wanted to come with.”

“Really?” Rory checked.

“Really.”

“I’d love to,” she said, with a wide smile that Jess never got tired of seeing. “I just have to go to the bathroom before we leave.”

She leaned in to kiss Jess’ cheek and then hurried out of the room. Jess sighed and leaned back against the counter top. It was good that she wasn’t mad at him, in spite of his bringing her here and then pretty much abandoning her. He had to get better at this balancing act between the folks in California and those in Connecticut.

“So,” said Sasha, getting his attention then, “how much did you hear?” she asked with a look.

Jess knew there was no point pretending he didn’t understand.

“Most of it, I think,” he admitted.

She smirked and shook her head, but didn’t admonish him at all.

“She’s a really nice girl,” she said of Rory instead. “I’m glad you brought her with you.”

“I’m not so sure Jimmy is thrilled,” Jess noted.

“He wants you all to himself,” said Sasha, passing by him to the fridge. “You’re his kid, that’s the way it is with parents.”

“Not all parents.”

Her back was to him when he said it, and Jess almost didn’t want her to turn around. It was such a self-pitying whine of a thing to say, and he really didn’t want to start dissing Liz now he was home. It wasn’t cool, and he knew it, but somehow, after spending so much time with Luke and Lorelai and now being around Jimmy and Sasha again, seeing what parents should be like, it made Liz seem so much worse.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” said Sasha, suddenly in front of him, with her hand at his shoulder. “I wanted Liz to try harder for you.”

“It’s not like she’s not trying at all,” he said with a sigh. “She invited me to visit in New York in the new year. Even if she flakes, I’ll get to see the city. That won’t suck,” he said with a brave smile.

Sasha smiled too, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug.

“We really miss you around here when you’re gone,” she said as they parted, planting a motherly kiss on his forehead, “you know that, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I miss you guys when I’m gone too, but I think I made the right choice.”

“I think you did too,” Sasha agreed easily. “Now go, get that gift with Lil, or you’ll be too late to get it to Santa,” she told him with a grin.

Jess was laughing as he headed out, as glad that he came home for this holiday as he had been to stay in Stars Hollow for the last one.

* * *

Christmas morning was noisy but full of fun and laughter. All the gifts were duly exchanged, and nobody could deny they had all been spoilt. Jess was particularly touched to see Jimmy and Sasha exchange gifts with Rory, and what he and Lilly picked up at the mall yesterday pleased the parents too.

Of course, the gift that was making Jess particularly nervous was the one he had for Rory. He thought about giving it to her away from prying eyes, but this was his family, they were not going to judge him. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the small box with the bow on top from under the tree and handed it to her.

“Here. Merry Christmas, Ror.”

She must have guessed it was from him before she ever read the tag, and her smile grew impossibly wide when she found out for certain. Her hands appeared to be shaking as she unwrapped the paper, and Jess heard Sasha whisper to Jimmy that the packaging suggested jewellery.

“Oh, wow,” Rory gasped as she finally saw her gift.

“Can I see?” asked Lilly, sticking her head in between Rory’s face and the box. “That’s really pretty” she noted happily, before going back to her pile of books and other gifts.

“It’s gorgeous!” said Rory, lifting the locket from the box by its chain. “Jess, I love it.”

“Open it up,” he urged her, hoping she was as pleased when she did as she seemed now.

“That is perfect,” she declared, seeing the captures inside - her mom and Luke on one side, and Jess himself on the other. “Look,” she said, leaning over to show Sasha.

“That is very special,” she said, grinning at Jess.

If Jess wasn’t determined never to do so, he could’ve sworn he was blushing right in that moment. He hoped rather than believed that was true.

“Hey, there’s still one more here for you, man” said Jimmy then, handing over a final package from under the tree.

Jess thanked him as he took the gift, looking sideways at Rory. It had to be from her, nothing else made sense. It felt like a book, and Jess wasn’t surprised when he pulled off the wrapping and found he was right. What gave him pause for thought was that the pages contained no words. He turned to Rory with a questioning look and saw her shift uncomfortably.

“I, er... When I was over at the apartment a couple of weeks ago, I was looking for your watch for you,” she reminded him, “I opened the drawer and saw all your papers.”

“Huh,” said Jess, realising that maybe he wasn’t the only sneaky person in their relationship.

He knew what she had found. The pages and pages he had written at the the end of the summer. When his head was full of family matters, and his heart was lost to Rory on the other side of the country. He’d had ideas of doing something with all that he had written, making it into a story maybe, but it hadn’t happened yet. He never told Rory that, though he had explained why he had all those pages in the first place. She was clearly listeneing closely at the time.

“I didn’t read it all,” she explained quickly. “It just... It occurred to me that you said you like to write, and clearly that’s very true, so I thought... Well, especially with everything that’s changing in your life right now, you have a lot to think about, and writing things down has helped you before, that’s what you said,” she reminded him. “I just... It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she told him, clearly reconsidering that fact now.

Jess took pity on her in a moment, turning the book over in his hands and finding she even had his initials put on it, right there in gold on the smart faux-leather cover. She was amazing.

“Hey,” he said, moving closer and putting his hand to her face until she looked at him again. “It’s amazing, Ror. I love it,” he promised her.

She was smiling in a second and it never occurred to Jess not to kiss her. He stopped very quickly when he realised Lilly was making ‘aaw’ noises and Jimmy was whistling at them.

That time, Jess was almost certain he was blushing, but actually, he really couldn’t care less.


	25. Chapter 25

“You know you’re moving so fast in so many directions, you’re going to meet yourself coming the other way eventually,” said Luke, watching Jess toss things into an overnight bag.

“Who am I? Marty McFly?” his nephew checked, unable to keep the smirk off his face.

“Hey, nobody calls him chicken,” said Lorelai as she walked in right at that moment. “Door was open,” she noted when they both turned to stare at her.

Jess shook his head and checked his bag one more time, not paying any mind to Luke and Lorelai’s bickering about the fact she should have knocked in case somebody was naked. She said that was ‘dirty’ and it turned into a whole thing that was equal parts amusing and nauseating. Jess took himself off the bathroom on the pretext of hunting down his hair gel. Quite honestly, he figured he was safer in there given how sick he was feeling, and not because Luke and Lorelai were making with the cute either.

He was going to New York today, and that was amazing, but he was going there to spend more time with Liz. If it were any other place, he might’ve begged off. Quite honestly, his mother hadn’t really impressed him so far, and her attitude didn’t exactly encourage Jess to make an effort either. When she did see him, she made such a huge deal about him being her baby and loving him to death, but when they were apart, he never heard a word from her.

It was four months since he came to Connecticut, and Jess had seen Liz all of four times. An average of once a month was fine for some people. For those that were grown and/or lived far from their parents, that was probably way more frequent visiting than they usually got, but this was a very different situation. In Jess’ opinion, a parent who missed out on eighteen years of their kid growing up ought to want to make up for it the second they got the chance. Liz didn’t.

Luke was all for being a genuine family member, doting on Jess as much as an uncle ever could. Even Lorelai was eager to get to know him and welcome him into the fold, and she wasn’t even blood. Liz only wanted Jess around when it suited her, confirming what he had long suspected - she was not mother material.

“Hey, Jess?” Luke called then, tapping on the bathroom door. “You coming out of there any time soon?”

“Yeah, give a guy a minute,” he replied, sure he sounded more pissed than he really should.

Leaning on the sink, Jess stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like Jimmy, and maybe a little like Luke sometimes. He struggled to see any of Liz in him and was glad for it, despite the fact she was his mother. Mother, yes, but not mom. Even if she wanted to be, he wasn’t sure he could betray Sasha like that. He didn’t want to try. Liz hadn’t earnt it, and he couldn’t see that changing over one weekend in the city.

“You get to see NYC,” he reminded himself. “Focus on that part.”

Taking a deep breath, Jess painted on a smile, made a big, noisy deal of flushing the toilet and washing his hands, and then emerged back into the main room of the apartment.

“You all set, kid?” asked Lorelai.

“Pretty much,” he told her, nodding his head.

“Well, Rory’s all set downstairs. She insisted on staying where she could see the bus stop out of the window.” Lorelai rolled her eyes. “I told her you guys had plenty of time, but she gets a little intense about timekeeping sometimes.”

“I know.” Jess smiled, double-checking he had everything and then reaching for his jacket.

It was hard not to spot the big grin on Lorelai’s face then. She was so, so proud of the Christmas gift she picked out for him, and Jess didn’t exactly hate that she had. After spending more than three months getting progressively colder in Connecticut, Jess had been thinking he should really get some warmer clothes, particularly a jacket that offered more protection against the low temperatures and biting winds. Now, he didn’t have to bother. The biker jacket that Lorelai and Luke had presented to him on his return from California as his Christmas present, was nothing short of perfect.

“I have good taste,” said Lorelai proudly, echoing what Jess had told her when he first received the gift a few days ago.

“We know,” her husband agreed, rolling his eyes. “You said it several times now, after Jess had said it, and Rory agreed. I’m not sure there’s anybody left in town that hasn’t heard the story.”

“Hey, if I left it to you, you would’ve bought him a video game or a skateboard or something,” she said, making a face. “I thought of a gift that was practical, stylish, and in keeping with the personality of the giftee. That is a skill, husband.”

“I never said it wasn’t,” he reminded her, kissing her cheek. “And you know I think you’re very skilled and absolutely amazing.”

“Get a room,” said Jess, smirking hard.

“Hey, this is my room,” Luke pointed out to his nephew. “I own it.”

“And I’m out of it,” Jess countered, swinging his bag onto his shoulder. “Try not to miss me too much, okay?”

“Be safe, nephew.”

“Enjoy the city, Jess, and keep my daughter out of trouble!”

“I’ll do my best!” he called over his shoulder as he headed down the stairs.

Rory was by the door when he got into the diner, bouncing around like a bug on a hotplate.

“The bus will be here any minute,” she told him urgently. “Come on!”

Jess didn’t even have time to say hello or claim a kiss before she was out the door. All he could do was chase her across the square to the bench by the bus stop when she flung herself down on the seat with her bag beside her.

“I don’t remember you being this intense when we travelled to California,” Jess noted, sitting beside her.

“I probably was,” Rory admitted. “You were just so excited to see your dad and everybody again that you didn’t notice.”

“Huh.”

Jess didn’t know how to argue with that, mostly because he completely believed that her theory was true. She probably seemed more jumpy about this trip because Jess felt as uncomfortable himself.

“So, you’ve been to New York before, right?”

“A few times.” Rory nodded. “Mom and me went for window-shopping, and for real shopping once when we were feeling wealthy,” she explained with a smile. “Then there was The Bangles concert.”

“The Bangles?” Jess checked, one eyebrow raised. “When was this? 1985?”

“It was only a couple of years ago,” she said, sticking out her tongue. “And they still rock.”

“I’ll take your word on it,” said Jess, reaching to put his arm around her shoulders and pull her close. “Thank you, for agreeing to come with me this weekend,” he told her softly, kissing her cheek. “Means a lot.”

“Of course,” she said, smiling widely. “I’m where you are.”

Jess smiled, moving in to kiss her lips when suddenly the bus showed up.

“Hold that thought,” said Rory hopping to her feet and racing to get on the bus.

Shaking his head, Jess got up and followed her. He really was grateful she was coming along on this trip. When it came to California, he just wanted her there. Jess had a feeling that this time around, he was really going to need her.

* * *

“Jess!” Rory yelled behind him, hurrying down the steps into the streets of New York. “Please, wait!”

Only because she asked like that did he actually make an effort to stop walking. He was so mad he could scream. Why he thought it was a good idea to come here, he had no clue. It was such a mistake. Everything about Liz Danes was one giant mistake, as far as Jess could tell. Forcing the cool city air breath through his lungs, he fought to be calm and found it almost impossible.

“Jess,” said Rory, her hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” he told her, aware that he sounded mad still, despite trying his level best to be kind to her.

None of this was Rory’s doing. If anything, she was the only person keeping him sane right now. If she wasn’t there to stop him, Jess was sure he would’ve done something very stupid just now.

“Why’d I think, even for a second, that this was gonna work?” he asked no-one in particular. “It’s ridiculous. Liz couldn’t care less about me when I was a kid, why would she start now? The last few months, she already proved she wasn’t going to make an effort. I should’ve known better,” he said, kicking a stone down the street with way too much force.

“You wanted her to try. You wanted to give her another chance, because you’re a good person, Jess,” Rory reminded him, yelling to him as he paced up and down the sidewalk in front of her now. “This isn’t your fault either.”

He heard her and he agreed with her for the most part, but it didn’t take away any of the messed-up thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of him. Jess always wanted to come here, see New York, for all kinds of reasons. A part of him had actually believed that one of those reasons might be his mother. She was supposed to be sorry for the way she had been when he was born, have real good excuses for why she never came to find him, and then become this great figure in his life. Liz was a crushing disappointment on all those points, and Jess hated that. He hated that she just couldn’t seem to bear to try.

“I did not come here to play happy families with her new boyfriend, and I sure as hell am not going to sit there while she tears lumps out of Jimmy’s name. My dad raised me by himself, for twelve years!” he yelled angrily. “He has been the best guy in the world, my entire life. At least he wanted me around!”

Jess hated how easily he was losing it, because it only proved more and more that he did care about Liz, what she said, what she did, how she treated him. He didn’t want to care, but it was impossible to shut it off. When he turned to Rory and saw tears in her eyes, Jess just felt worse. To bring her here like this, to bear witness to the wreck of a relationship that existed between himself and his mom. He got this so wrong.

“I am so sorry,” he told her, all the fight going out of him in a second.

“I’m not mad at you,” she promised, moving to hug him close. “Jess, I wanted this to work out for you. I really thought Liz was going to try.”

“Yeah, me too,” he agreed, hugging her back, so glad she was here.

God knows what he might’ve said or done by now if she wasn’t. This day would have been an even bigger disaster without Rory to tell him it would be okay. The fact was, he couldn’t really blame Liz for bringing along her boyfriend. Jess had brought his girlfriend, so fair was fair, but this guy she called her ‘lover man’ was a real piece of work, and apparently not willing to let ‘Lizzie’ take her son sightseeing or anything. They were expected to stay home, holed up in some rat-infested apartment that smelled like damp and weed. When Jess made the mistake of mentioning home a couple of times, Liz started to lose it, ragging on Jimmy and everything about him. Jess raised his voice in anger and the meathead boyfriend started to threaten him. Liz never even tried to stop whatever potential fight was bound to break out, so Jess had got up and walked out, making sure he took Rory and their bags with them. They were not coming back.

“I guess that’s the weekend blown,” he said sadly, pulling away enough to meet Rory’s eyes. “We should probably head back to the Hollow.”

“But we just got here,” said Rory, looking practically heart-broken. “You’ve dreamt of seeing New York for so long, Jess.”

“I dreamt of meeting and getting to know my mom, but look how that turned out,” he said with a look. “Maybe it’s just not meant to be.”

“Or maybe it is,” said Rory firmly, holding onto Jess when he tried to turn away. “Come on, we can do this. We can turn this whole weekend around. Look, I have Luke’s credit card,” she said, scrambling in her pocket to show him. “He said we could use it in an emergency, so we’ll get a hotel room tonight. We’ll see all the things in New York that you want to see, and then we’ll go home tomorrow afternoon, as planned, and pretend the first part of this weekend didn’t happen. We can do this, Jess.”

He believed her. Every word out of her month, he believed, and he wanted to do this. Experiencing New York with her would be a million times better than spending time with Liz or allowing her to ruin his weekend. They could turn this around.

“You’re amazing, Rory Gilmore,” he told her honestly. “You know that, right?”

“You’ve said it before, but I never get tired of hearing it,” she said, smiling up at him.

She didn’t object at all when he kissed her, and Jess sure made a big deal out of doing so. He wished he could better explain to her what she meant to him. Even ‘I love you’ didn’t seem enough right now.

“Okay,” she said breathlessly when they finally parted. “Now, top of the list must be CBGB’s, right? Lane would probably kill me if I didn’t go, and I know you’ve always wanted to see it.”

She was still rambling, but Jess had stopped hearing the words. All he could do was stare at her in wonder as she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the nearest subways station, eager for him to have some perfect day to treasure. She was right, he shouldn’t let Liz ruin his trip to New York, she wasn’t worth it. They could have a great time yet if they just tried, and Jess fully intended to give it his all.


	26. Chapter 26

Jess wasn’t sure that life got better than this when he woke up in the hotel in New York with Rory curled into his side. It wasn’t the first night they spent together, though it was the first where she wouldn’t feel the need to rush to get up and away in the morning. They were alone here, and yet in a larger sense, surrounded by more people than Jess had ever known in one place.

Finally, Jess had seen New York City, or at least all the main parts of Manhatten that he really wanted to hit. This weekend, he and Rory had done it all. A trip to the East Village to see CBGB’s, then Times Square, Central Park, Lincoln Center, the Chrysler Building, the Empire State, the Flatiron, Rockefeller Center, plus a whole lot of old book stores, crazy record shops, and specialised cafes. It had been incredible, and the most amazing part was her. His Rory.

Jess looked down at her sleeping beside him still. She was beautiful, inside and out, and she loved him. For the life of him, he didn’t know how he got this lucky, but he couldn’t be more glad that he had.

“Morning, Sleepyhead,” he said as she stirred then, leaning down to kiss her before her eyes even opened properly.

“Hmm, I never get tired of that,” she said, smiling up at him. “Good morning. I can’t believe we did this,” she said then, stretching her body against his and taking in the room around them. “This is so not how I saw this weekend going, but it’s been a lot of fun so far,” she admitted happily.

“It’s been unbelievable,” Jess agreed. “I really hated what happened with Liz, I thought... I don’t know, everything just seemed so messed up, but you made it work. You turned this whole weekend into something special. You’re incredible, Rory Gilmore.”

“You’re pretty incredible yourself, Jess Mariano,” she promised him, reaching up to kiss his lips. “This weekend, everything we’re doing, it’s your dream, your plan. I just helped make you see you could still have all that, that you shouldn’t let Liz spoil it for you. I feel like you would’ve done the same for me if the situation were reversed.”

“Huh. I don’t know. Maybe,” Jess dead-panned.

“Oh, maybe?” she echoed, laughing at his gall. “Well then, maybe we should get out of bed and go home already.”

She moved to do just that, but Jess grabbed a hold of her, pulling her back and kissing her soundly. Rory didn’t protest at all. He never expected her to. She had been about as serious about leaving as he had about ‘maybe’.

“You really wanna leave?” he checked, holding her body close to his still.

“Not right now,” she admtted breathlessly, initiating another kiss.

It was early yet. They had time to kill, and Jess couldn’t think of a better way than this.

* * *

Rory was really into one of the books she bought in New York, and she read it almost the whole way home on the bus. Jess was supposed to be equally enthralled by the book in his own hand, but quite honestly, he hadn’t turned over a page for miles. His brain was buzzing, at first with how great most of the weekend had been with Rory in New York, and right now, with the fight he and Liz had gotten into in the those first couple of hours. When they got back to Stars Hollow, they were going to have to tell Luke what happened, and he was going to be disappointed. Jess was pretty sure he wouldn’t get the blame, but it really didn’t matter. Somehow, Luke being let down by anyone just made Jess feel bad. He was a good guy, trying to do his level best for everybody else, and yet, there were still problems.

“You okay?” asked Rory, finally tearing her eyes away from her book. “You sighed pretty loud just then,” she told Jess as he glanced at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied, like a reflex, immediately regretting it.

She knew he was lying, of course she did. In six months, she had come to know him better than anyone, and Jess didn’t even know why he was pretending otherwise.

“It’s... Luke,” he admitted then. “I don’t know, I just... He’s going to be disappointed that this weekend wasn’t what it was supposed to be.”

“He’ll be dispapointed in her,” said Rory deifnitely, her hand covering his on his knee. “Jess, you didn’t screw up. When Liz invited you to New York, you said yes. You went there, you tried. Nobody could’ve done more than that. She was being unreasonable and... and I’m sorry, but more than a little crazy,” she said, shifting awkwardly in her seat. “There is nothing you could’ve done to make that situation better. Luke knows what she’s like, and he knows you. It’ll be fine,” she promised.

Jess nodded because he knew she had a point, turning his hand over to squeeze her fingers. Rory was usually right, he had learnt that pretty fast, but she also had this great faith in people that Jess didn’t always share. He knew Luke was cool, that he would probably be fine with them ditching Liz and running up a bill on his credit card. He was almost certain, and yet a little wary. There was no way to shake the uncomfortable feeling of heading into the unknown, until they finally got back to Stars Hollow and broke the news.

They were supposed to switch busses at Hartford, catching the local service into their own hometown. It came as a surprise when the bus pulled into the station and Rory gasped, pointing out of the window to where a familiar green truck stood waiting. Lorelai was waving like a crazy windmill from the moment she spotted them until they finally disembarked. She grabbed Rory and hugged her like she hadn’t seen her in a year, and Jess couldn’t help but smile.

“Geez, we went to New York, not ’Nam,” he said, laughing openly when Lorelai stuck out her tongue.

“I miss my baby girl when she goes away, twice in quick sucession. So, sue me,” she told him. “I guess we kind of missed you too,” she said then.

“How was New York?” asked Luke, looking at his nephew.

There was something about the look on his face that put Jess on his guard, made him feel guilty. Luke knew something about what happened already. Since Jess hadn’t called him, and he knew Rory hadn’t either, that only left Liz.

“New York was great,” he said honestly. “Other stuff was not so great,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I heard something about that.” Luke nodded.

Jess felt that old familiar itching in his feet. He wanted to bolt. It would’ve been easier to, but he couldn’t do it. He owed Luke an explanation, and he would be a man about it, or at least he would’ve, if Rory would’ve given him the chance.

“Oh, I don’t know what Liz might’ve told you, Luke, and I know she’s your sister and you love her and everything, but she was really mean to Jess, and unreasonable, and we just couldn’t handle it. Not just Jess, me too,” she said quickly, practically standing in between the two guys as if she expected them to physically fight if she didn’t.

Somehow, Jess couldn’t imagine Luke taking a pop at him for something like this, or for anything, truth be told. He wasn’t even sure he expected him to be mad, just upset, hurt, let down. Those things were so much worse than anger.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” he said at last, shocking his nephew to the core.

“You’re sorry?” he checked. “For what?”

“My sister. Your mother. For Liz,” he decided on eventually. “She’s... She’s Liz,” he said then, shrugging his shoulders.

It was the only explanation he had to offer for her behaviour, and even after so short an acquaintance, Jess knew just exactly what he meant. Their shared relative was certainly a law unto herself, and not at all easy to explain.

“We kind of have a confession to make,” said Rory then, reaching into her pocket and producing Luke’s credit card. “Since we didn’t exactly spend the weekend with Liz, we had to get a hotel for last night,” she admitted, handing the card back and looking as awkward as Jess had ever seen her. “It was my idea.”

“It wasn’t just Rory,” he said immediately. “We went sight-seeing and a few things went on the card, but I’ll pay it all back, I swear. We were not trying to take advantage of you.”

“Hey, you’re both fine,” Luke promised them. “I don’t want any money back.”

“Seriously, Luke...” Jess tried to argue, but his uncle wouldn’t hear it.

“Seriously, Jess, no,” he insisted. “You deserved a fun weekend in New York, and that’s what you got, despite Liz and her... being Liz,” he said, with a vague gesture of his hand. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, you and Rory, so forget about the money, okay?”

Jess didn’t know what to say. Just when he thought his uncle couldn’t be a better guy, he stepped up and proved him wrong. For every screw up Liz made, Luke not only righted it as best he could, but went above and beyond in every possible way. Jess wasn’t sure why his uncle cared about him so much when his mother couldn’t seem to manage it, but he appreciated it, a lot.

“Thanks,” he said, more softly than he meant to. “That means a lot.”

“To me too,” Rory chimed in. “Thank you, Luke.”

“No problem,” he assured her, pocketing his card. “Okay, so, how about we get you guys home? I’ve got leftover pie from the diner if you’re hungry.”

“I always have room for pie,” said Rory, hurrying to get into the truck when Luke did.

“Jess? You okay?” Lorelai checked, when she noticed he wasn’t following them.

“Sure, yeah,” he told her, moving to get into the vehicle.

She must have known he wasn’t telling the whole truth. If Jess hadn’t realised then how smart she was, he found out hours later when he left the Crap Shack to head home to the diner apartment. Lorelai caught up with him on the front porch, reminding him of Thanksgiving when she had chased him down to the same spot. He didn’t mind at all. He had meant what he said before about her reminding him of Sash. It helped him not to miss the only mom he had ever known quite so much as he otherwise might have.

“So, shall I call this meeting of the Crappy Mother Club to order?” she asked with an over the top grin.

“Knock yourself out,” said Jess, smirking because he couldn’t help it.

When Lorelai sat down on the porch swing and gestured for him to join her, he went without hesitation.

“So, Friday night I go to dinner at my parents’ house,” she told him. “Obviously, same every week, right? Except, not this week. This week is different. This week Emily tells me she needs me to give a deposition because she’s being sued by a former maid for wrongful termination.”

“Wow.”

“Oh yeah, and I’m supposed to say what a wonderful, kind, caring, excellent boss my mom is. I mean, seriously? I know how to lie when absolutely necessary, you know? The little white ones to get out of parking tickets, or to not insult a friend that looks awful in their new outfit, but this is beyond me. Telling someone in authority that my mother is just a lovely, reasonable, gentle soul? Hello, you’d have a better chance of convincing people that the Pope is not Catholic!”

Jess laughed at her rambling and her phrasing. It was impossible not to be amused by Lorelai in full flow. He had a feeling that though the story was almost definitely true, she was telling it to him in order to make him laugh, as well as to prove that he wasn’t the only one with a mother he’d rather not deal with.

“Still better than Liz,” he told her anyway. “At least your mom insists on seeing you once a week. Mine can barely manage once a month, and she missed the first eighteen years too.”

“Yeah, you win on that one, man,” said Lorelai, with a great heaving sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” asked Jess, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but the whole situation makes me feel bad. Liz is hurting you and that hurts Luke. If you guys are sad that affects Rory, which also hurts me. It’s a whole big cycle of hurt feelings and pain, and quite honestly? I could do without it.”

“Preaching to the choir,” Jess agreed, nodding his head. “But you know, you don’t have to be hurt on my account, and neither does Luke or Rory. I’m not saying it thrills me that my mother couldn’t care less about me, but I’ve got plenty of other family that’s there for me. Jimmy, Sasha, Lilly, Luke, you, I guess.”

“Absolutely,” Lorelai insisted, patting his arm. “You’re my husband’s nephew and my daughter’s boyfriend. Whichever way you want to slice it, I think we’re stuck with each other, kid,” she said with a grin.

“I can live with that, Aunt Lorelai,” said Jess, grinning right back.

“Aunt Lorelai,” she echoed, giggling. “I feel like I should be buying you candy and patting you on the head.”

“I’ll take the candy, but please don’t mess with my hair,” he urged her.

“You got it, tough guy,” she said, smirking still. “But seriously, Jess, if you ever want to talk, and you need somebody who gets the whole mother issues thing or whatever, I’m here.”

“Thanks. That’s cool of you,” he told her, nodding his head.

“That’s me. Cool mom, cool aunt. Got the whole cool set right here.”

Jess laughed at what he knew was supposed to be a jokey comment, but quite honestly, he thought Lorelai had described herself just right. She was certainly a much better person than his biological mother, and though she would never be his mom so long as Sasha was around, he appreciated her being the aunt that she should be. He had a feeling that once in a while she might be exactly the person he wanted to turn to when Liz screwed up one more time.


	27. Chapter 27

Things settled down a lot in Stars Hollow as time marched forward, January turned into February and then March. Jess was hardly aware of the weeks flying by, save for Winter giving way to Spring and the weather becoming just a little less ridiculously cold. Though he missed California sometimes, for more reasons than the sun, of course, at this point, it almost bothered him more to think of going back than not. Jimmy had talked to him about coming home for Spring Break but Jess pointed out there was no point in his father wasting the money. A couple of months and high school was over, along with Jess’ adventure in Connecticut. He could return home to Venice then, and that would be that. It was amazing how much that idea hurt, and not just because Jess would have to be parted from Rory.

Luke and Lorelai were great, different to Jimmy and Sasha in a number of ways, but none the less caring or supportive when it came to Jess. They wanted him to be happy, to be settled in Stars Hollow for as long as he stayed, and to look upon them as the family they were. They were everything Liz ought to have been and more, whilst Jess’ mother proved herself best at being absent. She had apologised for the disastrous New York visit, almost three weeks after the actual event occurred. Jess had seen her twice since then, briefly and thankfully without incident. He figured it was good that he met his mother, if only so he didn’t always wonder what he was missing. Now at least he knew the truth, he really wasn’t missing anything at all.

“Luke, I’m out!”

“Okay, but don’t be late back for your shift!” his uncle called after him.

Jess raised his hand, less like a wave and more just an acknowledgement that he had heard Luke’s words. He wasn’t offended at being reminded of his working in the diner later. It was actually cool that Luke treated him like a real worker now, as well as a part of the family. This was a little more how it was at home with Jimmy. Though Jess got some special treatment, being the boss’ kid, when he was supposed to work, he was expected to show up and on time, unless he had a real good reason not to.

Certainly, things with Jess and Luke had settled into a rhythm and a routine. Though they didn’t say it out loud, nephew and uncle liked each other a lot, loved each other like family should, and neither regretted the set up they had going here for as long as Senior year lasted.

“Hey there, sugar. You headed over to see our Rory?” said Babette as she passed Jess on the street. “Bet she’ll be pleased as punch to see ya.”

“Let’s hope so,” he told his girlfriend’s neighbour with a smile.

Every person in this town was a different kind of nut, but Jess had learnt to love them all, crazy as that seemed. He fit in now, which was something he never expected to do. Even Taylor seemed to have decided that maybe Jess was Stars Hollow material, since he willingly participated in such events as the Bid-A-Basket auction, the Firelight Festival, and the Winter Carnival. Of course, Jess only did those things for Rory, and maybe a little for Luke and Lorelai, but Taylor didn’t need to know that.

Jess barely checked for traffic as he crossed the street, knowing he had no need to. In the square, Kirk and Taylor were having some sort of debate, making wild gestures with their arms that seemed to encompass the gazebo and beyond. The next town event must be imminent, but Jess hardly dare wonder what it might be.

Looking to where he was headed, Jess saw Dean coming and gave him a curt nod, which was duly returned. There was even an almost-smile shared between the two. Jess couldn’t help but let his own expression spread into a genuine grin as he continued walking, thinking about the day when he and Forester had buried the hatchet, and thankfully not in each other’s heads! It was a couple of months ago now, an incident at school where Chuck Presby decided to be more of a jerk than usual. He said something about Lane that both Jess and Dean heard, but were similarly unwilling to repeat when asked for their side of the story afterwards. A fight had ensued, and both Rory’s ex and current boyfriends came out of it with a black eye each, Dean’s on the left and Jess’ on the right. They made quite a picture, and until it was calmly explained to Rory by the both of them together, she had been convinced they got into a fight with each other over her.

Lane was both feeling guilty and over the moon to know two guys had defended her honour after some scandalous remark had been made. Rory loved Dean and Jess to pieces for standing up for her best girl-friend the way they had, though Jess was glad to note she had said she loved him more. Anything else and he would’ve been understandably pissed.

Turning the corner and feeling more certain that he was away from Luke and most of the townsfolks prying eyes, Jess pulled the sheaf of papers from inside his jacket and straightened them out. The smile was back as he looked them over, knowing Rory was going to be very pleased to see him today, even more than she could guess right now.

The walk to the house affectionately known as The Crap Shack didn’t take long, and Jess was just thinking how cute it was that Rory must’ve been watching for him since the door was already open. He soon realised his mistake.

“Lorelai,” he said, surprised by the sight of her.

“Hey, Jess,” she greeted him with a smile, but look pretty flustered. “Not stopping, can’t, don’t have time,” she said as she hurried by him on the porch. “Spillage incident, no time to explain.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding his head, as he turned and watched her bolt to the Jeep, still arranging what he supposed was a clean outfit as she went. “See you later!” he called behind her, though she didn’t answer.

He guessed she had left the door open for him, so Jess let himself into the house, finding it strange that his girlfriend was nowhere to be found. Hovering in the hallway a moment, he decided it would be a little too weird to go searching the house for her, no matter how much he was always encouraged to treat this place like home.

“Rory?” he called.

“In here!” she replied loudly, leading Jess with her voice to the bedroom door. “Hey,” she greeted him cheerfully from her desk. “I just need to finish up. One sec,” she told him, holding up her pointer finger as she typed fast with the other hand and then both together.

Jess barely got his butt down on the edge of the bed when she proclaimed she was done and closed the lid on her computer.

“Hey,” she said a second time.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling. “Homework on a Saturday. That’s dedication.”

“Have you ever known me to be anything but dedicated to my school work?” she asked him, getting up walk over to him.

“So long as it’s not all you’re dedicated to,” he told her with a smile.

“You know it’s not,” she promised, leaning down to kiss him.

The force of her body against his sent him sprawling back on the bed, and Rory landed ungracefully, half beside him and half on top. It wasn’t a position that Jess would usually complain about at all, but right now, he needed to find some focus.

“I came here to give you something,” he said between kisses.

“Mmm. Yes, please,” said Rory, clearly getting lost in the moment.

“I didn’t actually mean that,” he told her, trying not to smile too much at her enthusiasm, or become quite as distracted by it as he would like to. “I mean, not entirely.”

Rory appeared to be intrigued by now and moved off him to sit up on the bed. Jess got up too, glad to find the papers he had brought over hadn’t gotten too crumpled in their brief make out.

“So, this is for you,” he said, handing it over at last.

“What is it?” she said, but Jess kept his mouth shut.

He didn’t want to announce it, he wanted her to look, to read, to realise. When she did so, her reaction was pretty much what he was hoping for, and possibly more.

“Oh my... Jess!” she gasped. “This is... This is a book! This is a book you wrote!”

“Wrong,” he told her immediately. “It’s a manuscript that I wrote, and it’s only a first draft. I can’t imagine it’s ever going to be a book, but hey, it’s a possibility, I guess.”

“This is so amazing,” Rory continued to enthuse, flipping through the pages with wide eyes full of excitement. “You’re amazing!”

“Try reading it all before you get too jazzed,” Jess advised. “You might hate it.”

“I’m going to love it,” she said definitely, meeting his eyes. “And before you say it, it’s not just because I love you. You have style, Jess, and you’re so smart. The parts that I read before, they were so unique and so good. I can’t wait to read the whole thing.”

“Well, when you’re done you can let me know how much it sucks, and then we can all move on,” he said, though he was smiling at the same time.

Jess knew he wasn’t exactly bad at writing prose, and honestly, it had been almost cathartic to write this particular story. It had started back in California as part essay for school and part therapy when his mind was messed up over Rory, Liz, and a bunch of other things. Now it was a book, a narrative all its own, but that Jess had poured a good portion of his heart and soul into. He hoped at least that Rory liked it. Anything else that came later would just be a bonus.

“Today must be the day for amazing things to happen,” said Rory then, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Oh yeah?” said Jess. “How come?”

She didn’t answer him at first, instead getting up and heading back to her desk. Jess’ manuscript was carefully laid down as if made from something beyond fragile, and then Rory’s hand dipped into the drawer and produced a letter.

“Read please,” she instructed Jess, putting the letter into his hand.

Though he was confused, he did as he was asked, feeling his eyes grow wider and wider as they moved down the single page.

“You applied to Stanford?” he checked, feeling ever more baffled now.

“I did,” Rory confirmed as she sat down beside him again, “and more importantly, the letter in your hand says that I got accepted into Stanford.”

That huge excited wild grin was still on her face when Jess looked up again, but he knew he wasn’t returning it yet. He should be thrilled, but somehow, he just wasn’t.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted. “I thought you applied to Harvard and Yale.”

“I did.” Rory nodded. “Also, Colombia, Princeton, and Stanford,” she said, tapping the letter in his hand. “Isn’t this great, Jess? Now I can go to college and be near you, and yes, I know, it’s still a six hour drive, we couldn’t do it all the time, but that’s better than an expensive five hour flight, right?”

It sounded great on paper, on the very page held in Jess’ own hand. Of course, he would love for Rory to be in California with him next year, and for three more years after that at least, but this didn’t make any sense.

“With me, but away from everyone else,” he told Rory seriously. “Lorelai and Luke, Lane, your grandparents. Ror, everyone else that you love is here.”

“I know,” she said, nodding her head one more time, looking slightly less giddy all of a sudden. “It’d be weird but I can handle it. I’d be okay.”

Jess shook his head. He would love to believe that she could deal, but he knew that she couldn’t. She ought to know it too, and from the look in her eyes right now, he was pretty sure she did, she just wished, almost as much as he did, that she didn’t.

“You wouldn’t be okay,” he told her sadly. “Believe me, Rory, I love that you would do this,” he said, gesturing with the letter in his hand, “but it’s four years. By the time I head home for good, I’ll have been away less than one year, and made a visit back in that time. It’s great being here with you, and Luke and Lorelai, and I’m not sorry I came to Connecticut for Senior Year, but... it’s hard sometimes. I miss home. I miss Jimmy and Sash and Lil. I miss my room and my house, and Dante’s and the beach. There’s no way I want you to put yourself through that for so long just for me, and we couldn’t even see each other every day or every week. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t ask,” said Rory, eyes visibly welling with tears by now. “I wanted to.”

Jess didn’t bother to point out to her that she was already using the past tense rather than the present. She couldn’t do this and they both knew it. She would be miserable and in time would doubtless come to resent Jess, despite it never being his idea. He would be her reason for living so far away from everything she knew and everyone she loved but him. It just wouldn’t work, Jess was certain, but in the end, he knew this wasn’t his decision to make, any more than it was Rory’s choice to have him come here.

“Look, I can’t tell you what to do, Rory,” he told her then. “If you really, really want to go to Stanford, I don’t want to stop you, but at the same time, I want you to be happy. Just think about it, please,” he urged her. “You know I’m cool either way, whether you go to Harvard, Yale, Stanford, anywhere. It’s not going to change how I feel about you. Somehow, we’re gonna make this work, no matter what,” he swore to her, his hand at her cheek as the tears slid from her eyes. “I promise.”

She nodded that she understood, and then leaned in until their lips met. Far from the wild teenage hormone fuelled passion of their first encounter today, this was tender, sweet, and as full of love as any moment between them ever had been.

Jess hadn’t necessarily expected to end up in Rory’s bed when he came over today, but somehow it seemed like the only thing that made sense now as they clung to each other, making promises forever with their words and actions both. The future was uncertain. In a couple of months, school was out forever. Rory would head off to Europe with her mom, for a trip planned long before Luke and Lorelai ever talked of marriage. Jess would go back to California and was sure he would enjoy being back home and in the loving embrace of his family again. After that, everything was so unclear. Maybe Rory would decide to take the plunge and go to school in California. Maybe she wouldn’t. Perhaps Jess’ manuscript would be a book one day, or maybe it would be in the recycling bin and long forgotten by this time next year. There was no way of knowing for sure.

All Jess was certain of right here and now was how much he loved Rory, and how much he needed her to know it. She was certainly making it clear how much she loved him too. In these moments together, the two of them here today was all that mattered. Tomorrow, and everything that went with it, would have to wait.


	28. Chapter 28

It was a stroke of luck the way graduation worked out.

Honestly, Jess felt strange about the whole passing out of high school experience with a bunch of people he only met a few months ago, but he was ready for this. What he had been less ready for was the invitation to see Rory graduate Chilton, two days before. It had been kind of a thrill though, to sit there in a row with Luke and Lorelai, and watch the woman he loved make her speech and graduate top of her class.

“I was so afraid they would be the same day,” Rory told him. “I really want to see you graduate and I wanted you to see me, and then there’s Luke and Mom, they would’ve been so torn if we were having our ceremonies at the same time.”

“Lucky it worked out,” said Jess, nodding his head.

He meant to sound more enthusiastic than he actually did. He was almost as thrilled as Rory herself that she got valedictorian, and it was great that her loved ones could attend her grad and Jess’ too, that they could see each other complete their high school education. What bothered Jess was not who would be in attendance when he ended his high school career, but rather those that wouldn’t.

“You’re sad,” she said suddenly, pulling Jess from his thoughts. “Oh, I’m sorry. Your dad and Sasha and Lilly. You wish they could be there.”

“Wouldn’t suck.” Jess shrugged. “But, hey, it is what it is.”

Rory looked sad on his behalf now, and Jess hated that. He really didn’t mean to bring her down at all. She had every right to be as happy as she was before. Valedictorian was a huge deal, especially for someone like Rory, and they should be celebrating that.

Of course, Jess felt altogether more celebratory when she came and sat herself in his lap and started kissing him. As comforting gestures went, it was a real winner. Then he remembered that her mom and his uncle were going to get back to the house any second, so quite honestly, now wasn’t the best time for this. Probably a good thing they were balanced on her desk chair and not any closer to the bed, or the whole situation could’ve gotten way out of hand.

“Hey, not that I’m complaining, but breathing would be good,” he said, pulling out of the kiss, but keeping a firm hold on Rory.

“Sorry,” she told him, smiling as he tucked her hair behind her ear for her. “I just don’t want you to be sad about your family, and I don’t want me to be sad about you leaving, but that part’s kind of impossible.”

“It’s not forever, Ror,” he promised her. “I know it’s going to be rough being so far apart, but we’ll make it work. You know we will.”

“I know,” she agreed, nodding her head.

College had been a big decision for her, and in the end, Yale had won out over Harvard, Columbia, Princeton, and more importantly, Stanford. Of course, there was a part of Jess that hoped she would choose the one west coast school in the end, despite the fact it was him who told her it was a bad idea. Having Rory closer would’ve been incredible, but he just knew she would regret being so far from Lorelai and Luke. She was better off just twenty miles or so from home, even if it did kill Jess to know she would be thousands of miles from him for the better part of the next four years.

“You know, I’ve been looking forward to the backpacking in Europe with mom for so long, and I’m still glad we’re going,” Rory explained, “but honestly, the closer it gets, the worse I feel, because it means leaving and then coming back to a Stars Hollow without you in it.”

“Rory, don’t,” Jess urged her. “You gotta stop thinking of this like an end. It’s not going to be that way. Not unless you want it to be.”

“You know I don’t,” she said fast. “We talked about this, Jess. Breaking up just isn’t an option. I love you. I can’t imagine feeling this way about anybody else, ever.”

He smiled at that, it was impossible not to. Meeting Rory, falling for her, having her love him too, it was this amazing chain of events, especially with her connection to Luke and everything that had brought. It never failed to bowl Jess over every time he thought about how they had come to be together. When Rory said she loved him, he knew it was as true as when he said it to her. Forever seemed so ridiculous when they were only eighteen and hadn’t even known each other a year yet, but it was real. More real than anything else Jess had ever known in his life.

“You’re everything I want, Rory Gilmore,” he promised her. “You changed my life.”

“For the better, right?” she checked, smiling but somehow nervous at the same time.

“For the better,” he promised, kissing her lips.

“Hello!”

The call from the front door was distinctly Lorelai’s voice, and Rory was up out of Jess’ lap at the speed of light. It wasn’t as if Luke and Lorelai were unaware of how close Rory and Jess were. She had stayed over at the diner apartment several nights and it sure wasn’t to play checkers. Still, the adults didn’t need a free show from the kids, any more than Jess ever wanted to see Luke and Lorelai do more than give each other a peck on the cheek or whatever.

“Hey, guys” said Lorelai cheerfully as they emerged from the bedroom. “You been having fun?”

“Don’t answer that,” Luke cut in fast.

“What? I didn’t mean it like that,” Lorelai assured him with a look. “I really, really didn’t,” she insisted to Rory and Jess.

“We get it,” he promised, nodding his head. “Er, I should probably get going anyway,” he said, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. “Gotta get the rest of my stuff packed up.”

“Ooh, that reminds me,” said Lorelai, snapping her fingers and rushing from the room.

Luke looked as baffled as the kids until suddenly his wife was back with a small packet in her hands.

“Copies of the photos,” she said, handing it to Jess. “From Prom.”

“Cool. Thanks.” Jess nodded, shoving the packet into his pocket without looking. “Sash and Lily will love seeing those... after I edit out the really embarrassing pictures.”

He made a hasty exit after that, getting a brief kiss on the lips from Rory before he went. Jess wanted to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend whilst he had the chance, but there was also a part of him that couldn’t bear to draw out the agony. He kept on telling Rory they were going to be fine, that they had to be, because he couldn’t be without her forever. Still, it bothered him to be parted from her for so long. They’d be lucky if they saw each other twice a year, and there was every chance that Rory would meet some real persuasive college guys that could convince her they’d be way better for her than some nobody from the west coast that she hardly ever saw.

Getting back to the diner, Jess let himself in and ran straight up to the apartment. Alone at last, away from all prying eyes, he pulled the photos from his pocket and stared at the packet a while. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he started to flip through the pictures.

Prom had been Rory’s dream. Chilton was good for her education but she really wanted to attend the Stars Hollow High Prom with Lane, and her boyfriend, Dave. With Jess enrolled, it worked out perfectly. He was eligible for tickets and could bring Rory along. He didn’t mind attending, especially when he saw how happy it made his girlfriend. In every picture she was grinning like a loon, and yet could not look more beautiful to Jess. It had been a pretty great night actually. Unfortunately, when it was over, that was when Rory started worrying on a daily basis about the future, and though he tried not to, Jess knew he felt much the same.

With a heavy sigh, he shoved the pictures back into the packet and tucked them into one of several bags piled up in the corner. Everything non-essential to his living the next few days in the apartment had been packed up ready for the trip back to California. He shouldn’t have lied about still having to get it done, but Jess needed the alone time right now, just for a while.

Leaving Rory would be tough, but actually, he was going to miss plenty of other people too. Luke, Lorelai, Lane, some of the other kids in school, many of the townsfolk who seemed to love him so easily too. Of course, going home meant seeing his family, Jimmy, Sasha, and Lilly, and that was what had Jess so torn. He missed them so much, he couldn’t wait to go home, but when he got back there, he knew he was going to be in just as much pain over those left behind in Stars Hollow.

Covering his face with his hands, Jess didn’t know what to do. Praying for a miracle seemed to be maybe the only option, but even that didn’t sit well with Jess. Not that he didn’t believe there was someone or something watching out for everybody - his meeting Rory the way he did ought to prove that - but he felt wrong about doing it. There were people in the world suffering a much worse fate than having to live on the other side of the country than half the people they loved most.

“Suck it up, Mariano,” he told himself then. “You just gotta man up, get through this,” he said firmly. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s just that easy,” he said then, shaking his head.

He already knew it was going to be anything but.

* * *

“This feels so weird,” said Lane, wringing her hands and pacing some outside of the school building. “Do you feel weird?”

“In this get up? Sure,” said Jess, making a face at the graduation robes he had been forced to wear.

“Not what I meant,” she insisted, rolling her eyes.

Jess watched her as she stopped walking and looked at him properly. He was about to ask what that look on her face was for when she suddenly came rushing towards him.

“Oh, Jess, I’m so sorry,” she told him, sitting down beside him on the steps. “I wasn’t thinking. I mean, sure, Adventist College isn’t going to be the greatest, but you’re going so far away.”

“I’m going home,” he reminded her, finding a smile, “which doesn’t suck, but I’ll admit, there’s a lot here to miss.”

Lane looked sad, a similar expression to the one Rory had been wearing off and on for days now. It didn’t help, but Jess also couldn’t blame them for it. He was feeling much the same, just being a little better about hiding it.

“All the places I lived as a kid, we were moving all the time and I just got used to it,” he explained. “Home was wherever me and Jimmy landed next and it never mattered, but now... I thought it was tough leaving California, I had no idea how I was going to feel about Stars Hollow,” he said, looking out across the town square. “This crackpot town has got under my skin.”

“Yeah,” said Lane, smiling widely. “It does that, but you know, we’re going to miss you too,” she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not just Rory that wishes you could stay.”

Jess smiled back at her.

“Thanks, Lane. You’ve been a good friend, and when 7th Day Adventist College is getting you down, I’m only a letter or an email away.”

“I know,” she agreed, nodding her head, “and hey, if things get too bad with Mrs Kim, I might just hop on a plane and come surprise you.”

“That’d be okay too,” he assured her, perhaps more seriously than he should.

Given Sash’s tendency to take in waifs and strays, it would probably be okay if Lane showed up on the doorstep. Jess doubted it would happen, but it would almost be cool if it did actually.

“Looks like this is it,” she said then, gesturing to where the rest of their class were assembling. “Time to graduate.”

“Apparently,” Jess agreed, looking towards the diner as Luke emerged with Lorelai and Rory in tow.

It was great that they were going to see him graduate, but Jess couldn’t help but think of the rest of his family, the ones that weren’t here. Shaking his head, he tried not to be so maudlin. It wasn’t helping. He was here in the Hollow, with family who loved him and friends to share this day with. He was getting out of school with his diploma in hand, and then he was going home to see his family again. There was really nothing for Jess to complain about and he knew it.

Sat in his row as the speeches were made, Jess glanced back once to smile at Rory. She waved, Luke raised a hand too, and Lorelai gave him a thumbs up. It helped a little. Then the names started to be called. Lane went up and Jess applauded as loud as he could for his friend, knowing her parents were not exactly going to be vocal in their praise. Then came his row, and as Jess stood up with the Ls through Ns, he heard someone yell.

“Jess!”

He knew that voice and turned around fast with wide eyes at the sight of Lilly at the end of the aisle, waving like a crazy person. It Sasha didn’t have a hold on her, Jess was sure she would be running to him already. Beside them both was Jimmy, smiling and proud as any father ever could have been.

People jostling him to move made Jess take notice and head up to the stage to get his diploma. He shook the Principal’s hand, received the scroll, and moved the tassel on his hat, all on automatic. His eyes kept straying to his family, one set and then the other, as the whole ceremony passed by.

The moment he was allowed his freedom, Jess ran towards Jimmy and Sasha, Lilly crashing into him on the way and hugging him as if she never wanted to let go. He didn’t mind at all.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, reaching his parents.

“You think we were gonna let you graduate without us?” said Sasha, shaking her head. “You think that then, in your words, you’re cracked,” she told him, laughing and crying at the same time as Jess threw his arms around her.

They hugged each other tightly and then Jess looked to Jimmy.

“Means a lot to me that you’re here,” he told him, swallowing hard. “A lot.”

“We missed you, son,” said Jimmy, reaching to hug Jess to him as hard as he could.

“Sorry to interrupt,” said Lorelai somewhere behind him.

Jess turned to find her and Luke, hand-in-hand, with Rory hovering beside them.

“Did you know about this?” he asked them, still in awe apparently.

“No, not at all,” Rory said honestly, shaking her head.

“It was kind of a last-minute thing, hence the less-than-formal attire,” said Sasha, pulling at her clothes. “We just realised that we couldn’t possibly miss such an important day,” she said, her hand at Jess’ cheek.

“It’s so cool that you’re here,” he assured her, and though he didn’t actually say he had missed them, he had a feeling she must’ve known anyway, Sash always knew.

“You guys must be starving. Come over to the diner, we were going to eat anyway,” said Luke, leading the way.

“You sure?” asked Jimmy, seemingly uncertain.

“I’m sure,” Luke promised, nodding his head. “We’re all family here, right?”

“Right.” Jimmy smiled and nodded also, taking a hold of Lilly’s hand to walk with her across the street.

“We’ll give you guys a minute,” said Sasha, falling in behind and letting Rory and Jess have a moment alone.

He turned from the sight of his retreating family to his girlfriend who had tears in her eyes already.

“Hey, I thought you’d at least save the waterworks for a couple of days, until we actually leave,” he said, reaching to wipe the stray tear from her cheek.

“It’s just so great that your family showed up for your graduation like that,” she said, looking embarrassed about her overemotional state and yet not being able to help it by the seem of things, “but it also just reminds me again that this is it. You’re going home in the next couple of days and then... and then that’s it.”

“Rory, for that last time, that’s not it,” he insisted, pulling her into his arms. “We’re not over. That’s not happening.”

“I know,” she said, nodding her head, setting free more tears that tumbled from her eyes. “I just... I thought it was tough leaving you after the summer, and it was, but after spending so much more time together, realising just how much I love you, and knowing that... that we’re not going to be on the same side of the country for such a long time.”

“You’ll visit, and I’ll visit. We’ll call and we’ll write, and I know it won’t be the same as this past year, but we’ll make it, Rory. I swear we will,” he promised her. “I have no faith in my mother to give a damn about me. She couldn’t even be bothered to show up today, and honestly, I’m glad she didn’t, but I know that Luke and Lorelai will stay in touch, and I know that you and me are going to be okay. I believe that. Don’t you?”

“Of course, I do, Jess,” she promised, holding him tight. “I just wish it were easier.”

“The good stuff in life never comes easy,” he reminded her, pushing her hair back off her face, “but it’s always worth fighting for.”

“Agreed,” she said shakily, swallowing hard one more time. “I love you, Jess Mariano,” she promised him. “Always.”

“I love you too, Rory Gilmore,” he vowed just the same, moving in to kiss her lips, determined that although this seemed like an ending, it was only going to be the beginning of their next chapter in life together.


	29. Epilogue - 4 Years Later

It seemed like something from a badly written romantic comedy, the kind Jess watched with Rory sometimes but swore her to secrecy. Jess looked out across the ocean, wide and almost as blue as a pair of eyes he knew so well and loved so much. Saying goodbye was tough, but this was just a place, one location in the world. It was home, sometimes, because of the people here, but it wasn’t the only home he knew anymore. Venice Beach meant a lot to him, but the people that made up his family, his whole family, they meant more to Jess.

“I know you’re standing there,” he said with a smirk he couldn’t help, looking back over his shoulder.

“Sorry,” said Rory, shifting awkwardly. “I wanted to give you time, but the cab is due any minute.”

“We gotta go.” Jess nodded. “It’s fine, I’m ready this time,” he promised, reaching for her hand and pulling her closer.

Rory came to stand beside him, her arms around his waist. His own arm went around her back and encouraged her head onto his shoulder.

“It is a beautiful view,” she said with a sigh.

“I’ve seen better,” he told her, kissing the top of her head. “That rock on your finger is pretty good.”

“I think so,” Rory agreed with a smile, wiggling the fingers of her left hand so the diamond ring caught the last rays of the setting sun. “A really great guy gave it to me.”

“Oh, yeah?” asked Jess, pulling her in front of him, holding her close in his arms. “So, you’re gonna marry him?”

“Yes, sir,” said Rory, nodding her head. “And like all good stories, we’re going to live happily ever after. Me, working at the New York Times, him, a published author of one book, with another out very soon. It’s going to be an incredible life.”

“I believe that,” Jess agreed, leaning in to kiss her lips.

The way she talked about the future, it did sound pretty perfect. There were times in the past four years when he wondered how they would very make it this far, but somehow, they did. He always said they would, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t been tough, with Rory in Yale and him mostly in California. He did visit, staying at the diner apartment in Stars Hollow every other Christmas and summer, whilst Rory came to Venice for the alternating occasions. Somehow, they made long distance work, no matter how tough. Now they were ready for what came next.

“Y’know, I thought I’d feel bad about leaving here,” said Jess as they parted, still holding onto each other yet. “California has been the closest I’ve known to a real permanent home, but... but now home is wherever you are.”

“For me too,” said Rory, nodding her head. “We are going to be so happy, Jess. I just know it.”

“Yes, we are,” he agreed, kissing her again, as the sun disappeared into the Pacific one more time.


End file.
